Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Thanksgiving Parties with the Wiz and Magic

Couple parties of interest if you're in the DMV this weekend. Dwight Howard and company will be at Park tonight, and Deshawn is hosting a party at 1223 after the Wiz game Thursday night. I think I'd rather lift heavy machinery then party with DeShawn.

RIP - Sean Taylor

It's one year to the day that Sean was shot. I have been dreading these 2 days for a long time now. It's amazing that my grand-
parents that I cherish more than anything, I cannot remember
the day they passed, yet Sean's passing is as fresh as ever. It
was defintely a JFK moment for me. I was at my desk in Sydney,
Australia when I popped open my laptop and my gmail new mail
window popped open from my friend Paul stating "So Sean Taylor kicked it." My heart sunk. At Skins games I only watched 21...
never the opposing QB. Wherever the play ended Sean was there.
Here's an excellent tribute of his plays. I especially love the licks
on TO, Jermaine Wiggins, and of course the infamous pro-bowl hit
on Moorman. RIP Sean.

>>> The Washington Post has a great photo gallery montage of

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Eddie Jordan's Replacement

The Wiz are in disarray and it's clear that interim coach Ed Tapscott's era will be short-lived. Rumors are swirling regarding a replacement (Flip Saunders, Avery Johnson). Ahern has our own ideas:

Interim Coach: Gheorghe Muresan

Hear me out on this. The Wiz are reeling. Putting in an inexperienced interim coach who has no support from the fans or players is not the right move. He's technically not even the assistant coach, he's an extra assistant. Whatever that means. How great would it be seeing Gheorge storm up and down the sideline screaming inaudible sentences like Andre the Giant. We love Gheorghe...give him a shot if the position is a week only deal.
Head coach candidates:

Gilbert Arenas
Let's be real. Gil is not playing anytime soon, and if he does, it won't be for long. He's already got Abe's $120 trillion, we might as well let him coach the team. He takes credit for the Wiz doing well, and refers to the team as "them" when they are doing poorly. Alright Gil, you know whats right for the it.
Isiah Thomas
OK, hear me out again. He buried the Knicks and fell into a drug addiciton. But everyone deserves a 2nd chance, right? We're already capped out so he can't bury us anymore financially. Plus, Blatche needs a new supplier so the two of them can maybe form a new bond. (Can we please get Blatche out of here? Ernie, you split the red sea getting Caron for Kwame...please do what you do again).
Pat Summitt
She has the most career NCAA wins in history, even more than Dean Smith. With Pat Summitt at the helm, I 100% see DeShawn and Blatche responding to her. I look forward to seeing Coach Summitt doing the Soulja Boy deep in the playoffs when we sweep the Cavs. *sigh*

Alicia Green
She's our favorite Wiz dancer and will certainly bring life to the post-game interviews. She's moved up the ranks fast...give the kid a shot!
Michael Jordan
Kidding. No way I'm going there.

Joking aside, it's a tough call. I wouldn't be opposed to see Doug Collins come back for an interview. Avery Johnson I have no faith in. Players do not mesh well with his strict attitude...though at the same time, I am on the outside of the locker room and do not know much. I ran into Juan Dixon in my building last night and he said the team was really upset about Eddie and how much they loved him. That tells me two things:
1.) The team had been complacent with him, which defintely showed on the court losing how we did.
2.) It will not be an easy transition whoever we bring in

Monday, November 24, 2008

"What? Were the Olsen Twins Busy?"

Skins vs Seahawks Announcers: Matt Vasgersian/J.C. Pearson

Past games: Minnesota vs KC Chiefs
New Orleans @ San Fran (last year)

For the love of God, when do we get out of the "worst-announcing tandem" jail? I mean, we Skins fans have suffered through some bad announcers in the last decade or so. But we earned every second of any Sunday where we were served up with Sam Rosen, Bill Maas, Bill Macatee, Gus Johnson, Curt Menefee, Tim Green. Curt is now a studio guy doing the network show and is a lot better. Gus Johnson is WAY better on TV doing college basketball. The problem is, they were like interns when they were assigned to call the Redskins games in the 90's. It's 1997 and I can just hear the network execs now deciding on who announces what:
Suit #1--"Hey we got a couple guys who are a little green and need some work before we decide to give them some real games."
Suit #2--"Perfect. Norv Turner and the Redskins are playing the Saints. We're up against a figure skating exhibition on the other network. We'll be lucky to beat it."

But now? How do we end up with this tandem? Sure the Seahawks suck but this was a national game! Even the sideline reporter was a no-name. Good God. I can't be the only one who was watching them cut to coverage of the game and these two jokers while thinking, "Was there a plane crash? A car accident? Where are the real announcers? Why are there college interns running the show?"

Even after they got a chance, how many Spy vs Spy comments did Vasgersian have to make before someone in the truck outside radioed him to stop? These comments were peppered throughout the entire game and he even lost Pearson while rambling on about sticks of dynamite and acts of subterfuge. Then there was the time Matt called Sellers running for a 7 yard play up the middle and it was clearly Betts.

Sonny and Sam on the radio is clearly the way to go, even it comes with the delay that is carefully negated with a deft pausing of the TV. But then pausing and replaying during the game (which is a must) becomes tough.

Silver lining: At least Tony Siragusa was not in our broadcast.

P.S. If you watched last night's NBC broadcast of Football Night in America, you saw Jerome Bettis' uneven hairline. It was amazing. I challenge you to watch it and NOT see it. It was one of those things where it clearly wasn't done on purpose like an old-school Kid-n-Play fade or back-in-the-day BobbY Brown. No, it was obvious from the rest of his entire haircut that a ridiculous amount of time was spent on the lines (the zigzag sideburns making way for the beard). No way I am convinced this was not a botched do. It was as if when he was getting his haircut someone asked him if he liked Kordell Stewart or "like-liked" Kordell Stewart.

Eddie Jordan Canned

So it's definitely bitter-sweet news hearing Eddie was fired. It's hard to imagine a 1st place Eastern Conference coach can get fired a year later, but so it goes in the NBA. Rick Carlisle got fired and he took his team to the conference finals.

As for the Wizards, it's been a BRUTAL 2 weeks. We're the laughing stock of the NBA (again) and there's simply no way we can continue the year like this. I don't think anyone blames Eddie, but change has to be made. The Gilbert situation is absolutely crushing the Wiz and it's obvious that, along with the Brenda injury, it is too much for any coach to handle. Phil Jackson couldn't even get us out of the gutter. We're the STL Rams of the NBA. It's ineveitable that Antawn Jamison is next to go to get back some cap room. With his prime years all but over, we might as well let him go and get back some value in return. I just pray we can throw DeShawn in the deal and get him out of here too. If I see any of our rookies partying with DeShawn off the court I for sure will be busting through some red rope VIP areas.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Drink This Before Reading

Our offense is 13th in the league.
Our defense is 4th in the league.

We are 6-4. If the season ended today we would be in the playoffs.

We are playing one of the worst defenses in the NFL this week against the lame duck coach of a team that our current head coach knows better than anyone we have.

The league's 2nd leading rusher is a Redskin and he is playing this week.

We are in control of our own destiny.

We are 3-1 on the road, and we have 3 road games down the stretch where we will be favored.

All that said, here we are, face to face, a couple of sil---wait, here we are facing our first MUST-WIN of the season. Remember last season when we had to go to New York and Minnesota to grab must-wins prior to clinching a playoff berth? This week we get a Seattle team on the road that is in shambles, playing for a coach that is packing up his desk. If we were the Wizards we would lose this game by 20. But I think Zorn is the difference maker this week. I think he has a plan and I think you will see the Redskins make a statement.

We won't go game by game predicting wins and losses. I think we have to look at 2 groups of games from here on out. Seattle, Cincy, and San Fran are one group of games we simply have to win out. NYG, Philly and Baltimore are the second group of games. We need a win out of this group. Should we get back on the winning track here in the next week, the Ginats loom large. If we fail to surprise them the way we did against the Cowgirls and Iggles earlier this season, it becomes a matter of splitting the Philly/B-more games. Are we capable of winning both? You bet. Are we capable of losing both? You bet.

Everyone wants to look at that Rams loss as where our season was lost. I think just the opposite--it stands as a glaring reminder of what is possible in this league as we play in games exactly like this week's game in Seattle. It is a motivational tool that reminds us that we are not the kind of team that can get away with stupid mistakes against even the league's bottom feeders. No loss is a good loss, but our season is not yet lost because of one game.

Weren't we 6-7, and 5-6 prior to making 3 and 5 game runs to clinch playoff spots in two of the last three years? Let's not panic now. For all those people who want to woefully claim this team is no different than the ones Gibbs led down the stretch, here's hoping they embody that one trait Gibbs' teams had--the ability to come down the stretch strong. And we have not even set it up as hard for ourselves as we have in past years.

It is simply too early in the season to get down on these guys. Was it that hard to predict this team would struggle at some point this year? Come on. This isn't a bad team struggling. This isn't Cincy or Detroit playing teams tough but not finding the winning solution. This is a team with a stout defense and a capable offense that is getting in its own way. This is fixable.

Keys to Victory:

Protection. We have less protection than a room full of drunk high school prom-goers. Get it right.

Turnovers: 2 INT's, 1 fumble recovery.

Sacks: 4

Special teams: get DeAngelo Hall back there to return a punt or two.

Play-calling: 55% pass, 44% rush

Redskins Gayfest

We don't know if homosexuals follow the NFL, or the Redskins for that matter, but if they did, then they certainly would love this clip. This is a behind the scenes shoot for Easterns Motors....jump ahead to the 1:40 mark, which is about where this still-frame of Cooley's legs appear.

Actually, now that I think about it, there are gay fans. Last year I sat in the upper deck at Fedex for the Cowboys game with my friend's Dad. Amazingly, there were 2 gay Cowboys fans sitting directly in front of us (Cowboys jersies and all). They weren't flaming, but it was bad (arms around each other, smiling a lot). My friend's Dad and I absolutely crushed them with insults so mercilessly they had to leave by the 3rd quarter. I don’t remember all the insults but I remember asking the one dude “So if Romo throws a touchdown today, does that mean you get to receive tonight?”

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Thursday Night Football - LOCK

So its 30 minutes to kick-off and Ahern loves the Steelers tonight -11...even before Chad Johnson got suspended. Anytime a bad team goes into PIT (#1 Defense)...they're going to get worked. All the internal drama with Ocho will certainly distract the players' game plans. Easy Money.

Redskins: The Home Stretch

The Skins have been a lot like the Terps this year, inconsistent. There's nothing worse for a fan where your team shows flashes of brilliance at times, and then completely lays an egg the next week. I am consistently made the fool when talking shit to my friends in Philly and New York. At least with the Nationals we know to focus us all of our energy to having laughs and staring at hotties. Regardless, we have quite an interesting schedule coming up. Several teams seem like slam dunks, but that is far from the truth when the Redskins are involved. The Bengals took both the Eagles and Giants to overtime, so we can't count that as W yet. When talking about the varying range of opponents we have left, we came to the conclusion that they eerily relate to the girls of our past:

11/23 @ Seahawks
Once Hot, Now Fat chick

The Seahawks were once that smoking hot girl who always dick-teased us to all hell. Nothing we could do worked, and we were always made the fool. But now that she's put on some pounds and lost all confidence, we're looking to take her down to put all past hatred to bed. HATE F*CK is a-coming.

11/30 VS Giants -
Hottest Girl in the bar

The Giants game will be our one last ditch effort at the hot chick. We'll be able to hold the conversation, buy her a drink, and wave a nice crisp $20 bill front of her. Then we lower our guard and fumble with the cheese line "Did you fart? Because you just blew me away" at which point the girl leaves us in the dust with 10 minutes before last call.

12/7 @ Ravens -
Hooking up with the awful girl next door

She's not the prettiest girl in the bunch; however; being neighbors we both know each at a certain uncomfortable level. We prefer not to hang out because our social circles and interests are so different, but here we are. It's last call, we're both we might as well dance. Three quarters through the season, neither of us are impressive looking, but something has got to give. Whoever is still competing in the 4th wins this game. Have you ever stopped in the middle of hooking up and thought, "Why am I doing this? I'd rather be in my own bed!" This game has the same feeling. Fight through it Skins.

12/14 @ Bengals -
The fat chick

The team has no redeeming qualities and it's emberassing as all hell if you get shot down. The Bengals D has been smothering as of late and despite their 1-8 record, they've taken the Giants and Eagles both to OT. Just like fat chicks, they have an unbridled perseverance. I hate to use the word "penetration" this close to the picture above, but it's what we need. Who-Dey's wide receivers can be lethal so we must attack the QB position. Laron Landry needs to take one for the team.

12/21 VS Eagles-
The Stuck-up Bitch

Fiesty. Physical. And likes to go deep, a lot. No one looks forward to the Eagles game. No matter what their record, they're dangerous. This is our last chance to win a home NFC East game...the Bitch is going down.

12/28 @ 49ers -
I'm getting bored with this game so I'm including a picture of the hottest 49'ers cheerleader

I mean, what is there left to say? By this last game of the season, this is a MUST win and we'll need some help from another team's loss to get into the playoffs. With our wave of injuries and old players, we'll probably have lost another key guy by this point. We're limping into the post-season.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Remembering Sean Taylor

The ESPN homepage right now is all about Sean Taylor with an article written by Clinton Portis and other players.

Clinton Portis words

How the Skins think and talk about Taylor daily

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

If We Can't Enjoy the Wiz, We Might as Well Profit Off of Them....

So we at Ahern consider ourselves gambling sauvvy. We're 2-0 when betting against the Wiz this year. I just watched the Wiz lose to the Heat tonight, and I was in shock to see the Wiz were favored by 2 points. Sure, a lot of people make this kind of revelation after the game was played out, but this is not the case. I know the Wiz's vulnerabilities all too well. We have NOBODY on the defensive side that can cover athletic, all-star point guards, such as Dwayne Wade. He's too good. Our rebounding last I saw was one of the worst 5 in the league. This makes for a very easy bet anytime we go against an athletic center as well (Dwight Howard won me $200 and the Wiz were never in this game). Regardless, we knew to stay off the Utah game, so check back often to help follow our track record througout the season. We will post our predictions only for the games we are sure on. We're not dumb gamblers who bet on games just to bet. One pattern I do follow, if the Wiz are playing back-to-back games and our opponent on the 2nd game is not, there's a very good chance we're pulling the trigger. Also, pretty much every road game we'll be taking a very close look on. Our bench players like to party so Miami, LA, and Atlanta make for game-day hangovers if we fly in the night before. Stay tuned.

Update: The Wiz are in ATL tonight after having played last night. At -10 we like it but not enough to bet. Josh Smith is out until December and Al Horford tweaked his ankle Tuesday night. Those 2 players are huge pieces for a blowout win. Patience, patience.

Eastern Motors Rips Off Ahern Inquirer who Ripped off Eastern Motors

Well, I guess it was bound to happen, but 14 months since I first had my Sean Taylor Eastern Motors jersey made, Easterns is now selling them through their website at the very cheap rate for $88 a pop (with shipping). I can't really blame them though since sales of their Lamborghinis have probably plummeted. I'm also not sure why the jerseys they have for sale are gold and not yellow.

ps - yes, i realize the wig and glasses look retarded but it seemed like a great idea after 15 games of beruit/beer pong.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Skins have a Formidable Backup for Suisham

In case Suisham goes down with an injury, it's good to know we can count on Cooley as our kicker for anything inside 30 yards.

What is there to say?

There's nothing really to say. It was obvious we got crushed on both sides of the line of scrimmage. We cannot pressure any QB. It has to stop. Draft somebody...anybody. All "top" DEs we break the bank on suck. Bruce Smith, Andre Carter, Jason Taylor. Honestly, save the $66 million and put my 140 pound ass out there. Can't get worse. On one passing play I could have swore I saw Tony Romo re-tape his finger while waiting for the WRs to reach their spots. In our previous mid-season posting, I had wrote the Skins were going to lose this game, which the other editor removed (being a Skins fan). Of course it's miserable predicting we'll lose at home to DAL, but we have too many weaknesses. In addition, as my other friend noted, "The Redskins never win big games." Here here. After last night it was crystal clear this team is not at all Super Bowl ready. Hopefully we can trade more draft picks for another "quality" DE.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Redskins: Mid-season report card

Zorn = A
During the season opener, on the sidelines in the Meadowlands, there was a brief interaction between Zorn and Campbell that made me feel sick. You could just see the shock on Zorn's face and the consternation on JC's face. It was like that scene from "My Cousin Vinny" when Ralph Macchio's friend, who chooses the public defender to defend him, watches in horror as he stutters and spits all over the jury in his opening statement. "That wasn't what we talked about!" he says to the lawyer. Which is pretty much what it looked like Zorn was telling JC. Since then, there has been little evidence that the coach hasn't been getting through to his players. The results have been beyond any expectations we could have had--beyond any expectations we had a right to hold. His play-calling has kept opposing teams guessing. Hell, his play-calling has kept our team guessing. His fresh approach to offense in this town was just what the team and the fans needed after what had become a somewhat stale philosophy. You won't hear any Gibbs-bashing here, but the truth is that the players were in drastic need of a new mindset on offense. The fans could live through a decade or more of Gibbs teams fighting to make the playoffs, but the players just seemed to know--seemed to be resigned to the fact that--what we were doing wasn't going to cut it in this league in the playoffs. The lack of off-field disciplinary problems, the relatively positive vibe from the practice field, locker room, and post-game interviews, the embracing of yet another coaching regime...all of this points to Zorn in my opinion.

Offense = B+
League Rankings: Total Offense (11), Total Points (26), Passing (19), Rushing (4), Time of Possession (6), Turnover Ratio (2), Touchdowns (26)

There is another stat that doesn't get attention paid by many other people except for us here at the Inquirer--KNEEL DOWNS. Victory Formation. Ending the game by taking a knee. I plan to give the defense the lion's share of the credit for where we are right now, but let's not gloss over the accomplishments of an offense working to learn yet another new scheme. We are running the ball not just effectively, but brutally, deliberately, and from all points on the field/situations in the game. We are converting 3rd downs. We are converting 4th downs. We are getting in positions late in the 4th quarter where one play gets us to kneel down territory. Of our 6 wins, I think I count 5 kneel downs. Please correct me if I am wrong (did we kneel out the CLE game?). Again, with all due respect to Gibbs, his gameplan was to get us to the last 30 seconds of a 2 point game and either we kick the game-winning field goal, or we keep the other team from making the game-winning field goal. This year, while the games have continued to be close on the scoreboard, the difference has been the closing of games in Victory Formation. Not to say there haven't been some nail-biter plays in critical situations--there have been a number of them. Our offense has embarked on countless 10+ play drives. We have piled up the 1st downs against our opponents, and we control time of possession masterfully. Jason Campbell is playing confidently and our offensive line is at the very least run-blocking well. We need more production from the rookie receivers, but again, expectations have been exceeded by this unit.

Defense = A-
League Rankings: Points Allowed (7), Yards Allowed (4), Passing (8), Rushing (5), Sacks (24th - 9 total), Turnovers (Bad): 9 total - 3 Fumble Rec, 6 INT

The Redskins are 6-3, in the thick of the playoff hunt and the defense is absolutely leading the charge. Not enough turnovers or sacks to be in the A category you say? That is the minus. To me, 5th in the league against the run is simply MANLY. Run defense is all about heart and will. You have to want to be at the point of attack. You have to want to be in the fire where some of the biggest boys you ever saw are trying to really hurt you. It's guts. It's determination. It separates good from great. It delineates between good on paper and good on the field. Simply put, our team tackles well. We tackle well in the open field (see London Fletcher's game-winning stop against Calvin Johnson, or his big 3rd down tackle of Brian Westbrook late in that game---both plays were one-on-one, open field plays). There have been breakdowns. Laron Landry did get run over by Brandon Jacobs in one of the most vicious collisions if the year. Our offense has contributed by keeping the ball longer than in the past. Keeps our defense fresher. Still, 5th in the league against the rush puts you in A territory. Add to that the top 10 rankings in Pts Allowed, Passing Yds, and Total Yards allowed, and this defensive unit has really built a reputation for itself. We need to see an improved pass rush down the stretch. We need to see our corners capitalize on balls thrown right to them. Greg Blache, in addition to being a great quote, really knows his players on defense and understands how to put them in positions to succeed. Laron Landry, while not the same everpresent force that Sean Taylor was, is still dominating the secondary. He doesn't make it into the picture on EVERY play like Sean did, but watch him if you are at FedEx. Watch him as best you can on TV. I do. His impact pre-snap is sizable, as he is oftentimes moving from front to back to give the opposing QB a little confusion. He is lightning quick to the hole on runs and the side he shades on pass plays is often the side that gets avoided. I happen to think opposing defensive coordinators are rather afraid of Laron Landry. If our D-line could generate just a little more pressure, you might see Laron capable of capitalizing on some quick throws/rushed decisions. Our defense best described in one word--Studly.

Special Teams = C
Suisham is a consistent, serviceable kicker. He has provided some stability where for years there has been none. He brings this grade up. Because our punt unit has been in shambles. We have given up what, 3 punt returns for touchdowns? Unacceptable. We suffered through a rookie punter's learning-on-the-job as long as we could before hitting the street for a replacement. Cartwright continues to be a strong kickoff return guy, but Randle-El has been awful. He just doesn't seem to have the moves. When a guy like Moss comes in and in the course of 2 tries, he worms his way to the end zone, a bell has to go off. Randle-El is a weapon that has a spot on our offense. He belongs in the rotation of punt returners, but he simply can't be called our primary punt returner. I sincerely hope DeAngelo Hall is standing back there this week. Give Devin Thomas some reps. Mix Randle-El in. There will be a game in the near future...either the Eagles game or the Ravens game--maybe both--where our special teams will be in a spot to win the game. And it will probably determine our playoff eligibility as well.

With seven games to go, 10-6 should put us squarely in control of our future. That means we have to beat Seattle, Cincinnati and San Francisco. And then we have to win one against Baltimore, Dallas, Philly or the Giants. Clinton Portis probably can't and probably SHOULDN'T play this week. We need him down the stretch and we need him in the playoffs. Let Ladell get some work. And let's be honest about Shaun Alexander--anything he gives us is gravy because he is done. We need Jason Taylor to show us some Defensive Player of the Year action. We need Carlos Rogers to CATCH the damn ball. And we need Zorn to keep the ship steady, moving, and confident. My pre-season prediction was 10-6, which at the time was, well, probably a little stupid. I am going to upgrade though to 12-4. "Are you feeling stupid honey? I know I am!"

Wins against:

Seattle: Look for Zorn to be the elixir that solves our problems in that god-forsaken city.
Cincy: Can't beat them, don't deserve to make the playoffs.
San Fran: ditto
Baltimore: I predict a 17-16 kind of game that will feel a lot like taking a sledgehammer to the nads.
Dallas: "Close the gate on these F**KHEADS!!" This loss knocks Dallas out of the playoffs.
Philly: They just don't seem as confident of an offense against us as they do just about every other week. Very odd. Tell me if you disagree...

I hate predicting losses, but if we have to take another set of lumps, might as well be the defending Super Bowl champs who serve them up. Let's hope we get a 3rd shot at them---part of my prediction of losing to them is that we see them in the playoffs where it becomes a favorable matchup for us since it is statistically improbable to beat a team THREE times in a single season.

Enough looking backward and's Dallas week. We have business to take care of NOW.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

If Sarah Palin ran the Redskins

Amazingly Ahern did not get crucified for posting our thoughts on an Obama-led Redskins era, so as promised, we tried to sit back and think the same if Sarah Palin (God help us) took over control:

- Courtesy binoculars for everyone in the top 15 rows to keep an eye on Russia.

- Free Gun pamplets with the purchase of any beer or size childrens meal.

- Firing of Zorn and hiring of Deborah Harris (voted #1 hockey mom in Wasilla, AK).

- Lie detectors upon entrance to ensure incoming fan does not support health care for same sex couples.

- Green Lots A-C will be closed for 4 years for potential exploration of oil and natural gas.

- Redskins renamed to the Washington Mavericks.

- Neiman Marcus kiosks throughout stadium.

- New rule that no less than 75% of the salary cap must be spent on defense.

- Larry Michael's Redskins Report will be replaced by the "Snowin' High Mobile Report", Todd Palen's new half-hour show dedicated 100% to snow mobile racing as to generate interest across the East coast.

- Similar to how the Philadelphia Eagles show Sylvester Stallone before team intros, the Redskins will bring Joe the Plumber out to rile the crowd up.

- FedEx converts to full energy independence -- Every upper deck (low-income) seat comes equipped with a stationary bicycle apparatus that turns a generator to provide the necessary electricity.

- Moose and Venison burgers to replace hot dogs in all concessions.

Staff changes:
VP of Player Personnel: Vinny Cerrato (OUT), Todd Palin (IN)
Team Chaplain: Billy Graham (IN)
Cheerleaders Coach: herself
PR Director: Bill O'Reilly
Director of Security: PG County Police (OUT), Dick Cheney (IN)

Results: After a dreadful 2 years and 0-32, Redskins fold and Goodell OK's the team to move to Oklahoma City. (And no, the team is not renamed to the Bombers).

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

DAGGGERRR!!! (1st one of 2008-2009)

So the Wizards impressively beat Utah on a great effort from Javale and Caron. It took 5 games for something to cheer about, but Steve Buckhantz had his mid-season "Dagger!" ready for fire.

Monday, November 10, 2008

If Obama Ran the Redskins

So as U.S. begins life with Obama, I couldn't help but think what life would be like as a Redskins fan if Obama took over for Daniel Snyder for 4 years. Like with W., I think lots of changes would come swiftly, including:

- 25% increase in price for club & lower level tickets so that upper deck tickets can be given away to those making under $25,000 per year.

- Special parking lot closer to the stadium for hybrid and alternative-fuel cars. Air hoses will be attached to each light post so that every driver can inflate their tires to get better gas mileage.

- Ban on all charcoal grills.

- Current Guantanomo detainees released and brought up to Fedex to help out with concessions/vending.

- Instead of Rush Limbaugh, Roger Goodell, and Tom Cruise in the owner's booth, look for Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Hugo Chavez, and North Korea's Kim Jong-Il.

- Change in food selection to healthier menu to help fans make better and smarter choices. Free health care available at kiosks throughout stadium.

- Abortion consultations available in all women's restrooms.

- All home games will be day games to save electricity.

- Team's name is changed from the Redskins to the Washington Native Americans (the Washington Hope was a close second).

- Haftime there will be no band and everyone can take a moment to turn and pray to the God of their choice. A special flag will be added at the top of the stadium to highlight which direction is West towards the Mecca.

- Video above all urinals showing looping infomericals of why stem cell research is good.

The following people will be relieved of their duties and replaced by:

President of Operations: Vinny Cerrato (OUT), Nancy Pelosi (IN)
Team Chaplain: Brett Fuller (OUT), Reverend Jeremiah Wright (IN)
Salary Cap Assistant: Matt Jacobson (OUT), Jesse Jackson (IN)
Team Administration: Derrick Crawford (OUT), Oprah Winfrey (IN)
Director of Entertainment & Cheerleading: Donald Wells (OUT), Ted Kennedy (IN)
Director of Security: PG County Police (OUT), Bill Ayers (IN)

PS - Check back later in the week for our take on Sarah Palin's changes as the Redskins owner. We're pretty sure the team would be bankrupt by year two.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Entering the BYE Week

Entering the BYE week my liver is doing not well. The MNF game absolutely crushed it and after getting bombed in Jacksonville all weekend for the FLA/GA game and getting bombed last night at the Art Monk Charity party....I can say this Bye week is much needed.

Some notes from the Art Monk party last night:

- Doc Walker gave a funny Intro speech before handing the mic off to Art. He mentioned that the "Fun Bunch" had a prior nickname called the "Fun and Naked bunch". I didn't know a black man could blush but Art did and he immediately laughed he was no part of that.

- Gary Clark gave a fantastic intro as well saying coming in as the rookie, "I learned all my moves from Art....and made them better." ha.

- Art thanked the fans as expected and cited 2 times in his career he dropped wide open passes (ala Carlos Rogers style) and the fans still cheered him on.

- The buffet line was quite long and I saw Ken Harvey cut it right in front of me. I immediately said "Excuse me!?! Who do you think are?!" in a pissed off voice. He looked at me stunned and I started laughing which he joined in with and said "OK, I'll go to the back of the line if you can tackle me." Lets just say Harvey won't be cutting anymore lines and I won't be allowed to any more parties.

haha. I didn't tackle him....thankfully for me it was still the pre-shots part of the night.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Redskins fans need to find another way to make some extra $

So sitting in the upper deck for the 1st quarter of the Redskins/Steelers game, out of my row of 30 seats, 25 were Steelers fans. And that was pretty much par for the stadium. Monday night games are a BIG treat for any true fan, so why would so many Skins "fans" want to sell their tickets? The weather was awesome and the team is competing for first place!! Who are these people?

I did a quick check on ebay to see how many tickets are for sale for the MUCH anticipated Cowboys game this Sunday night. How many pairs of tickets would you guess?

A whopping 300 pairs!!! And that's just the currently active ones. Searching the completed (sold) ones shows 500 pairs!!! So with ebay alone that is an entire section of Fedex. WTF?

So what about the other ticket sites?

Craigslist DC (active only): 290 pairs.
Stubhub (active only): 1498 pairs. (active only): 501 pairs. (active only): 523 pairs.

Total of approx 7,300 tix currently. That's 1/13th of Fedex thats up for grabs right now. And when you tack on all the ticket broker sites I missed, and the ones already sold on CraigsList...we're easily at 1/10th of capacity.

Not only that...LOADS of parking passes as well. As we all know, Snyder signed a deal with Stubhub that made it SUPER easy for Skins fans to sell their tix via that site (and he of course gets a cut off that ticket price too). Having a vehicle that makes it so easy for fans to unload tickets is defintely a problem. As a quick comparison, for the Ravens game in Baltimore, there is only 50 pairs of tickets active on ebay and 105 already purchased. That is a BIG difference.

It's the same story with Wizards and Nationals games as well. But lets be real here, NFL is the ultimate in fan loyalty, and it should never get as bad as it did for the Monday night game. So amongst all this babbling...if you're not going to ever go to the Skins game, give up your season tickets so real fans can go.

I found a forum posting on from 2006 where people complained about Fedex, the pricing, the fans, etc...and how they'd rather just keep their tix and sell. One poster even called it:

"There a lot of people who have contemplated selling their tickets (if they haven't already). Well, it doesn't matter to Snyder . . . because again, he is getting his money. Snyder is testing the loyalty of Redskins fans...He is in a bet that he knows he can win, because people (regardless of what uniform they wear) will still show up to games. But sooner or later, this will catch up to him...And I would not be surprised to see many of our 'fans' turn to Baltimore in a few years."

I have always been vocal to how Synder puts money above everything, and the fans notice it and feel it. Why not get some of the money back scalping? Well, the reason is by doing that you ruin it for all the fans who do care.