Friday, May 30, 2008

Buy Fred Smoot Smack Bars...Win a Car

So Fred Smoot's snack bars don't seem to be selling too well. They have a contest now if you buy a case (of 12) for $16.99 (free shipping), you are automatically entered in a contest to win a Ford Mustang, cruise to Bahamas, plasma TV, Wii, and lots of fabulous prizes. I wonder if the cruise is the same sex-boat he used 2 years ago. All I know is at the Skins tailgates this year, you can count on Smack bars being served as the dessert.

If you can't wait for the delivery or want more info, you can buy a case here.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Mariah Carey Deserves a Japanese ESPY Award

If you haven't seen this yet, Mariah Carey threw out the first pitch at an Asian baseball game. If I asked you, "over/ far does she throw the ball before it gets to home or hits the ground?" If you guessed 4 feet, you'd be right. This is god awful yet fantastic.

Shark Bites

Ahern has added a 3rd writer aka 'Shark' who will be doing a weekly editiorial piece on whatever he feels like. He has been a force for Ahern in our content and feel it is only fair to let him share in the spotlight. Enjoy.

I may not know much about the world yet, but I know this: the Wizards should package their 1st round pick (#18), Brendan Haywood and Deshawn Stevenson, and go after the best big man/rebounder they can get. Would the Heat consider trading Beasley for that package? Would the Bobcats consider trading Okafor for that package? Haywood will give you the best effort imaginable since it is a contract year for him. Stevenson is playing under an extremely affordable contract that is very tradeable.

Granted, there will surely be a very talented player available at #18. Too bad we are not one very talented player away from having a dangerous roster. We need to give Caron Butler (the heart of this team now) all the help we can and Haywood simply does not fit on a Caron Butler-led team. We need a pounder, a big man who plays better defense, a center who doesn't insist on DRIBBLING UNDER THE BASKET! I blew breast milk out of my nose on more than one occasion as I witnessed that 7-footer try and put the ball on the ground only to either bounce it off his foot or get it stolen.

Arenas, Jamison, Blatche, Young, McGuire, and Songaila are all strong contributors and good teammates for Caron. Stevenson has to go though...he's worn out his welcome. I have grown more attached to my poop-filled diapers than I am to this guy. Deshawn is the kind of player who will have a job in this league for the next 7-10 years. If I turn 7 years old and he is still a Wizard, I will be more pissed than when I crapped my diaper on the way into church and had to sit in it for the next 2 hours (yes, it was Palm Sunday mass).

Quick Hitters:
No matter what they say, that was DEFINITELY a foul by Derek Fisher at the end of Spurs/Lakers Game 4 the other night, that DEFINITELY should NOT have been called. It was clear as day that Derek made contact with Brent Barry when he jumped and came down onhis arm like that, which is the definition of a foul. Maybe Brent's mistake was not hitting the floor on the contact like Timmy and Manu do so well. So I liked the no-call close call at the end of the game. It is time for the Spurs to suck again and David Stern is seeing to it like we predicted.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Most Oustanding IWFL Player Profiles

So you probably didn't know this but right now the Women's Football League (yes, tackle) is already in mid-season. I have never laughed so hard but my friends and I have found the most oustanding players from this league. Wisely, a lot of the teams left out key information like weight, position, and a picture. Enjoy, and have a box of tissues ready to wipe the tears away. Click on each picture to view the player's full/detailed profile:

#4 - Gayle 'GoGo' Dilla - DC Divas - Pos: DL
I personally LOVE the nickname. How many 46 year-old women weighing 170+ pounds do you know nicknamed 'Go-Go'? She also gets kudos for posing as a Center when she is listed a defensive lineman.

#3 - Karen Swinnerton - Phi Vipers - Pos: Unlisted (Taco Bell drive-thru)
I didn't know players could have FUPAs.

#2 - Deborah Balkcom - Phi Vipers - Pos: Unlisted (Nursing home)
Over/under 50 years old? Under you say? Incorrect!

#1 - Carolyn Few - Baltimore Nighthawks - Pos: WR
Check out the weight and then the position this lady plays. Unfortunately, there is no picture in Carolyn's profile so I substituted in one for the first result back from google images for 300 lb woman. Being a WR, do you think she can run the 40 in under 6 minutes?

OK, so now that we have had a laugh, it's time for our rankings for HOTTEST IWFL players. I could only find 2 in the entire league, so with no further ado:


#2 - Sarah Beauchamp - Pittsburgh Passion - DB

#1 - Kate Sullivan - Pittsburgh Passion - TE (indeed)

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Motivational Posters (Part I)

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Lebron Diss Songs Contine into Celtics/Cavs

I really questioned myself whether I should blog this or not, because I HATE giving attention to no-name people that write terrible songs...but, well, things that are so bad can sometimes be funny (Screech from Saved By the Bell and his Nazi tirade in that reality show). Anyway, behold, some no-namer Celtics fan's rap song backing DeShawn and dissing Jay-Z and Lebron. Jigga should have known not to get involved because now you have every ass clown and their mother (Mother's Day people) writing diss songs. Ahern plans to come out with our own song soon...but enjoy...the one prop I will give is the lyric "Lebron..suck on your booby (Gibson)." sigh.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Betting on NFL Arrests

So a new website just came to my attention that takes bets on if specific NFL teams will have an arrest.

How the Cowboys are only 15/1 baffles me. Pacman ALONE should be 3/1. I am calling it now that there will be 2 arrests on their bye week alone. The Bengals are ALWAYS good for at least one.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Stayin! Alive

What can I say. Helluva a game despite the WORST officiating I have ever seen. My game ball goes to Roger Masjon Jr. He comes into the game and makes nothing but baskets. Caron definitely played like an All-star and is deserved of it too. All my Cleveland friends text-messaged me "How is that not a foul?" on the last play. What was amazing was Caron got SUPER hacked 2 plays before and of course it wasn't called.

And I have to mention that FIVE step no-call travel Lebron had lsat night. He dribbled once at the 3-point line and then took 5 steps for a layup. I was in utter shock it wasn't called. Hopefully Eddie will show it to the league. I don't see it on youtube but I'll get it on the replay of the game tonight.

I'm all for letting them play ball, but fouls need to be called. They were calling fouls on both ends where I was like "Let them play." Game 6 is going to be a party. See you all there.