Redskins Gayfest

We don't know if homosexuals follow the NFL, or the Redskins for that matter, but if they did, then they certainly would love this clip. This is a behind the scenes shoot for Easterns Motors....jump ahead to the 1:40 mark, which is about where this still-frame of Cooley's legs appear.



Actually, now that I think about it, there are gay fans. Last year I sat in the upper deck at Fedex for the Cowboys game with my friend's Dad. Amazingly, there were 2 gay Cowboys fans sitting directly in front of us (Cowboys jersies and all). They weren't flaming, but it was bad (arms around each other, smiling a lot). My friend's Dad and I absolutely crushed them with insults so mercilessly they had to leave by the 3rd quarter. I don’t remember all the insults but I remember asking the one dude “So if Romo throws a touchdown today, does that mean you get to receive tonight?”

Thursday Night Football - LOCK

So its 30 minutes to kick-off and Ahern loves the Steelers tonight -11...even before Chad Johnson got suspended. Anytime a bad team goes into PIT (#1 Defense)...they're going to get worked. All the internal drama with Ocho will certainly distract the players' game plans. Easy Money.

Redskins: The Home Stretch

The Skins have been a lot like the Terps this year, inconsistent. There's nothing worse for a fan where your team shows flashes of brilliance at times, and then completely lays an egg the next week. I am consistently made the fool when talking shit to my friends in Philly and New York. At least with the Nationals we know to focus us all of our energy to having laughs and staring at hotties. Regardless, we have quite an interesting schedule coming up. Several teams seem like slam dunks, but that is far from the truth when the Redskins are involved. The Bengals took both the Eagles and Giants to overtime, so we can't count that as W yet. When talking about the varying range of opponents we have left, we came to the conclusion that they eerily relate to the girls of our past:

11/23 @ Seahawks Once Hot, Now Fat chick

The Seahawks were once that smoking hot girl who always dick-teased us to all hell. Nothing we could do worked, and we were always made the fool. But now that she's put on some pounds and lost all confidence, we're looking to take her down to put all past hatred to bed. HATE F*CK is a-coming.

11/30 VS Giants - Hottest Girl in the bar

The Giants game will be our one last ditch effort at the hot chick. We'll be able to hold the conversation, buy her a drink, and wave a nice crisp $20 bill front of her. Then we lower our guard and fumble with the cheese line "Did you fart? Because you just blew me away" at which point the girl leaves us in the dust with 10 minutes before last call.

12/7 @ Ravens - Hooking up with the awful girl next door

She's not the prettiest girl in the bunch; however; being neighbors we both know each at a certain uncomfortable level. We prefer not to hang out because our social circles and interests are so different, but here we are. It's last call, we're both hammered...so we might as well dance. Three quarters through the season, neither of us are impressive looking, but something has got to give. Whoever is still competing in the 4th wins this game. Have you ever stopped in the middle of hooking up and thought, "Why am I doing this? I'd rather be in my own bed!" This game has the same feeling. Fight through it Skins.

12/14 @ Bengals - The fat chick

The team has no redeeming qualities and it's emberassing as all hell if you get shot down. The Bengals D has been smothering as of late and despite their 1-8 record, they've taken the Giants and Eagles both to OT. Just like fat chicks, they have an unbridled perseverance. I hate to use the word "penetration" this close to the picture above, but it's what we need. Who-Dey's wide receivers can be lethal so we must attack the QB position. Laron Landry needs to take one for the team.

12/21 VS Eagles- The Stuck-up Bitch

Fiesty. Physical. And likes to go deep, a lot. No one looks forward to the Eagles game. No matter what their record, they're dangerous. This is our last chance to win a home NFC East game...the Bitch is going down.

12/28 @ 49ers - I'm getting bored with this game so I'm including a picture of the hottest 49'ers cheerleader

I mean, what is there left to say? By this last game of the season, this is a MUST win and we'll need some help from another team's loss to get into the playoffs. With our wave of injuries and old players, we'll probably have lost another key guy by this point. We're limping into the post-season.

Remembering Sean Taylor

The ESPN homepage right now is all about Sean Taylor with an article written by Clinton Portis and other players.

Clinton Portis words

How the Skins think and talk about Taylor daily

If We Can't Enjoy the Wiz, We Might as Well Profit Off of Them....

So we at Ahern consider ourselves gambling sauvvy. We're 2-0 when betting against the Wiz this year. I just watched the Wiz lose to the Heat tonight, and I was in shock to see the Wiz were favored by 2 points. Sure, a lot of people make this kind of revelation after the game was played out, but this is not the case. I know the Wiz's vulnerabilities all too well. We have NOBODY on the defensive side that can cover athletic, all-star point guards, such as Dwayne Wade. He's too good. Our rebounding last I saw was one of the worst 5 in the league. This makes for a very easy bet anytime we go against an athletic center as well (Dwight Howard won me $200 and the Wiz were never in this game). Regardless, we knew to stay off the Utah game, so check back often to help follow our track record througout the season. We will post our predictions only for the games we are sure on. We're not dumb gamblers who bet on games just to bet. One pattern I do follow, if the Wiz are playing back-to-back games and our opponent on the 2nd game is not, there's a very good chance we're pulling the trigger. Also, pretty much every road game we'll be taking a very close look on. Our bench players like to party so Miami, LA, and Atlanta make for game-day hangovers if we fly in the night before. Stay tuned.

Update: The Wiz are in ATL tonight after having played last night. At -10 we like it but not enough to bet. Josh Smith is out until December and Al Horford tweaked his ankle Tuesday night. Those 2 players are huge pieces for a blowout win. Patience, patience.

Eastern Motors Rips Off Ahern Inquirer who Ripped off Eastern Motors

Well, I guess it was bound to happen, but 14 months since I first had my Sean Taylor Eastern Motors jersey made, Easterns is now selling them through their website at the very cheap rate for $88 a pop (with shipping). I can't really blame them though since sales of their Lamborghinis have probably plummeted. I'm also not sure why the jerseys they have for sale are gold and not yellow.


ps - yes, i realize the wig and glasses look retarded but it seemed like a great idea after 15 games of beruit/beer pong.

Skins have a Formidable Backup for Suisham

In case Suisham goes down with an injury, it's good to know we can count on Cooley as our kicker for anything inside 30 yards.