Showing posts with label coach. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coach. Show all posts

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Now Look Here...There's Only One Ball Coach


At Coach Zorn's press conference to explain why he called himself the "Worst Coach In America", shoes started flying. With Vinny on one side and Snyder on the other (you can't see him over the podium), the pool of reporters started stirring and out emerged the Ole' Ball Coach himself, Steve Spurrier.

As Spurrier hurled the first of two shoes at Zorn's head, he screamed, "If anyone's the worst coach in America, it's me! You wish you could have invented using the Fun N' Gun against the best defenses in the NFL! How dare you infringe on my territory of coaching crappiness!"

Zorn was able to avoid being hit by any of the shoes. Asked about the incident, Zorn said, "All I can say is that Steve's shoes are very, very, very small. We were able to trace them back to a local Stride Rite for Kids. He must have an incredibly tiny penis."

From his position alongside Zorn, Vinny Cerrato was able to provide this insight, "From where I stood it looked like what Spurrier was trying to do was to try and, you know, project...kind of toss, if you will, the shoes in Jim's direction. In that situation what you want to do is try and move your body...try and you know, kind of twist yourelf in such a way as the shoe kind of, you know, kind of fails to make contact with the body."

Snyder, as always, had no comment.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Media Day: Zorn Addresses Portis' Comments



Washington Redskins, Coach, Jim Zorn addressed the media on Wednesday in a rebuttal against Clinton Portis' belittling comments. Zorn appeared in a pink, "Princess in Training" fairy hat, pink wand, and a heart-shaped sunglasses. He introduced himself:

(in girly voice) - "Hi. My name is 'Practicing Princess'. And I go to practice everyday to be the best Princess EVER! I never miss a day of my practice and because of that, I am going to be the best and brightest princess in the land."

Dan Steinberg: "Coach..."
Practicing Princess: "It's 'Practicing Princess'!!!"
Dan Steinberg: "Right...um. What happens when you have an injury where you are unable to participate in practice?"
Practicing Princess: "NEVER!!! I always practice because that is what good princesses do!!!"

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Jason La Canfora: "What if the Head Prince tells you that are you are not good enough because you’re practicing is not adequate?"
Practicing Princess: "Than I must listen! The Prince knows everything and I am just a servant who practices his will, and if anything goes wrong, then I know it's my fault and never the Prince's!"

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When we touched base with Portis about Zorn mocking his costumes and practice habits, CP replied "Tell Coach I'll be practicing with 6 ladies tonight."

Jim Zorn's Media day hat