Thursday, June 26, 2008

Excuse Me Brenda...You're Standing In JaVale's Spot

Time: After the second "Two and a Half Men" rerun, but before the first "South Park" rerun ("It's Something You Do With Your Finger") JaVale McGee. Here's what I know. Both of his names have two capital letters. TWO. He has a 7'6" wingspan and according to the Wizards Insider at the Post, he has some thoughts on his ratings in upcoming video games. I don't want to say the pick surprised people, but when they announced it, BOTH of Stuart Scott's eyes popped open. That's right.

We could not afford to take an undersized forward--which is why I guess we stayed away from Darrell Arthur. Dom Corleone, a.k.a. The Godfather of Hustle is all the undersized forward we need. The draft is still going on--can someone please explain to me how the NFL draft can go on for 48 hours and be 10 times more exciting than the NBA draft?

Time: about 5 hours past my bedtime. Well, we went ahead and picked up another undersized forward. Bill Walker. When I heard the name I wondered if we were drafting accountants or basketball players. "Wizards Accounts Payable, Bill speaking....JUST a moment."

Last thought, how did Adam Silver get to be the deputy commissioner of the NBA? He looks like the evil Nazi antagonist from "Raiders of the Lost Ark"--he looks like that guy did AS he was being melted. Scary. My diaper was clean before he took the stage. Not anymore.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Nothing Secret about Gilbert Coming Back

Of course Gilbert is coming back to the Wizards. Nobody can offer him what the Wizards can: the most money, the most freedom, the most love. We love him for who he is and ignore the blaringly obvious deficiencies/abnormalities in his game (lack of defense, ball dominance, shoot-first point guard). He is free to dominate the ball on offense but with the emergence of Caron Butler as the heart and soul of the Wizards, an evolution will need to occur in Gilbert's game and I don't think there is any reason to expect he won't accept it. Just as Tiger Woods will need to at least consider changing his style somewhat before returning next season to preserve his body, legacy, and longevity in the game of golf, Gilbert Arenas will need to at least consider adopting a varying style in his own game to preserve not only his own longevity and legacy in The Phone Booth, but to transform the Wizards from a perennial threat to almost win a playoff series to a perennial threat to make it to the conference finals. The pairing of a healthy Gilbert and a healthy Caron is enough to inspire that kind of threat. The role players surrounding the two of them should be able to pitch in what is necessary to win a game here and there -- Nick Young is capable of dropping in 25-30 points in one night, Andray Blatche is capable of 15 pts, 10 rebounds in one night, and Dom Corleone (the Godfather of Hustle) and Darius Songaila are capable of polishing enough offensive and defensive glass in one night to secure a win. These things don't have to happen in the same game...but they will need to happen with enough frequency that all the pressure doesn't continue to fall on Caron and Gilbert every single night.

"What about Twan," you must be thinking? Am I the only one who has this sinking feeling he ain't coming back? Do we want him back, even need him back? Yeah, we do. Even if he starts to dip from a production standpoint, his leadership in the locker room and maturity on the court are needed more now than ever as we try and bring along the likes of Blatche, Young, and Maguire. I am not sure if Butler can fill that role, or even if he wants to fill that role but he may have to, since I am sure Gilbert neither wants to nor has the current maturity to fill that role.

When Gilbert said he would take less money to stay with the Wiz as long as they took care of Twan first, it was a classy move on Gil's part. Acting as his own agent, he offered a team-first attitude with regard to his contract that was at least on its face rather refreshing. And it is not like Twan doesn't want to come back or that we won't make him a fair and reasonable offer to stay. But we know he is interested in retiring down in the Carolina area, and he has stated his desire to finish his basketball-playing days down there. This may very well not be the contract he retires on, so we may get lucky and land him here for 2-3 years before he puts in a 1-2 year stint on the Bobcats' roster. In the back of my mind though, I envision Jamison telling Gilbert to play in DC without him, to take over this team with Caron and get to the next level. In a sign-and-trade, we could get a pretty solid player from Carolina's stocked roster to build on. Throw in Stevenson and make a run at Okafor. Throw in Pecherov too if it helped. One hang-up of course would be that the Bobcats are run by a certain former Wizard who may be unwilling to do anything to help out our franchise -- Michael Jordan. On the other hand, he has a history of making moves for Tar Heels, and Jamison is a stud Tar Heel that would not only put fans in the stands, but produce on the court.

Whether we already have a secret deal with Gilbert in place doesn't matter. His future is inextricably tied to the Wizards' franchise. He became an elite NBA player here. He became an elite NBA personality here. He accomplished both by embracing the fan base here and using it to catapult him into the hearts of NBA fans everywhere. Some players feed on hate to bring out their best. Gilbert feeds on love...he needed to be loved the way we love him in DC to be successful. Even if certain few cities' fans around the country don't follow his every move with the same adoration as we do, his identity on the NBA landscape is very much equated with the way his fans love him, not the way a select few fans hate on him. Add to that the European tour the Wizards embark on next year and the NBA's willingness to make him top billing and there is simply nothing secret about him coming back.

The NBA draft is Thursday night. Any ideas on what Ernie Grunfeld is going to do?

Monday, June 23, 2008

Ladies...Skins Training Camp Schedule is Up!

I meant to post this last week, but the nice weather, happy hours, and girls in sun-dresses sky-rocketed to priority #1. The Skins have one of the most restrictive Training Camps in the NFL (fewest days for the fans to attend). The most likely reason is because Dan Snyder cannot make $$ off it and thus has to foot the bill. It's such a shame too, his business model is backwards. I have stopped purchasing everything Redskins related because I do not want my $$ going to Snyder. I buy Skins gear off ebay. Remember how that plan worked when he charged fans for training camp? Total disaster. The last straw for me was when (as a club level season ticket holder) I had to pay $20 for parking at FedEx for a SCRIMMAGE. Nickel and diming at its worst. I enjoy beers but now I sneak in airplane bottles. He ain't seeing a cent from me.'s the schedule.

Sunday, July 20
Open Practice, Morning
8:30 a.m. ET

Monday, July 21
Open Practice, Morning
8:30 a.m. ET

Tuesday, July 22
Open Practice, Morning
8:30 a.m. ET

Wednesday, July 23
Open Practice, Morning
8:30 a.m. ET

Thursday, July 24
Open Practice, Morning
8:30 a.m. ET

Friday, July 25
Open Practice, Morning
8:30 a.m. ET

Saturday, July 26
Includes Intra-squad Scrimmage
Individual drills begins at 1:20 p.m. ET
Scrimmage begins at 2 p.m. ET
Stay tuned for more Fan Day information, coming soon

Sunday, July 27
Open Practice, Morning
8:30 a.m. ET

Monday, July 28
Open Practice, Morning
8:30 a.m. ET

All practices from this date on will be closed to the public.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Cooley Needs Help With Eastern Motors Name

So Chris Cooley is about to do an Eastern Motors shot. We already know all the names of the previous players because we quizzed you on it earlier. You remember that? Anyway, Cooley wants to go with "John Wayne" which is kind of lame. We at Ahern are thinking...of course my initial thought is doing some sort of Sean Taylor tribute. But he already did that for the Pro Bowl. Being Eastern needs to be cheesy. So, let the fun begin. You can post your entries on his blog here. Ahern won the 'name the nickname' for Roger Mason Jr and DMac expect us to win this one too. I haven't spoke to my partners Sugar and Shark yet, but I'm thinking 'The Refridgerator' and 'The Cooler'...get it? Cooley actually already mentioned 'Ice Man' on his blog, but again...not original which all the previous nicknames are.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Stop the Jordan-Kobe Comparisons

So did Kobe lay a dinosaur egg this series or what? I can't be the only one left wondering how the hell did the Lakers finish first in the West? How did they roll past the Spurs and Jazz? The Celtics had the best D in the league, true...but that never stopped Jordan when going against those great D's of the Pistons. Kobe in interviews constantly blamed having 3 or 4 people on him at one time. What does that tell you, genius? That means 3 or 4 teammates are wide open, and we've seen how they can bang down 3's. I was also flabbergasted to hear Lamar Odom was at the clubs the night before Game 6. I guess Kwame Brown's ora is still part of the Lakers.

As for the NBA, this refereeing is more suspicious than ever. The home teams always get the calls. This keeps the series going to Game 6's and 7's while all the announcers simply say its the fans and how the bench players shoot better at home. What a load of sh!t. The NBA gets truck loads of more cash via TV ads for more games and it's a nice little cover they got going on. I'm one of those rare people that like the NBA more than college basketball but I am quickly coming around.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

DC Sports Owners' Homes...

So here's the homes of all the major owners of DC sports. Not surpringly at all, Dan Snyder's is the most obnoxiously over the top...and why wouldn't it be, he steam-rolled the state laws to build what he wanted.

Dan Snyder - Redskins - River Rd, Potomac

Ted Leonsis - Capitals - Great Falls, VA

Abe Pollin - Wizards - Kenwood, MD

Ted Lerner - Friendship Heights, DC
We don't have a pic but it's in Northern Friendship Heights and is a chateau-style house much larger than the other houses on the block.

And why not...since we know it...
Frederick Smoot - Redskins - Great Falls, VA

Sorry fellas, I haven't tracked down the DC Divas owners' homes yet. I think the owners are actually still renting a 1BR apartment so that makes it tough.

Which house would you want to live in most?
Dan Snyder's
Ted Leonsis's
Abe Pollin's
Fred Smoot's free polls

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

I Feel the Need...the Need for GREED!

Let's not spend too much time trying to figure out all the ramifications of the current labor crisis in the NFL. Everyone involved is currently making a ton of money, and no matter the outcome, everyone will continue to make godless, sinful amounts of money. Let's instead look at how a possible uncapped year would and should benefit a team that has done nothing but mortgage future salary cap space for immediate marginal benefits -- the Washington Redskins.

Show Me the Money
For years now, Danny has written gigantic checks to bring in free agents and continually re-negotiated those large contracts to push off salary obligations into future years to create space now to sign more lucrative free agent deals. This has resulted in the Redskins being perilously close to or over the cap each year, and has hamstrung the team at times when it has perhaps identified a need that it could not address in free agency because, well, you just can't sign everyone to $35 million deals.

Risky Business
The term "salary cap hell" or "salary cap jail" has been bandied about for the last few years as everyone assumed that the check would come due and this team would implode due to the lack of fiscal responsibility the front office has shown. I mean, you can only sign, not play and then cut so many guys like Brandon Lloyd before you get screwed in the end right? You can only take so many $9 million hits from jettisoning guys like Lav Coles before it all catches up to you right? How many guys can you give $8 million checks to who retire less than 12 months later (thanks Deion) before someone says, " of right now, we can only afford 39 players at 9 bucks each. And how did Albert Belle get on your payroll?"

Enter the current collective bargaining conundrum. In 2010, there will be an uncapped year. Even before you start wondering how Danny will keep himself from re-signing Jeff George for $25 million, remember that the rules will change to keep almost all the premier talent off the free agent market. If anyone gets overpaid, it will be a bunch of middle-tier talent -- don't get me wrong, we will overpay for some middle-tier talent. But it also will give the Redskins a chance to clear ALL of the mess they have created the last 5-7 years or so.

All the Right Moves
First things there is a player on your roster like Brandon Lloyd you can't cut because it would cost you too much salary cap hit? Cut him in 2009, book the charge in 2010. Doesn't help us today with the Brandond Lloyd situation, but there is always another B Lloyd waiting to happen in this league. We won't be held hostage to those guys.

Eyes Wide Shut
All those contract re-negotiations where we turn riduculously high salaries into bonuses paid out over future years? No need...we can afford the high salary in 2010. So we just need to weather the re-negotiations one more season, pushing as much of next year's cap space out as possible. Thank God! We were going to do that anyway.

Then, for every vested vet (which is a player in the league with four or more years of service) whose deal we would traditionally rework, we cut him...and resign him immediately. All the cap charges we would have tried to push into future years would all come crashing down on....2010. Danny has essentially given these guys their bonus checks already (unlike other owners who pay them out as they amortize). So he would just be accelerating the damage to future salary caps to the year with NO salary cap. BRILLIANT! They would still come back into the fold with decent salaries, but they could be reasonable salaries, no-frill salaries...gasp!...responsible salaries.

A Few Good Men
I realize there would still be a few players who would be in the books with high salaries that we could not cut due to too few years of service or due to an overzealous agent we could not trust, but let's face it: enough of our high-priced players are swimming in dough thanks to Danny and would/should be willing to work with him to alleviate some future payroll problems.

Burgundy and Gold...The Color of Money
Maybe the salary cap never comes back. Maybe all the owners get naked at a bonfire and promise each other to only spend $25 per player from now on. But the fact is, this creates a one-time opportunity to expel the demons of past stupidity, even if only to create room for future stupidity. And not every owner can pull it off. The ones who dangle the bonus money on a string each year would have to pony it all up at once and some owners are simply unable or unwilling to take that kind of a cash hit in one year. Danny Snyder craps that kind of cash.

Mission Impossible?
I would be interested to hear what folks out there think. I can't be the only one to have thought of this. And before you write to tell me this can't happen, know that we at The Inquirer presented the question of "Is this possible" to a guy with 22 years of NFL experience, including jobs with the Broncos, Raiders, Browns, Eagles, and 49ers. He assures us it is absolutely possible.

P.S. Has anyone else seen this link to soccer wives and girlfriends? Let's just say I am glad I have this information now as opposed to in 30 years from now so I can dedicate my life to soccer. I gave up breast-feeding when I was 6 months old, but this list could knock me off the wagon for sure. YEGADS man!

Make Eastern Motors your Ringtone

The EM ringtone is quite the hit and most people are rather confused because one naturally looks to the TV when they hear the song, yet its the cellphone blasting away. Anyway, it's rather easy to put any mp3 onto your phone.

1.) Download the Eastern Motors mp3 (which I already cut so its starts and ends at the perfect time).
2.) Download and install Bitpim
3.) Bitpim is pretty easy to follow. You'll need a USB chord that connects your phone to your PC. From there, setup is pretty easy. Simply pick your phone type and Bitpim will do the rest.

You can upload any mp3 and cut any part of the song to be the ringtone. Like when Revered McDietz calls, the Beastie Boys skit kicks off, "If its gonna be that kinda party, i'm gonna stick my dick in the mashed potatoes." Enjoy.