Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Clemens Injects 15 year old Country Star with HGH

The allegations continue to mount against Roger Clemens, this time with the attention focused on the red rocket. In the latest batch of accusations, Clemens stands accused of injecting Mindy McReady -- then only 15 years old -- with HGH in the hopes of making her legal faster. According to a recently released affidavit, when Mindy told the Rocket she was only 15, he reached into his shower bag, pulled out a syringe, and said, "Not for long." Clemens, already a 28 year old iconic ace at the time, told her that in 24 hours, she would have the breasts of a 27-yr old female. In 48 hours she could be dead, but he told her he planned on having sex with her before that so she shouldn't worry.

Roger could not be reached for comment but the Inquirer has learned through its well-placed sources that this incident sparked an ongoing intimate relationship between the two, with Roger providing regular injections to the country star, both of the performance-enhancing variety as well as the hot beef variety. We will continue to monitor this story and provide you with every detail we come across.

This story seems to substantiate the rumors that when Clemens was in Toronto, he injected his housekeeper with HGH so instead of giving her a raise to clean the larger house he was moving into, she could just do the bigger job faster.

Monday, April 28, 2008

How Many Receivers Can You Play Again??

OK...I'll admit to being rather confused on Saturday night after the Redskins drafted 3 pass catchers in their first round of participation in the NFL draft. I don't think any of us would have predicted that of those three 2nd rounders, not one was used on a big, fat, monster lineman on either side of the ball. But unlike many who I have spoken to, I am not nearly angry or disappointed in the haul we dragged in.

Let me take you for a little visit with the Ghost of Wide Receivers Past. It's week 10 the last 5-6 seasons. Justin Skaggs (may he rest in peace) is waiting by the phone for the call to suit up that week because we have nobody left to play the receiver position. Reche Caldwell's eyes widen (seemingly impossible) to almost cartoon-like dimensions. He has been brought in to learn routes to play for the Skins. Freddie Mitchell, Todd Pinkston, #88 (because I recall one game where a guy wearing #88 lined up in the slot a couple seasons back and everyone was asking who he was, well, he was #88), David Patten...excluding guys we drafted, this is a small list of players we have brought in to either bandage our receiving corps for a stretch of games, or give us an extra option for an entire season.

Do we need depth at the line positions? Yes. But if you look closely at out roster, there are only 2 spots on our lines that you could say a 1st rounder or the right 2nd rounder could come in and compete for a starting job -- Guard, to compete against Pete Kendall, and DE, to play opposite Andre Carter. The more pressing of the two is DE, and Philip Merling was available when we would have picked at #21. But our receiving corps has been nonexistent in the last few years, a unit that has held our offense hostage with the steady slew of injuries. Santana Moss is awesome, and a legit #1 for us, but he has to be on the field and healthy to help us win. Devin Thomas, Malcolm Kelly, and Fred Davis are the receiving corps we never had/drafted. We did not draft Moss, we did not draft Randle-El. Everyone has been up in arms over the possible trade for a veteran wide receiver. "Build through the draft" has been everyone's battle cry. Well, they just built a receiving corps through the draft. These guys are talented enough to play in the league for a long time, though you can never know for sure with receivers.

I wanted a big tight end so bad in this draft and everybody called that retarded. Really? So in the red zone when we had Yoder on one side and Cooley on the other, defenses played each honestly, making it easier for us to hit the open man in the end zone? Right. With Fred Davis in the mix (check out some footage of him here) we have another BIG target that can either stay in and block or make his way into the secondary as a receiver. He was probably the main passing threat at USC last year, and last time I checked, that was a hell of a thing to be able to say about someone. Not to mention Jim "Kneel Before" Zorn needs the multiple tight ends for his sets, and Todd Yoder ain't the guy (though a capable backup). Of our 2nd round haul, Fred Davis is the biggest addition in my opinion. He will play and contribute on Day One. (I think I just messed myself)
Grade: A+

Devin Thomas was "supposed" to be off the board at pick #11, for whatever that is worth to you. He is like a running back after he catches the ball. And that is what makes him so important to our offense. Moss and ARE are elusive, but they don't exactly break a lot of tackles. In "Kneel Before" Zorn's offense, yards after the catch are crucial and Thomas is a dangerous, physical ball carrier (here are some of his highlights). Does he remind anyone else at all of Chad Johnson? And for what it is worth also, he seems to be a bit miffed he was passed over by so many teams that told him he would be selected should he be available when they drafted. I like that.
Grade: B+

Malcolm Kelly is somewhat of a mystery to me. I did not want him AT ALL in the 1st round. The Redskins really liked him, and even went to work him out a couple days before the draft. Am I ready to blindly trust that Cerrato picked a guy that he rated high enough to be our THIRD pass-catching draft pick in the 2nd round??!! No. But what about the longview? With Thomas, Davis, and Kelly, we have 3 guys that WE drafted and WE coached up -- all over 6'1" (add in Cooley to that longview as well). Santana Moss and ARE are not the long-term solutions at receiver for us. And we simply CAN NOT keep paying ridiculous amounts of money to free agent and veteran receivers. I would have thought a defensive lineman would have been the smartest pick instead of Malcolm Kelly. Especially after he blamed his slowness in the 40-yd dash on other people. Horrible. Also, he raps (click here if you need another reason to hate this pick)
Grade: C+

I would have stood up and applauded the selection of Philip Merling instead of anyone we drafted in the 2nd round. But we didn't. The guys we got have solid chances of becoming longtime starters for our team, and ultimately that will be the way we judge this draft. I think between now and the start of the season, this team would go a long way towards pacifying the fans who think we have simply marooned our defensive line and Greg Blache by trading for a disgruntled big man and using some of that cap space we created for Chad Johnson. Don't worry if you can't find anyone who fits that category now, the good news in this day and age is that there will be someone available soon enough.

And let's not overlook Chad Rinehart. He can come in and backup the guard and center positions in year one. I think 2 linemen (one DL, one OL) would not have been too much to ask for in this draft in the first 3 rounds, given the amount of selections we had. Rinehart sounds like every bit what we wanted on the offensive side...a young guard/center that could step in this year if he had to. Probably won't supplant Thomas, Rabach, or Kendall, but we don't need him to.
Grade: B+

Of the remaining picks, who knows who will even make this team. As mediocre as the Redskins roster may be, it will be hard for all of the last six picks to crack the regular season roster. Colt Brennan will almost assuredly make the team as the 3rd QB (since we have nobody else), and Rob Jackson has a good chance as well. Justin Tryon may very well be killed by the veterans if he is as cocky and arrogant as he sounds right now. The punter (Ray Guy award winner) Durant Brooks, will make this team and will be the starting punter in September. See ya Frost. (click here if you like watching punting highlights)

Grade for the draft: B+
We did not get better on the defensive line, but we got better on offense -- on the line and in the receiving corps. Bring on the chorus of disagreement.

P.S. Nice job Baltimore...Did someone forget to tell Billick he wasn't in charge anymore? Flacco at #18? He better be good (and he very well could be).

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Bail Denied for Sean Taylor's suspects

I really don't know where to start this one, but a "thank God" I guess would be suitable. The guilty before proven innocent suspect in Sean Taylor's shooting was denied bail. The shocking part of this story is that the family of this d-bag showed up in court wearing 'free my son' t-shirts. I'm sorry, but if my son drove cross-state to rob someone and ended up killing him, let him fry. It would be sad enough that I failed as a parent, but rules are laws. How can we possibly free someone that killed an innocent person for their own selfish reasons? The judge said it best:

"Youth and guns have been such a prevalent issue of concern in our community. Now we're getting it imported from other parts of the state," Murphy said at a hearing. "I'm not sure any form of release would adequately protect the public."

Murphy's denial of bail for Mitchell came after the suspect's mother, Louise Robertson, and several other relatives came to court wearing T-shirts bearing his picture. Robertson's black shirt said "Mama's Baby" on the front and "Free My Son" on the back.

"I need him home with me," she said.

Prosecutors said they have not yet decided whether to seek the death penalty against any of the suspects. Each is charged with first-degree murder and armed burglary in the Nov. 26 shooting of Taylor.

The other suspect, 17-year-old Eric Rivera Jr., allegedly shot a machete-wielding Taylor in the confrontation inside his home. Mitchell told police they thought Taylor would be out of town because the Redskins were playing in Tampa that weekend, but Taylor was out with an injury.

Mitchell is a key to the case because he attended a birthday party in September at Taylor's home and told police he saw the football player hand out bags of $10,000 in cash to his sister and brother as gifts.

The other two suspects are 20-year-old Venjah Hunte and 18-year-old Charles Wardlow. Trial for all four is scheduled for Aug. 25.

Zimmerman's Party @ K Street Lounge

So Ryan Zim's party was at K street lounge last night. I got in because my friend's friends were the terrible cover band that played 2 hours before anyone notable showed up. Anyway, there were hotties EVERYWHERE. I've seem Zim out many times before so that was no big deal when he took his VIP couch.

What was shocking was seeing Da Meat Hook walking OUTSIDE the rope and he was getting no love from anyone. Just like me all night sipping my vodka tonic and staring at hot girls everywhere for hours, Dmitri Young was in the same boat as me. I was like "How is he not talking to anyone?". So I gave my friend my camera and walked up to him. I was like, 'yo, can i get a quick pick?" He was like "Sure. But I can't do it with a drink." No one would hold his drink. It was the weirdest scene ever. All these people in VIP next to us..and he was like "Hey, hold my drink"..and there were all these pauses from the people. WTF? Dmitri to me is up there in DC celebrities just behind Gil and Caron. Anyway, I got the snap. And I was like "So when are you coming back?" He was like "I have no idea." Nice. Then I made out with some really cute girl outta my league for 15 minutes and her friends realized that and my night was over. Until next time. Peace.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Wiz blow out Cavs...our fans are better than yours


Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Taunting Lebron - Games 3 & 4 (Part II)

Instead of putting Soulja boy courtside, why not put one of the most legendary hecklers of all-time courtside, Robin Ficker? Since that is not likely, I spent my morning digging up some more dirt on Lebron.

Anyway, so it turns out Lebron had a brief fling with Beyonce's double-wide cousin, Angie. Once his girlfriend/baby mamma, Savannah, got knocked up, Lebron ended the stint with Angie. So if you are sitting within verbal shouting range of Lebron, PLEASE make sure to ask him about his love for fatties (Angie) and Savannah (his baby's momma).

Monday, April 21, 2008

Taunting Lebron - Games 3 & 4

Alright Wizards fans, just like D.C. created the Jessica Simpson mask to heckle Tony Romo, the Ahern Inquirer has made one for Lebron. It is a lesser known fact, that Lebron James' Mom, Gloria, was popped for a DUI in 2006, resisted arrest, and kicked out the back window of the squad car. FEISTY.

Anyway, we tracked down her mugshot and thought it would be quite humorous for everyone in the lower bowl at the Verizon center to hold these up. It can't be easy sinking a free throw with 2,000 people holding up a picture of your Mom's mug shot. So please download this, print a bunch out, and bring them to the game on Thursday. Also, please pass this link to anyone and everyone.

Download >>>>>>

Note: If you don't have a color printer, no worries. It's still just as good in black and white...after all, it is a white out Thursday night at Verizon.

Friday, April 18, 2008

This is Why You Don't Talk Sh!t to Lebron...

So with DeShawn running his mouth, people start digging for any dirt they can find on him....and oh boy did the Cavs fans find a gem. I thought I knew our players better than anyone but this felony on DeShawn is pretty embarrassing and is MAJOR fuel to taunt him with on the court. Can't we win first before talking trash?


Thursday, April 17, 2008

White Out for Wizards Home Playoff Games

So the Wiz have announced a whiteout for our home playoff games. When it comes to DC sports, we are really bad at fan collaboration. The red out for the Caps games has given me some hope. GET IT TOGETHER. Here are some of the best white-outs from sports which we'll never match. Penn State being the winner, winner...chicken dinner.

Let's take it up a notch too Wiz fans. I want to see toilet paper rolls being thrown off the balconies. People wearing bathrobes and slippers as their white outfits (Casey). White beach balls being bounced around the upper deck. Playoff action baby! What whiteout ideas you got?

New Age of Rivalries

I am absolutely suggesting the NFL should manufacture or create rivalries where there currently are none to exploit. In 20 years, it won't matter, as fans will have had all that time to figure out how to hate the team they have been assigned. I matched up NFC teams with AFC teams as this seemed to create the least amount additional headache in the annual determination of opponents. Right now, every NFC division plays each AFC division on an annually rotating basis. So every 4th year, these teams would already be playing each other. In those years, I suggest a home-and-away with your rival. This means that the NFL does not have to do away with its current schedule-making process, except to substitute one of the intra-conference matchups with this "Rivalry" matchup. For the remaining intra-conference matchup, the NFL can either rotate that matchup from division to division, or they can develop an algorithm that determines opponents based on some strength rating or power ranking. These guys are no dummies. Plus it might even inject a little more fun and uncertaintly from year to year with regard to who you will play each season.
Here are the pairings:

Baltimore Ravens vs. Washington Redskins
Buffalo Bills vs. Chicago Bears
Cincinnati Bengals vs. Carolina Panthers
Cleveland Browns vs. Detroit Lions
Denver Broncos vs. San Francisco 49ers
Houston Texans vs. Dallas Cowgirls
Indianapolis Colts vs. St. Louis Rams
Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Atlanta Falcons
Kansas City Chiefs vs. Green Bay Packers
Miami Dolphins vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
New England Patriots vs. Minnesota Vikings
New York Jets vs. New York Giants
Oakland Raiders vs. Seattle Seahawks
Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Philadelphia Eagles
San Diego Chargers vs. Arizona Cardinals
Tennessee Titans vs. New Orleans Saints

I didn't mapquest the distances so there may be one or two instances where a team might have a closer rival. But I tried to match up franchises also. Chicago and Buffalo, two cold weather towns facing off every year. Kansas City and Green Bay, re-matching Super Bowl I every year. Instead of Oakland/San Fran, I put Oakland with Seattle, as the two old AFC rivals used to have some great battles before Seattle moved to the NFC. Sure, San Diego gets lucky by getting Arizona every year, and Minnesota is not the happiest team in the world as they draw the Patriots, but no team is great forever, or hapless forever (the Cardinals are really trying to prove me wrong there).

In years where you have home and away the Jets and Giants would treat New York to TWO bashes at their new facilities in the Meadowlands. Pittsburgh and Philly, Washington and Baltimore, Tampa and Miami, Jacksonville and Atlanta, Dallas and Houston -- these would all be ready-made to incite the locals.

In a league where they fine guys thousands of dollars for wearing their socks wrong, where they spend infinite amounts of time staring at slow-motion videos on the sidelines, where they are trying to get their hands around the community-destroying actions of a few athletically gifted criminals, isn't it time to get this idea off the ground and engage the NFL fans in a new way? Can we poke more holes in this than Ron Jeremy at a sorority pledge event? Sure. But the old "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" slogan will prevent as much good innovation as bad.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Timberwolves Desperate Season Ticket Plan

So the T'Wolves are about as desperate as you can get to lure fans into watching their Garnett-less squad. I definitely gives props to the creative side of the contest. So the contest is: whatever lottery ball comes out for the T'Wolves this year, that is your per game cost for each ticket for the season.

So you put down $42 down now. If the Wolves get the #1 pick, your season is thus already paid in full. If they get the 5th pick, you're paying $5 per home game for the year. Of course the catch is you have to put the non-refundable deposit down now for $42. But still...what else is there to do in Minnesota?! Would you have done this if it was a Wizards promotion in that pre-Gilbert stretch where we were terrible?


Tuesday, April 15, 2008

A Day Which Will Live In Infamy

On Sunday, December 7th, in M&T Bank Stadium, the Skins will play the Ravens. This game belongs on our schedule every year. It is total crap that the NFL doesn't remedy this by scheduling a regional rivalry game every year. Right now, your 16 game schedule is determined by:

6 division games
4 non-conference games against an AFC division that rotates every year
4 games against an entire NFC division that rotates every year
2 games against the teams in the other two NFC divisions that finished in our same place

Why not replace one of those two NFC matchups with a regional rivalry game? The schedule would be slightly imbalanced but the longterm benefits to the league would outweigh that I think. We can figure out what all the pairings would be later.

As for the Ravens game this year, I can't wait. Of course nothing is as it seems now for any team in April, but the Ravens should get creamed, right? We'll see I guess. Either way, get ready to see more purple camouflauge pants then you've ever imagined. Lord, their fans are terrible.

Monday, April 14, 2008

My Balls!!

Not sure who caught it but Jamison got kicked in the family jewels last night against the Pacers. What's funny is you can EASILY read Jamison's lips when the trainer asks where he got hit. Phil and Buck's reaction to the replay is also classic!!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

I should roll this outfit every night

So getting on the jumbo tron at the Nats game and the Wiz game in the same day I think is something worth noting. I hit the Andray Blatche basketball stand at the Wiz game and they gave me a ball for posing with a picture. Dribbling this around the concourse...of course EVERYONE wanted the ball. I seriously must have juked out 33,000 people and I am the worst dribbler ever. I didn't make it on the dance cam which I am very bitter about...but I did get on the "Flex cam" and I lost out to some dude...how is that possible? Have you seen my guns? I'm even wearing a shirt that states it..."these guns don't have safeties."

Saturday, April 12, 2008


So I was dancing and dipping the MASN announcer off air and she was like "i got to go on the air in 60 seconds"....big mistake....this was live on the air.

I was at a bar in dupont circle (6 miles from the stadium) after the game and multiple people came up to me saying they saw the debauchery. This was the view from my friends camera. I'm working on getting the live feed:

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

The NHL is Doomed to Fail

As our friends at the Superficial noted, Lauren Conrad from The Hills is now blogging for the NHL. I didn't realize the creators of TRL run the NHL. I mean, we've seen the hot girl SORT OF work before when you have Jillian Barber and famous girls blog. But they either know their stuff or talk about parties.

We've all seen Lauren before on the show. No way she even knew LA even had a team. She's already getting reemed for rooting for the Kings' biggest rival the Ducks. She wrote:

Since the Kings are out of it, I’ll adopt my fellow Orange County Anaheim Ducks as my team for the playoffs. Is there anything you guys think I should know as I watch the Ducks?

That's like her blogging for the Skins who are out of the playoffs and saying 'Go Cowboys.' Seriously, get this rubbish off the web. There is a link on her blog to "view this as inappropriate". Please click it so we can end this. I just did.

Do it for the children and baby Jebus. We can't let our kids think being a ditz gets you fame and success. When Lauren's looks go, she's going to be a mess.