Thursday, November 13, 2008
Amazingly Ahern did not get crucified for posting our thoughts on an Obama-led Redskins era, so as promised, we tried to sit back and think the same if Sarah Palin (God help us) took over control:
- Courtesy binoculars for everyone in the top 15 rows to keep an eye on Russia.
- Free Gun pamplets with the purchase of any beer or size childrens meal.
- Firing of Zorn and hiring of Deborah Harris (voted #1 hockey mom in Wasilla, AK).
- Lie detectors upon entrance to ensure incoming fan does not support health care for same sex couples.
- Green Lots A-C will be closed for 4 years for potential exploration of oil and natural gas.
- Redskins renamed to the Washington Mavericks.
- Neiman Marcus kiosks throughout stadium.
- New rule that no less than 75% of the salary cap must be spent on defense.
- Larry Michael's Redskins Report will be replaced by the "Snowin' High Mobile Report", Todd Palen's new half-hour show dedicated 100% to snow mobile racing as to generate interest across the East coast.
- Similar to how the Philadelphia Eagles show Sylvester Stallone before team intros, the Redskins will bring Joe the Plumber out to rile the crowd up.
- FedEx converts to full energy independence -- Every upper deck (low-income) seat comes equipped with a stationary bicycle apparatus that turns a generator to provide the necessary electricity.
- Moose and Venison burgers to replace hot dogs in all concessions.
VP of Player Personnel: Vinny Cerrato (OUT), Todd Palin (IN)
Team Chaplain: Billy Graham (IN)
Cheerleaders Coach: herself
PR Director: Bill O'Reilly
Director of Security: PG County Police (OUT), Dick Cheney (IN)
Results: After a dreadful 2 years and 0-32, Redskins fold and Goodell OK's the team to move to Oklahoma City. (And no, the team is not renamed to the Bombers).