Ahern Inquirer

T-Shirt: Kerrigan + Orakpo = KERRAKPO!

2011-09-28T06:45:00.000-07:00

Orakpo and Kerrigan are already proving to be one of the best tandem rushing duos in the NFL. They deserve a t-shirt and we decided to change up the model from our previous one.

Redskins McNabb Shirt - The Legend of Don Burgundy

2010-04-14T06:42:00.001-07:00

Shirts will be ready for shipping April 20th and are only $15 including shipping. Can't beat that. We only printed a limited order of 60 so get em while you can...

4 Steps How to Fix Washington DC's Metro Problems

2010-02-02T11:10:00.000-08:00

I have been riding the Metro since I have basically learned to walk. Although that may not qualify me to be the DC Metro Chief, it does grant me the right to publicly state obvious flaws. Among all the financial and security inefficiencies, Metro continues to struggle. It baffles me how a business like Metro is not only unprofitable, it requires federal subsidies to stay afloat. Let's start with the worst:

1.) Gallery Place/Chinatown stop: Rush hour - I live at this stop, so I have to deal with the pains of it daily. If you're one that has to take the red line North, you've no doubt endured this.

For some reason, Metro decided to only roll 6 cars during rush hour instead of the maximum 8 (which it used to do). Here lies the problem, the transfer area is at the back of the stop, so when each 6-car train pulls all the way up, it leaves a HUGE bottle neck of people that can't deboard or get to the cars. See picture from today:

This is a SERIOUS problem because people who are running late, myself included walk along the edge. It's the most FUBAR operation I've ever see. This line actually snakes around to the escalators going down to the yellow/green line.

Fix: Either use 8-cars during rush hour or have the train stop short so the train cars line up with the transfer area.

2.) Escalators - Why are all escalators running at all times? This is an utter waste of electricity.

Example: My friend lives at the Navy Yard metro, which you are familiar with if you've been to Nats Park. Obviously, baseball season is over. I am often coming and going from that Metro stop at midnight on week days. No one anywhere in site. Why are all 3 of those long escalators running? This goes for all the fringe stops.

Fix: Leave them all on for rush hour but turn off the middle one on weekends and night times (unless there is an event or it is a transfer/tourist stop). That's a lot of electricity savings right there when you add up all the Metro stops outside the transfer areas.

3.) Advertising - Who is in control of advertising for Metro? It is god awful. They've relied on the same platform and train wall spots over the last 20 years. Get creative. Make the SmartTrip and fare cards advertisable. There's also those illegible tunnel video ads. Scrap those. A couple of banner ads have popped up in stations, but they're used sparingly. There's a teet for revenue streaming available there and Metro is not milking it.

Fix: Brainstorm for new ad spots. Banners from the ceiling, tint the car windows and advertise the outside, fare cards, allow marketers to setup booths in some terminals out of the way, anything.

4.) High Volume boarding helpers: Other countries do it and Metro should too for the high volume boarding stops. Have a Metro worker available on the platform that assists in spreading the people out on the platform and getting people in the trains to move to the middle of the car. If you've ever been on the Metro Center or Gallery Place red line stops, people don't spread out. Having someone there to direct people would help immensely in riders' frsutrations. He/She would also have a sign to hold up to signify to the train operator it is clear to close the doors. There are countless times the doors have closed while people are still trying to deboard. In addition to missing their stop, all the people trying to board now have to wait for the next train further increasing the platform volume.

5.) Random - Is it just me or at least once a week do you see someone on the Metro that is bleeding in one capacity or another?

All Phelps...All the Time

2009-02-09T12:44:00.000-08:00

This one gets immediately filed in the AWESOME category.

Check out this story on the party that Phelps not only attended but was the main attraction.

He bet TWO GRAND on a Beirut game (or Beer Pong depending on where you are from)! They were passing around drugs and drug paraphernalia like gift baskets at church! And he laid down a wad of bills on a Beirut game and paid up when he lost. That is amazing. I love how he had bodyguards watching the door and kindly asking people to not take pictures. The second they saw a flash or a cameraphone pop up they should have gone Chris Martin on that ass (from Coldplay...he of the paparazzi-beating mindset).

I am personlaly appalled that a picture from that party made it to the tabloids. I hope for the sake of whomever snapped and sold that picture, they remain anonymous. Because I am betting the payday from the picture isn't worth the beatdown coming their way if they are found out. TREASON!

Phelps was huge when he just had a bazillion gold medals. I wager that he has gained more fans in the average, everyday American demograph than he ever did by swimming the length of the pool. Maybe I'm wrong. But I doubt it on this one.

Phelps' Sponsors Adjust Their Slogans

2009-02-06T08:07:00.000-08:00

(pictures courtesy of the Conan O'Brien Show)

Update: Kellogs dropped Phelps as their spokesman.

Phelps to face Johnny Law in S.C.

2009-02-03T11:42:00.000-08:00

File this under "Are you F'n kidding me?" According to the NY Post, South Carolina plans to press charges against Phelps for his little puff-puff. This is as lame as it gets. If anyone should be getting in trouble, it's the person who supplied the weed or who owns the bong. It must be a REALLY slow day in S.C., or they just want the press.

Wiz/Grizzlies

2009-02-03T10:23:00.000-08:00

It was the worst game I've ever seen the Wiz play, EVER. The lack of hustle/effort was mind-boggling. I guess it makes sense since the Wiz have more important things to do, like go clubbing.

http://dcfab.thefabempire.com/2009/02/03/spotted-washington-wizards-at-fly-lounge/

V Is Coming Back!

2009-01-27T08:58:00.000-08:00

Ohboyohboyohboy...

Sure I was 7 when it first came out. Sure the lasers that were shot from their guns they used in that show looked like low-budget taser-type effects. But V was awesome. It was perfect. It started with a gigantic opening mini-series that saw some 40 million viewers tune in to watch. It turned into a short-lived TV series that you fought your parents to stay up to see, and it had Donovan, a true original badass.

It is currently being reimagined on ABC, with a pilot ordered up revolving around a a Homeland Security agent (gonna be a female character according to EW...hmmmmmmmm, I wonder if she will be hot).

For all you fans out there who stayed up late to see Donovan and Ham and Julie do battle with Diana and the Visitors, the long wait to see this story back on TV is over.

This better not be a joke.

Outdated Ovie Montage Reel

2009-01-23T09:08:00.000-08:00

So here's an incredible collection of Ovie's best hits and goals, and this collection only covers Ovechkin BEFORE we switched to the new red Unis.

Highlights:
- Goal at :40
- Hit at 1:18
- Goal at 1:41 (from knees)
- Goal at 2:38 (deek and shoots from back)

We've Moved...(sort of)

2009-01-13T15:17:00.000-08:00

The writers of Ahern have accepted an offer to do the posts for HogsHaven.com. You can find everything Skins related there.

Daniel Snyder has to love this stat...

2009-01-12T08:18:00.000-08:00

The 2 teams in the NFC championship game are 0-3 against the Redskins this year.

Boldly Hoping Where No Hope Has Helped Before, Vol 1

2009-01-12T07:08:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the first installment of what should be a highly speculative, pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey style of Redskins' offseason coverage. In this edition of Boldly Hoping, let's line up a dream scenario for the draft.

Forget for a moment that Vinny thinks teams should not draft for need. Forget for a moment that Vinny thinks drafting defensive linemen is dumb. Damnit...forget for a moment Vinny is our default-GM. Ahhhhhhhhhhh...

What if we were to attack an area in the same manner as we did with receiver in last year's draft? In this case, the line of scrimmage. In our fantasy scenario, we propose a few trades to better our draft position. I would like to see Carlos Rogers come back. I really would. But the rumblings are that he is unhappy with his spot on the defense (presumably behind DeAngelo Hall), and it looks like the money he thinks he should get is about to go to Hall. If the CBA situation comes to a head next year, he loses his unrestricted free agency. This offseason would be a good time for the Skins to get a pretty decent draft pick for him, and the team trading for Rogers could turn that frown upside down with a new long-term contract. Everyone wins.

And what about Randle-El? What would his trade value be? Surely it does not reside in his return abilities. But he is a decent receiver. On a team with a pass-happy offense, he could fill the Wes Welker-type role (albeit as a 3rd receiver). Small, fast, smart, hard to keep up with underneath. It's not that we can't use Randle-El, it is simply there is a MAJOR problem at Redskins Park that needs to be handled during THIS offseason. The team simply feels compelled to start older veterans that are healthy and getting paid. This past season, you wouldn't hear me argue that Devin Thomas was ready to supplant Randle-El in the lineup. But next year, he simply must be given those reps. You can't convince me that Chad Rhinehart couldn't have done the job Pete Kendall did for us on the line. You can't convince me that Stephon Heyer is/was not at least as craptacular as Jansen was all season (when healthy). A youth movement means going with younger guys. Bugel is notorious for his loyalty to the older guys. Now it looks like Kendall could be gone, and what do we really know about Rhinehart?

Rogers will get us our 2nd rounder back I would bet. Randle-El could get us a 4th or 5th rounder I hope. If we traded future picks this offseason, I would like to see them traded to acquire picks in this year's draft (as opposed to veteran players). Assuming we could net a 2nd rounder in this fashion, let's imagine a 1st day with one 1st rounder, two 2nd round picks, and one 3rd round selection. With those picks, here is what i want to see: 1 OT, 2 DE/OLB, 1 OG/C.

From what I am reading, it appears that there will be some pretty decent offensive line depth in the upcoming draft. If that ends up being the case, let's take the best DE/OLB prospect available at #13 overall. A Brian Cushing from USC or Aaron Curry from Wake Forest would be huge for us, since Marcus Washington seems to be on his way out the door. We missed the boat on Shawne Merriman and DeMarcus Ware...who knows if these guys can fill that mold, but I think that should be our goal.

In the 2nd round, we go for the best OL (preferrably Tackle) available. Given the rush of skill players into the draft this year (underclassmen QB, RB, and WR), a decent crop of otherwise first-round worthy offensive linemen are getting pushed into the 2nd round. If we can get someone to start opposite Samuels on Day One, we win.

With our remaining pick(s) in the top 3 rounds, I would love to see us go after a Center and another DE/OLB.

Let's face it, they are going to let Samuels and Fletcher play until their wheels fall off--and probably rightfully so. Jason Taylor has 1 more year with us, perhaps. We need some talent to be able to come in next year and solidify the right side of the offensive line and bolster a linebacking corps that will be heavily relied upon in the pass rush, both from the end (with their hands on the ground), as well from the LB spots.

FOUR impact players on the first day of the draft--at the area where we need it most in 2009? That is Bold Hoping indeed.

We will certainly refine the segment and focus harder on actual events and stategies either employed by the Redskins or woefully neglected by them. Please feel free to add your own thoughts as we have all come to realize, if Vinny can do it, it just can't be that hard.

Devin Thomas: Who to believe?

2009-01-12T05:58:00.000-08:00

Jason La Canfora, an "insider" beat writer for the Washington Post had some strong words in his season review of Devin Thomas:

"..he did not do enough to get himself physically and mentally ready to play, and many in the organization wonder if he ever will..."

"Thomas has already talked about the need to get away from football for a while, which, for as little as he played, is alarming."

"If the Redskins had taken Eddie Royal, who fit the mold of the big, target receiver they were seeking..."

"Moss is no longer one of the elite receivers in the game. His size is a detriment and unlike, say Carolina's Steve Smith, he isn't going to beat Cover-2 for deep plays with any sort of regularity"

A few things here. For starts, Eddie Royal is 5'10 and 182 pounds. He is exactly who we do not need. Secondly, Moss is definitely still one of the elite players in the league. When the QB has no time to let a play open up and defending teams only have to worry about stuffing the run and getting to the QB, that greatly reduces Moss's abilities to get down field.

All that aside, redskins.com just released their own article on Devin Thomas, with quotes from Devin and Coach Zorn which are flat-out opposites to what Jason is reporting:

"I have the offseason to get things right and get ready for next year."

"Devin has been playing faster," Zorn said. "[I’m] feeling good about where he is going and the speed that he is playing with. He’s more confident."

A lot of people, La Canfora included, like to point how later draft picks Eddie Royal and DeShaun Jackson were able to make huge contributions their rookie years. True, but that does mean not Devin Thomas is a bust. He missed most of pre-season with a hamstring injury, which is exactly where the rookies have their time to learn the system, the speed of the NFL, and iron out mistakes. No matter what anyone says, everyone had Devin Thomas as the top WR on their draft board at our pick.

So who do you believe, redskins.com or Jason LaCanfora?

Early Predictions for Championship Weekend

2009-01-11T18:13:00.001-08:00

What else could you ask for? Even if you absolutely hated one or more of the teams playing this weekend, you still had to watch. You had underdogs showing up on the road. You had league-leading defenses lead the way, and league-leading passing offenses show up in bad weather. You had a snowstorm in Pittsburgh, and you had the defending Super Bowl champs on the ropes. Eli Manning, who pushed Kurt Warner out of New York a few years ago (and also won a ring with the Giants), played simply terrible, in part due to the gritty defense of the Eagles. And Kurt Warner, who has been begging and pleading with coaches and general managers for the last 5 years to give him the chance to lead a team to the playoffs is hosting the NFC Championship. Wow.

I watched the whole Titans-Ravens affair. The Titans lost that game. The Ravens defense did their job, and Joe Flacco got just enough first downs to avoid the self-destruction that occurred on the Titan's offensive side of the ball...but the Titans blew it.

As for the game in the snow at Pittsburgh, that punt return by Santonio Holmes restored a belief in the stands that they could win. The early touchdown by Philip Rivers and Vincent Jackson was, to me, as shocking as it was masterfully executed. You are not supposed to be able to do that against Pittsburgh's defense...in the snow...right off the bat. The reason they won though was their commitment to the run. Feeding Willie Parker to the tune of around 150 yards is exactly the reason why:

I'm picking Pittsburgh over Baltimore in next week's AFC Championship. It is hard to beat a team three times in a single season. It is hard to beat a defense like Baltimore's coming off a crazy controversial call like the one in the last meeting between the two. But at home, under Mike Tomlin, and behind that defense, the Steelers will get back to the big dance. No real need to mention Big Ben--he'll minimize the big mistakes. Look for Flacco to make his first game-deciding miscue of the post-season.

Arizona will be hosting the team that I believe is playing the best ball of all the remaining teams. Sure, they tied the Bengals. Sure, they lost a game to the Skins they really had to have. But Philadelphia has Donovan McNabb, Brian Westbrook, and Andy Reid leading an offense that, when clicking, is as dangerous as any. They have what at the start of the playoffs was the league's 3rd ranked defense. With all due respect to the Cardinals and Kurt Warner, the Eagles will roll to the Super Bowl.

An all-Pennsylvania Super Bowl...the best and worst of what PA has to offer. Let the evacuation of Tampa bay begin.

Portis Hosting Inauguration Ball

2009-01-11T08:26:00.000-08:00

For those brave souls staying in town for the Inauguration, CP and Antawn Jamison are hosting an Inauguration party at Union Station. Tickets are still available.

Saturday, January 17th, 2009

NFL's Clinton PORTIS & NBA's Antawn JAMISON Co-Chair The "ALL PRO & ALL STARS" Inaugural Celebration - "The HOPE Meets PROSPERITY Gala"

I Would Like to Thank Jesus on Behalf of the Following Award Winners

2009-01-09T21:33:00.000-08:00

You asked for it (well, that one guy did)...the Second Annual All-Ahern Team Awards. Let's get on to handing out the hardware, shall we?

"We're Going Streaking!" Award: Chris Cooley. "Accidentally" posting a picture of yourself naked on your own website is, well, weird. I needn't remind you that this guy is married to a ridiculous hottie, and minus the career-high fumbles had a fairly decent season. But still...Captain Chaos posting a picture of the Sergeant...then again, his wife is reeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaallllly hot.

Lumberg Award: Fred Davis. Yeeeaaaaaaahhhh, just wondering where you are. You know today is not a half day. We started at the regular time. He seems to have redeemed himself to at least some of the coaches as well as some of the defensive players he goes up against in practice. But come on man...all that money and talent and you oversleep on Day 1?

"I Fell Off The Jetway Again Award": Vinny Cerrato. THREE receivers with our first three picks? A punter? This guy not only has naked pictures of Dan Snyder, he must have caught him putting his pee-pee in a very, very bad place. There is simply no explanation for how he has held onto his position this long.

"The Price is Wrong, Bitch Award": Gilbert Arenas. Seriously? ANOTHER surgery? That you KNEW you needed? And waited to get until the beginning of the season? After you signed a pretty-freaking-close-to-max deal? I am in the tank for my man Gil, but this one even had me speechless. I've taken dumps that made a bigger splash than his presence this season.

Mystery Crumbs in the Peanut Butter Award: Pacman Jones. You know when someone doesn't clean off the knife before going into or back into the peanut butter jar, and leaves those little mystery crunchies in there, and then when you make a sandwich expecting creamy PB&J, you bite into it and SURPRISE! Well, the Cowgirls keep finding those crumbs with every bite. This guy is amazing. I bet there is a standing rule now in Dallas police departments (or whatever city he is in): If someone gets shot in a nightclub, question Pacman. There is a legit chance he was somehow involved.

"Are You Feeling Stupid Honey? I Know I Am" Award: Pete Kendall. Where and when, in the many years of training and preparation that most certainly goes into being a professional lineman, do they instill in you the automatic reflex to catch a ball and try and run with it? I know for a fact he still beats himself up about that play, and it sucks, but come on...you're big and fat and there is a reason why you are an INELIGIBLE receiver. Of any play all season, that one was truly what we at the Inquirer call a "Gay Training" moment. The penetration factor was off the charts.

Dan Snyder Award: Jerry Jones. And the master becomes the pupil. He bid against himself to go and get a receiver (Roy Williams) they didn't need or use for the stretch run, gave away crazy high draft picks and stroked the kind of check that forces you to play him regardless of performance or attitude. Awesome. In three of the games Roy played in after he came to Dallas, he caught either zero or one pass. I only bring this up because they could have gotten Pete Kendall cheaper for that kind of production.

"My Other Penis Is a Vagina" Award: Dan Snyder. He makes more money than almost anyone else in the league. He sticks it to ticketholders in more ways than you can find in a low-budget, no holds barred, pornographic epic saga starring Asian granny amputees and every breed of ferret imaginable. And yet he still figures out a way to lay off 20-30 people. They were already short-handed. Well, this story has a happy ending--the guy whose job it is to raise the price of beer by $2.50 every year got a promotion.

"Was It Over When the Germans Bombed Pearl Harbor" Award: Donovan McNabb. Regular season NFL games can end in a tie dummy. How do you not know that? He's like the guy in your office who still has no idea that "Reply to All" means when he responds to your meeting request with a ranking of best boobs in the company, EVERYONE sees it.

Russ Grimm has Bad Luck

2009-01-09T16:11:00.000-08:00

All-pro Russ Grimm has made the cut to 15 for this year's Hall of Fame class. The 4-7 inductees will be announced on January 31st. Russ was one of the anchors for the "Hogs," and has gained some league-wide notoriety lately with his outstanding coaching in Pittsburgh, and now Arizona where he is the assistant coach and offensive line coach. His name is always in consideration for head coaching jobs, and within the next 3 years I think he'll get it.

All that aside, ask anyone in Skins nation and he is a shoe-in for the Hall. However, given how long it took Art Monk and Darrell Green to get in, I do not like Russ's chances at all, especially when looking at his competition this year. Damn Russ! You should of sat this year out! This year's final 15 are:

- Cris Carter
- Shannon Sharpe
- Bruce Smith
- Derrick Thomas
- Paul Tagliabue
- John Randle
----------------------
- Richard Dent
- Bob Kuechenberg
- Andre Reed
- Russ Grimm
- Rod Woodson
- Randall McDaniel
- Ralph Wilson (Buffalo Bills owner)
- Dermontti Dawson
- Cortez Kennedy

The line is my guesstimate of who will make it and who will not. Hopefully the folks in Canton, OH will remember how much revenue Skins' fans gave them last year and decide to let Russ in. I'll definitely travel back to Canton for another weekend of shenanigans.

Redskins Draft Time

2009-01-09T12:44:00.000-08:00

I personally do not enjoy talking about draft possibilities unless the team in discussion has a top 10 pick or multiple first/second round picks. Too much happens with trading, and the flashy well-known players are gone after the first round. Having said that, I ESPECIALLY am not in the mood to talk about the Skins draft picks since we only have 4 of them: 1st, 3rd, 5th and 6th. Vinny sold the Skins' 3 other regular picks: 2nd round (trade for Jason Taylor), 4th round (trade for Pete Kendall), and 7th round (trade for Erasmus James). In addition, the Skins 6th rounder in 2010 is gone because of the #55 trade.

A lot of the big mock draft sites have the Skins selecting Jason Smith, the OT from Baylor, with the 1st pick. Since we don't have a #2 pick, it is GUARANTEED we will be trading this pick down for hopefully a late #1 and a #2 if not two 2nd round picks. If mock drafts had black X's over our 1st round pick, then I would be more inclined to read on. Otherwise, we might as well be talking about fantasy LPGA. Selecting a single lineman and nothing else in the first 2 and 1/2 rounds leaves the Skins with the same woeful offensive and defensive lines as last year.

Lastly, I am very thankful the NFL playoffs have started, thus ending fantasy football's season. I personally love fantasy football. I just detest how people I don't know feel it's imperative to tell me all about their team. There's always that one guy at every Christmas party I get stuck in conversations with, "If I had started McFadden over Jamal Lewis in week 6 then I would have made the playoffs! And I originally offered a trade week 4 to my friend, Brian, for Cutler, but..." (gun to my head gesture)

Redskins Get Crushed 61-33

2009-01-09T10:02:00.000-08:00

Since we are dedicated in providing ALL Redskins news, this just in: The Lady Fliers handle Redskins easily. Starting the game on 25-0 run will do that.

So where do the (Port Clinton) Redskins reside? I had no idea either. I found out they are located in Ohio, near Sandusky (yes, that one that makes car parts more reliable than Ray Zalinski).

So that got me thinking, how many Redskins teams are out there? Quite a few.

Gustine Redskins - (High school 50 miles east of San Jose)
St. John's Redskins - (HS between Phoenix and Albuquerque - seriously, people live there?)
Tulare Union - The school homepage isn't offensive at all. Ha.
Morris - They blatantly stole DC's logo.

Enough of the high schools though, there are tons of them. Can you name an NCAA team with the Redskins mascot?

Neither can I. Unfortunately I could not find one.

Snyder Being Snyder

2009-01-09T06:07:00.000-08:00

So now that my 401K is about 50% of what it was 6 months ago, I have remained optimistic that things are not that bad. Well, that all changed just now. According to the Washington Post, the Redskins have laid off 20+ staff positions, including cheerleading positions. "The revenue from tickets and season tickets was not where it needs to be," according to one of the laid off employees. How is that possible with a sold out stadium and waiting list? Several of the users' comments, including ours, say it best:

"Cheerleading?? I mean I can see the other guys, but the Cheerleaders, Dan? C'mon Man..... It's the last damn thing we have...(sigh)"

"No wonder we didn't go after Cowher..... Hell we can't even afford to keep the cheerleading coaches.....SHYTTT!"

"This is typical of this organization, they throw millions out the window on bad talent. But then worry about, who has the key to the coke machine."

"When a recession hits, it gives rich people all the excuses in the world to start claiming it's a recession and payroll needs to be reduced. This is a prime example........"

"How appropriate would it be if Dan Snyder played Hitler in Valkyrie"

"Cuts included at least one team vice president...Oh please, oh please let it be Vinny!"

"Monkey see, monkey do. Too bad they can't apply that to free agents, and the draft."

"They're making salary cap room for Pacman Jones."

"I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired......"

"F The season tickets for '09! Hell I'm cutting back too!"

Washington Wizards: Is it Worth Staying Excited?

2009-01-06T08:10:00.000-08:00

So I gotta say, it was great to see the Wiz beat the Cavs the other night. Is it justice for losing the last 3 years in the playoffs? Hell no. Not even close. That LeTravel move, "crab-dribble," cost us multiple playoff games. It is fantastic that this finally got exposed. I watched the replay of that same move that killed us at the buzzer in the playoffs, and amazingly not ONE of the ESPN announcers noticed the walk...and that one was 4 steps!

As I see it, referee Bill Spooner just saved the NBA. I expect the Cavs to lose more frequently now that LeTravel has to be more conscious anytime he's rolling to his pivot foot in traffic. As for Spooner, I expect David Stern will have the mafia magically make him disappear. It is very suspicious that the NBA is ignoring the call amongst all this controversy. I mean, whatever anyone wants to say, he took 3 steps. Even my friends in Cleveland admitted it, though for the playoff games they called me a "baby whiner" when I bitched about those walks.

Having said that, let's address the title of this article. Are the Wiz legit enough to watch? The game against the Magic tonight will tell me everything. Even if we lose (which I expect), let's please not get blown out by 25. Dwight Howard is the best, and we have no one to contain him. However, with some good coaching, we can get him in foul trouble early and be creative on the offensive side. This means not dribbling down, passing the ball once, and hucking a long shot from 3 inches inside the 3-point line. And for God's sake, follow your shots! Nick Young is the worst with this...fading and running away after an open shot. We lose multiple rebounds a game.

Sights and Sounds: Skins vs Niners

2008-12-28T20:50:00.000-08:00

When I booked my flight to San Fran for the holidays two months ago, never in my wildest dreams did I think this game would end up being meaningless. So it goes and the Skins lost. However, as it is with any road game, I met some amazing people and uncovered some great stories. My sister and I arrived at Candlestick Park at 10:30AM. Scalping is always my preference for games, and I expected this game to be an absolute cake walk. I arrogantly took out only $140 from the ATM to get 2 lowers, expecting to pay approximately $40 per ticket. Turns our there were NO tickets anywhere. I ran into 1 scalper who had 2 50-yard lines for $130 per...and that was after I hammered him to death. There were signs EVERYWHERE people looking for tickets. "Oh shit."

We had friends meeting us at the tailgate and as I waited to waive them in I started chatting with some Skins fans. Turns out one of them, Tony, is Portis's best friend from Mississipi. He told me he had 2 extra tix at Will-call, which he was on route to pick up, and I could have them. Talk about a jack-pot! We walk to will-call, and they only had 2 tix for him, not 3. Damn. So he gave me the 1 extra, and I scalped a nose-bleed for my sis for $40. Walking back from will-call Tony got a call from CP's Mom, and after talking to her, he told me that he most likely wouldn't be using the seat next to mine. Jackpot. Two 40-yard line tix 10 rows up. We never had a problem the whole game. Candlestick was sold out and packed. Lots of Skins fans as well.

So that's how I got in. We all know Candlestick is old, but on a scale of 1-10 of being a dump, it's an 11. I have never seen a stadium before where when you walk in, you have to take an escalator UP to get to the LOWER level. Bizzare.

Sitting next to my friend and I was Manny (far left), Andre Carter's agent. I tried to get anything I could out of Vinny and Snyder's negotiating tactics, but it came out dry. In fact, Manny said he never even negotiated with Vinny, it was all done with his assistant, which I found very odd given the high amount of cash for this contract.

Post game I walked around my tailgate and found some great stories. The majority of the Skins fans I met were local Californians that became Skins fans basically because they liked the colors and logo, and now they are die-hard fans.

Roger has been a Skins fans since 1968 and has the Skins forearm tattoo to prove it. Roger and Esta have 6 kids and 19 grand kids ... yet somehow only 1 grandkid is a Skins fan. Roger told me he wasn't one to impose team loyalty as is seen with his wife, a die-hard Niners fan.

Ed (in poncho) and Chris (helmet) who hail from San Jose fell in love with the Skins from the play of Chris Hamburger, who they clearly remembered being a hard-working player and missing his front teeth. Oddly, Ed's father was a Steelers fan and as a kid, Ed saw the Skins colors and logo and said "I like this" and from that point forward has been a Skins fan. His Dad never blinked a second. When I asked what if his son wanted to be a Cowboys fan...Ed replied, "Hell no!!! Wont happen." Cheers to that. Amazing tacos at this tailgate.

The names past me, but he was originally a Fairfax native and moved to Cali 10 years ago. His girlfriend was never a football fan before, but here they are waiting for the players to exit post-game.

And lastly, my favorite story. Meet Mike and Mikey from Bakersfield, CA. Every year, every game they go to the same pizza place to watch the Skins each week. Mikey's birthday was December 21st, and as a present Mike gave him a box of pinto beans. When Mikey unwrapped his 14th birthday gift, he was confused. His dad told him to dig deeper, and buried below were 2 lower-level tickets for the Skins-Niners game on the 40-yard line. Mikey began crying as he now realized he would be going to see his first Skins game. With all the emotion his Dad began crying. They already have plans to travel down to the Skins/Chargers game next year.

Too bad the Skins Offense laid another egg....but as I told all the taunting Niners fans on the way out, 'It just means we have a better draft pick." And of course, "Congratulations on what, you're 3rd win of the year? Hopefully you can draft another Alex Smith."

All in all the Niners fans were awesome. I had at least 8 people come up to me and give "props" for my Sean Taylor jersey. It's amazing to see how much respect Sean continues to get, even from West Coast teams that never had to play against him often.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year (Suck it Philly!)

2008-12-23T11:00:00.000-08:00

If last August, you told me that in the last few weeks of the season, the playoff hopes for the Redskins would essentially hinge on two attempts by Mike Sellers from about the 1 yd line, I would have probably cried out of pure joy. To think we would A) have a chance at the playoffs at all, and B) have a chance to put it on Big Mike's back...well, it would seem to be all you could ask for given the relative youth of our team/coach, as well as the toughness of our division.

Sure, losing to the Rams and the Bengals stings. A lot. Those were games we were capable of winning. Beating the Cowboys and Eagles on the road in back to back weeks earlier this season still feels good. Those were games we were more than capable of losing. Sweeping the dirty, no-good, low-down, scummy, grubby, feculent Eagles is even more satisfying than I dreamed it could be. Without the added intensity of a playoff chase, or the additional joy of already making the postseason, I am left with nothing to obscure the feeling of euphoria that I now know can only be the result of sticking it to Philly.

We know now that Zorn will be back, and we know that the front office intends to again try and grow our overall number of draft picks. It is conceivable that after next year's haul, as much as 40% of our roster will be comprised of 1st, 2nd, and 3rd year players. All of this points to at least the illusion of purpose and strategy. Getting younger, growing with a coach, and developing players at the skill positions is what good teams do. We will know soon enough if we are allowed to consider our team in that category. I believe chief among the metrics we will use to evaluate our direction is if Cerrato wakes up and gets a couple linemen to help us on both sides of the ball. Preferrably in the draft, (I think I saw them loading a Fedex truck full of money to get a headstart on the Albert Haynesworth negotiations.)

It sure would be great to win in San Fran this week and get to 9 wins, even it moves our draft pick down a bit in that first round. Nothing is meaningless. Every snap JC is able to take in the regular season gets him one snap closer to figuring it out. And hopefully next year, with the help of a younger offensive line, perhaps he might even have enough time to consider the deeper routes that Devin Thomas and Santana Moss will be running. But we get ahead of ourselves. There is game yet to be played. Three hours of immortality in the San Francisco sun. The Ahern Inquirer will be there, and ebagg will give us a full account of the proceedings.

Merry Christmas to all the faithful Ahern readers:

To our Ravens fans, you got the best team in MD this year. Congrats, and hell of a job against the Cowgirls.

To our Redskins fans, enjoy the prospect of being on the ground floor of something that could be great.

To the New York, Dallas, and Philly folks who find their way here, you will Kneel Before Zorn. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but don't be throwing away those knee pads.

Urlacher Coin Toss

2008-12-23T05:27:00.000-08:00

Did anyone catch the overtime coin toss of last night's MNF game? Let's just say the Packers should have called "heads". I really wish one of the Packers' players had done a George Costanza "That's interference!!! It can't hit the table!!"

Mike Gartner's Jersey Getting Retired

2008-12-23T05:16:00.001-08:00

So as you can tell due to the holidays we're a little slow on the posting. We'll get to our review of the Skins later today, but we wanted to briefly mention Mike Gartner is getting his number retired in the rafters this Sunday (the 28th) in the game against the Leafs.

Trivia, can you name all 5 NHL teams that Gartner played for? I am guessing not! I was going to post the answers here but that's too easy...you can just google it your damn self. It's not Christmas yet.

Now Look Here...There's Only One Ball Coach

2008-12-18T06:54:00.001-08:00

At Coach Zorn's press conference to explain why he called himself the "Worst Coach In America", shoes started flying. With Vinny on one side and Snyder on the other (you can't see him over the podium), the pool of reporters started stirring and out emerged the Ole' Ball Coach himself, Steve Spurrier.

As Spurrier hurled the first of two shoes at Zorn's head, he screamed, "If anyone's the worst coach in America, it's me! You wish you could have invented using the Fun N' Gun against the best defenses in the NFL! How dare you infringe on my territory of coaching crappiness!"

Zorn was able to avoid being hit by any of the shoes. Asked about the incident, Zorn said, "All I can say is that Steve's shoes are very, very, very small. We were able to trace them back to a local Stride Rite for Kids. He must have an incredibly tiny penis."

From his position alongside Zorn, Vinny Cerrato was able to provide this insight, "From where I stood it looked like what Spurrier was trying to do was to try and, you know, project...kind of toss, if you will, the shoes in Jim's direction. In that situation what you want to do is try and move your body...try and you know, kind of twist yourelf in such a way as the shoe kind of, you know, kind of fails to make contact with the body."

Snyder, as always, had no comment.

Scouting Punters for the 2009 Draft

2008-12-16T06:02:00.000-08:00

Now that the Redskins are looking forward to the 2009 draft, Ahern thought it would be beneficial to help out Vinny in scouting this year's punters. Since punters qualify for 6th round picks, it only makes sense we do our homework. Here is this year's top class ranked in order:

#1: T.J. Conley - Senior (Idaho Vandals):
2008 ALL-WAC FIRST TEAM. Excellent distance and hang-time.

YEAR	PUNTS	AVG	LNG	YDS	NET
2005	28	40.0	65	1121	40.0
2006	67	39.4	66	2640	39.4
2007	68	40.3	67	2741	40.3
2008	58	47.4	74	2751	47.7

#2: Ross Thevenot - Junior (Tulane)

YEAR	PUNTS	AVG
2008	45	45.80

Thevenot, a Punter/Kicker from Lake Charles, in one game, averaged 56 yards per punt on three attempts for 168 yards, placing one inside the 20. He also connected on field goals of 32 and 43 yards while converting all four PATs. His 43-yard field goal with 4:01 to play was a season-long and his 71-yard punt was the longest by a Green Wave player since 2003.

#3: Justin Brantly - Senior (Texas A&M)

YEAR	PUNTS	AVG	LNG	YDS	NET
2005	46	43.2	80	1989	43.2
2006	50	44.3	62	2215	44.3
2007	56	44.2	67	2475	44.2
2008	51	45.7	63	2331	45.7

Learning from the Past (in all seriousness):
There is an amazing truth I discovered about last year's draft, which is rather sickening and I feel Vinny needs to explain. Like the Redskins, the Broncos had their eye pre-draft on landing a solid Punter.

There were 4 punters that finished with a higher average than Durant Brooks (45.06 avg on 65 punts) last year...the winner being Kevin Huber of CIN (46.88 on 57). The #2 overall punter of the NCAA last year was Brett Kern of Toledo. One of the reasons the Broncos liked Brett Kern was that he kicked in the MAC, your basic cold-weather conference. He thrived under those circumstances, leading the nation at one-point in average yardage as a senior. Playing patient, the Broncos got their guy. Guess what round the Broncos drafted him? FREE AGENT. They never had to use a pick. He is now ranked #6 this year overall in NFL punting with ZERO blocks or touchbacks. To me, that is as embarrassing as it gets.

Kern's stats for DENVER this year:

YEAR	PUNTS	AVG	LNG	YDS	In20
2008	44	46.9	64	2066	13

Note: Plackemeier is ranked #31 with a 41.5 average, an abysmal 7 touchbacks, and only 9 punts inside the 20. I find this an embarrassingly low number since Plackeybomber is forced to punt 9 times a game it seems.

We Are Who We Thought We Were

2008-12-15T08:39:00.000-08:00

Not gonna make the playoffs...which sucks. Gonna have to swallow the Rams loss, and the Bungles loss...which sucks. And let's not forget that the other team in MD also has a first-year coach, with a rookie QB, and they are still in the thick of the playoff hunt...which sucks, though the Ravens' defense is good enough to carry a team into the postseason. I got carried away with our great start. I allowed my hopes to skyrocket. But...

Since when was this our year to win it all? Starting 6-2 makes missing the playoffs a hell of a kick to the groin, but let's face it--the only difference between the first half of the season and the second half was turnovers, for the most part. I mean, we got worse at run blocking by the minute. But for some miraclulous reason, we didn't turn the ball over during that opening stretch and it was the difference between winning and losing. Did anyone think we would not turn it over all year? Our offense was never explosive, and we never dominated anyone on the scoreboard.

The perfect analogy for our season might very well be any one of a handful of the balls that fell through our defense's hands at various points of the season. From the opener against the G-men, to yesterday's miserable loss, we have had our chances to take control of games with key INT's. I am not blaming the defense for our record--not only have they been a strength for our team, the kinds of misses they had happens to all defenses (except the Ravens, Steelers, etc.) At 6-2, we had a shot. It was in our hands. And we dropped it.

It really bothers me to hear people calling for Zorn's job or to cut ties with JC, or Portis, or all of the above. I just don't get it. Aren't we in Year 1 of the process of putting something together that won't be fleeting? From Steve Young, to Mike Holmgren, to Matt Hasselbeck, to Steve Mariucci, etc, etc...everyone has been saying since we hired Zorn that it would take more than one year to install the new offensive philosophy. Sure we all thought we were coming of age this year. But the reality is we weren't. We have a lot of young players who are in the process of figuring things out. We have holes on the offensive and defensive lines. We have players learning a new offensive philosophy.

Oh, and for anyone out there who thinks Zorn "lost the locker room", I think that is a ridiculous, even asinine notion. Part of becoming a good franchise means that inmates don't run the asylum. Portis, like many elite players is afforded a longer leash than most other players (for better or worse...probably worse.) What I saw yesterday was players get beat by other players. That happens every week. Our veterans need to stand up and recognize they got beat. Our coaches did not block poorly, or drop INT's, or fumble on the goal line. Zorn could give in a little too and be a little more Belichick-esque, but he is doing nothing wrong if he doesn't coddle divas. If we weed out a few malcontents during this rough patch, that goes a long way towards teaching our young players what is and what isn't acceptable.

Given our history of dysfuntion under Snyder, it is easy to see how fans in this town have been conditioned to react harshly and somewhat absurdly to adversity. This organization needs to prove through example that it is ready to show its fans a new way of doing business. That includes sticking to Zorn, Campbell, and unfortunately Cerrato for at least the next season if not two more seasons. The next draft will be a key moment for Cerrato to prove that he is not blind to our woes along the lines of scrimmage (so far, not so good in this department.)

Disgraceful

2008-12-15T05:13:00.000-08:00

I don't even know where to begin with that debacle. I turned on the game at 1pm, and went back to bed at 2pm. There were so many fundamental mistakes it became almost comical.

- Punts. Why do the Skins continually down the ball on punts when it is still rolling? Tryon was the culprit this week and it cost a few yards.

- Defense. Offsides on the defense on a 3rd and 1 hard-count!! How can you not see that count coming? First down Cincinatti.

- Play calling. JC handed the ball off to Portis on 1st down EVERY drive of the 1st 6 drives. I went back to bed after that so not sure how many more continued. The Bungles' game plan was to obviously stop Clinton, so why not make an adjustment? I felt like I was watching high school kids coach this team. As for the 2 hand-offs to Sellers on the goal-line, I don't mind the call so much, but what is Sellers doing extending the ball like that? Fundamentals! Only stretch the ball out when it's 4th and goal or if your last name is Tomlinson.

- Offense. Terrible run blocking. Surprisingly, Jason got great pass protection. Again, he could not find open guys and he continually got chased down by 300 lb lineman when he scrambled. If we can't even put up 200 yards passing on the worst defense in the league, I'm sorry, but Jason is to blame. My friends also pointed out that Jason NEVER works the line. Look at how Favre, Romo, and Brady conduct the team, read the D, and make audibles. Everytime JC approaches the line, he simply snaps it. He never looks left and right, never stands up and points out blitzers. I am now on the team saying he's a BUST. We all want to root for this kid, but it's simply not working.

Coaching. The defense is the only part of our team that can make successful adjustments. Why is this? It's tough to be patient when a team starts 6-2, but we need to be. I'm not ready to pull the plug on Zorn yet, it simply would not be fair since he inherited a team that does not fit his system.

After yesterday it is clear we need to move forward and take an accurate inventory of our roster. Does this means starting Colt Brennan the last 2 games? perhaps. He was a 6th round pick, which is rather high when a team has 2 solid Qbs in place.

The Bungles

2008-12-12T07:09:00.000-08:00

Chris Henry Rap Sheet: If you have a few minutes, reading Chris Henry's rap sheet is quite comical. How this guy is still in the league baffles me.

December 15, 2005: Henry was pulled over in Northern Kentucky for speeding. During a search, marijuana was found in his shoes. He was also driving without a valid driver's license or valid insurance.

January 30, 2006: Henry was arrested in Orlando, Florida for multiple gun charges including concealment and aggravated assault with a firearm.[15] He was reported to have been wearing his #15 Bengals jersey at the time of his arrest. Henry pleaded guilty and avoided jail time in both cases.

May 4, 2006: Cincinnati media reported that Henry was being investigated by Covington, Kentucky police in connection with a sex crime which allegedly occurred in a Covington hotel room in the early morning of April 30, 2006. No charges have yet been filed, and on May 24, 2006, Covington police reported that there is no proof anything happened and that the alleged victim might have concocted the story and may face charges for filing a false police report.

June 3, 2006: Chris Henry was pulled over outside on Interstate 275 at 1:18 a.m by Ohio Highway Patrol trooper Michael Shimko. At 2:06 a.m. Henry voluntarily submitted to a breathalyzer test at Milford Police Department and registered a .092 blood-alcohol level, .012 above the level permitted in the state of Ohio.[16]

September 25, 2006: Bengals linebacker Odell Thurman was pulled over for driving under the influence. The truck Thurman was driving belonged to rookie quarterback/receiver Reggie McNeal. Neither McNeal nor Henry, who were passengers, were charged with any wrongdoing by authorities. However, Bengals head coach Marvin Lewis suspended Henry for the Bengals game against the New England Patriots.

October 6, 2006: Henry was suspended by the NFL for two games for violating the league's personal conduct and substance abuse policies. NFL policies forbid Henry from taking part in practices, however, he was allowed to attend any team meetings. Henry missed the Bengals' October 15, 2006 game at Tampa Bay and their October 22, 2006 home game versus Carolina.[17]

January 25, 2007: Henry plead guilty to charges of providing alcohol to minors, an incident that occurred at a hotel in the spring in 2006. He was sentenced to 90 days in jail, with all but two of those days being suspended.[18]

April 10, 2007: Henry was suspended for the first eight games of the 2007 NFL season for violations of the NFL's personal conduct policy.[10] His suspension comes with a stern warning that future misconduct may result in the end of his career with the NFL. Henry was given permission by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to begin practicing fully.[19] His suspension was lifted and he played in the November 11, 2007 game versus the Baltimore Ravens, amassing 4 catches for 99 yards.

May 18, 2007: It was reported by the Cincinnati Enquirer that Henry allegedly failed a court-mandated drug test. The report showed that he had taken an opiate, but the result was later proven to be false. The failed drug test would have been the third violation of the NFL's substance abuse policy. A third violation, per league rules, results in a one-year suspension. In addition to having his suspension increased to 24 games, he would have had to serve an 88 day jail sentence.[20] As of May 23, 2007, the State of Kentucky has reported that Henry in fact did NOT fail a drug test, and that earlier reports to the contrary are erroneous.

June 12, 2007: Henry allegedly assaulted a 16-year-old boy with teammate Reggie McNeal. The claims were later reported to be unfounded[21] and Henry and McNeal have been exonerated.

November 6, 2007: Henry allegedly assaulted a valet attendant at Newport on the Levee.[22]

December 3, 2007: Henry arrested for the second time in Orlando, Florida for violating his probation he was on from a January 30, 2006 arrest. On February 21, 2008 he was found not guilty. On February 26, 2008, a motion to terminate probation in Orange County, Florida was denied.

March 31, 2008: Henry was alleged to have punched a man named Gregory Meyer, 18, and thrown a beer bottle through the window of his car. Henry claimed it was a case of mistaken identity and also that he thought it was somebody else that owed him money.[23] Henry was waived by the Bengals a day after this arrest and was then forced to serve a house arrest sentence.

Media Day: Zorn Addresses Portis' Comments

2008-12-10T13:03:00.000-08:00

Washington Redskins, Coach, Jim Zorn addressed the media on Wednesday in a rebuttal against Clinton Portis' belittling comments. Zorn appeared in a pink, "Princess in Training" fairy hat, pink wand, and a heart-shaped sunglasses. He introduced himself:

(in girly voice) - "Hi. My name is 'Practicing Princess'. And I go to practice everyday to be the best Princess EVER! I never miss a day of my practice and because of that, I am going to be the best and brightest princess in the land."

Dan Steinberg: "Coach..."
Practicing Princess: "It's 'Practicing Princess'!!!"
Dan Steinberg: "Right...um. What happens when you have an injury where you are unable to participate in practice?"
Practicing Princess: "NEVER!!! I always practice because that is what good princesses do!!!"

----------

Jason La Canfora: "What if the Head Prince tells you that are you are not good enough because you’re practicing is not adequate?"
Practicing Princess: "Than I must listen! The Prince knows everything and I am just a servant who practices his will, and if anything goes wrong, then I know it's my fault and never the Prince's!"

----------

When we touched base with Portis about Zorn mocking his costumes and practice habits, CP replied "Tell Coach I'll be practicing with 6 ladies tonight."

Jim Zorn's Media day hat

Press Release: Redskins Hold Open Tryouts for O-Line

2008-12-10T06:24:00.001-08:00

Redskins Hold Open Tryouts for Offensive Line Positions
12/10/2008 9:24 AM: Press Release - Redskins Park

The Washington Redskins announced this morning that they have opened Redskins Park to anyone who would like to try out for the open Left Tackle and Right Guard positions. We feel we truly have the best fan-base in the NFL and that our loyal fans can step up and help fill these holes. We also believe finding open talent will free up having to waste our 2009 draft picks on such boring and mundane positions, and instead draft the exciting players that help sell jerseys and keep fans distracted from the inner-office problems.

Coach Zorn and staff scouted some local schools yesterday and expect 30-40 local players for tryouts. Included in the tryouts, are:

"The Hoggies" - This Loudoun County grade school offensive line juggernaut has not allowed a sack all year and the team is averaging 17 yards per run (not including the one where the RB ran the wrong direction resulting in a safety).

Tina "Meatloaf" McArbystein - Attracted scouts eyes when she posted a 3.8 on her 40 this month (although that's 3 minutes, 8 seconds). Fred Smoot spoke highly of her skills in Minnesota, though he had no further comments on details of that.

Earth, Wind & Fire - This 3-headed monster broke the Montgomery County record for most yards in a season. Although the Redskins have no need for running backs, they are being allowed to try out since their parents signed a 15-year contract for a club-level suite at Fedex.

Spoiler Alert: Redskins Make the Playoffs

2008-12-09T13:35:00.000-08:00

Sugar: The reality of it is that only one spot is left up for grabs in the NFC. I just don't see either Carolina or Tampa Bay crumbling down the stretch.

We sit 4th in line for the last open playoff spot, behind

1) Dallas 8-5
2) Atlanta 8-5
3) Philly 7-5-1 (thanks Giants)
4) Skins 7-6

Here is the scenario that puts us in:

1) Dallas loses two of their last 3. Opponents are Giants, Baltimore and Philly (Giants this week, thankfully, since they need the win to get home-field). We need the G-men to beat them down and the Ravens to finish the job.
2) Atlanta loses two of their last 3. Opponents are Tampa Bay this week (come on Bucs), Minnesota (in Minnesota) who is fighting for their division, and then the Rams…ouch.
3) Washington wins their last 3 (including Philly which would move us over them).

Let's take it one week at a time. We are not in control of our own destiny, but if we beat Cincy this week, and if the Giants and Tampa take care of their business, we get a huge game against the Eagles in two weeks.

---------------------------------

ebag: OK Sugar, I don't know what makes you think we are going to win the next 3 games. Cincy took both PHI and the NYG to overtime. They have to have extra motivation seeing how much our team is in disarray. They are the 2nd worst team in the league with sacks (13 total), so that should help tip the scales back in our favor a little figuring Chris Samuels and Jon "Mr. Invisible" Jansen are out.

As for the Eagles, this game is as good as a loss. We're too over-matched on the front lines, and for some reason we cannot win big games at home. Westbrook might break the total yards in a game record.

The 49ers game I expect to be like the DET Lions game, a should-have-been blowout that is instead a Skins squeaker (assuming Frank Gore doesn't put up a career day).

Vinny Hiding?

2008-12-09T05:18:00.000-08:00

"Keep quiet and people will think you're a philosopher." - Latin Proverb

The folks over at the City Paper noticed an obvious absentee from Vinny Cerrato's bi-weekly show on WTEM...yea, Vinny Cerrato. He got absolutely crushed by fans last week after the Giants game, so I can't really blame him for hiding from this one. WTEM claims it was a scheduled absence, but if the Skins pull out that win, I'm sure his schedule would have magically been cleared. Just as Bush inexplicably refuses to address the United States during all these economic times, Vinny seems to be following the leader. Anything he publicy says will most certainly get used against him in the blogosphere.

http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/citydesk/2008/12/08/vinny-cerrato-stays-off-the-air/

M&T Stadium. Sights and Sounds

2008-12-08T06:43:00.000-08:00

Yet again our lines failed us. The Skins are not an easy team to root for these days, but it was pretty great seeing all the burgundy and gold in Baltimore last night. I'd say the Skins took over 1/10th of the stadium. It wasn't a Pittsburgh showing, but decent none the less. I expected to get heckled a ton, but it was actually the exact opposite. Ravens fans helping me pick up cash that I dropped, telling me to lower my flask when drinking because security is strict. The one tailgate we passed had a nitrous tank. I of course reciprocated by asking my stocked question: "How many miles per gallon does your house get?" Either way...here are some pics from the night:

We all have our opinions on Dan Snyder but to go as far as having a jersey made says quite a lot.

Lamest intros I've ever seen. No Ray-Ray grand entrance this night...instead, a lack-luster Flacco jog.

Again, I've never understood the face-painting unless you're 6 years old and at your own birthday party. Even then actually I'll still make fun of you.

Father son. I asked him how you let your own son be a fan of the opposing team. He told me he doesn't know why but his son just loves the Redskins. All I know is if my son somehow starts liking the Ravens, a.) he's grounded forever, and b.) I certainly will not be financing to dress him up in Ravens clothes.

Worst sign of the night I saw: "Wacco for Flacco"

WRs Develop Slowly?

2008-12-05T14:02:00.000-08:00

Load of Shit (ebag): Skins nation has been growing quite impatient with the development of Malcolm Kelly and Devin Thomas. Obviously they both look to have AMAZING potential, but showing up to camp completely out of shape tells me everything I need to know. Hard work to get paid, then whatever. A lot of the patient people (the other Ahern Kool-aid writer) agrees with this sentiment:

As Ryan O'Halloran recently noted in the Washington Times, wide receivers develop notoriously slowly in the NFL, and it's hard to argue. Slowly though it may be, Devin Thomas is definitely improving. I asked him after today's practice why that was. "I'm just trying to fly around and do everything fast. I've been reading my books so I know what I'm doing out there, and Jason knows I'll be there when he looks my way. He's starting to see me working and going harder out there, and he's starting to trust that I'm going to be there."

Oh really? Lets take a look at the class of 2008 we COULD have drafted. We selected Devin Thomas BEFORE Eddie Royal...who last I checked is having a GREAT year (5 TD 757 yards). Also available was DeShaun Jackson now blowing it up for the Eagles (775 2 TD). And what about Marques Colston's break out year in 2007? WRs develop slowly is a cop-out. Self-motivated, hard-working atheletes that want to play and learn the NFL speed are the ones that thrive. Their God-given talent was enough to destroy the competition on the college level, but this is the NFL. It's not going to be an easy transition, and I truly feel these kids think because they got drafted this high, they won't have a difficult time adjusting. Based on Devin and Malcolm's training camp, it was clear our scouting once again failed us. We are now left with the hope we can parent them into staying focused and working hard. Awesome! Blatche. Kwame Brown. Ringing bells? That is an exaggeration, but I certainly won't be shocked if a DUI or some bone-headed move gets these guys a run-in with the law.

Voice of Reason (Sugar):Great, you named two receivers this year out of the many drafted who are having decent years. Awesome. Here are a few guys who are third year guys this year that are having pretty decent seasons: Greg Jennings, Brandon Marshall, Santonio Holmes....Lance Moore. Sure Jennings and Marshall were good before this year, but neither became the MAN until this year. And here is a list of guys who "broke out" in their 3rd year, giving the theory a little credence. Steve Smith, Terrell Owens, Chad Johnson, Reggie Wayne, Larry Fitzgerald, Marvin Harrison, Lee Evans, Roy Williams, Anquan Boldin, Javon Walker. Fitzgerald and Harrison were injured in their 3rd year, making them the only ones to post statistical drops in catches and yards from season 2 to season 3 (when healthy, both were on pace for improvements). Evans, Williams, Boldin, and Walker all nearly doubled their receptions and yards from season 2 to season 3. Hey, anyone can cherry-pick stats, but these are some heavy-hitters.

I believe it to be true that wide receivers take 2-3 seasons to develop in the pros. Not only does it take time to get in a rhythm with the QB, but they need to learn the nuances of both their offense as well as those of the various defenses they will face and the corresponding moves they employ to answer. Devin Thomas and Malcolm Kelly can not be judged this year. True, if they were ready to contribute, we would be better. But they're not. However, based on people who know more than us (the players and coaches), these two show they have the ability to make the kinds of contributions that will solidify our wide receiving corps down the road. This was a position that has needed attention in the draft by us for some time. And going into next season they give us the luxury of focusing on the next place where we need to spend as many high round picks as we can gather--offensive and defensive line.

And who is growing impatient with these two guys? The people who were ready to canonize Zorn that only a month later were ready to lynch him? The people who were ready to send Campbell to Canton and are now ready to cut him? Fickle fans aren't true fans. If this team is going make the transition from the short-sightedness that has crippled our player base and mortgaged our future to one that takes the longview on player development and builds through the draft, we all have to be willing to play a little more wait-and-see on our young nucleus.

Suck it Ebag.

Sunday Is JC's Day, Hun

2008-12-05T05:51:00.000-08:00

December 7, 2008...a date which will live in infamy...in the hearts and minds of all Ravens fans that is. Redskins fans are descending upon M&T on Sunday night in what will hopefully be our answer to what happened in FedEx against the Steelers. Let's not spend too much time there, since we are forced to admit that Steelers fans seem to be more plentiful on this planet than water and air, more omnipresent than even that awful "Saved By Zero" commercial for Toyota. Seriously, in this economy, with the current crisis in the automaking industry, and Toyota has the money to play that commercial every 5 minutes?

When the NFL steps up to a longer regular season schedule (and shorter preseason), they simply must allow teams like the Ravens and Redskins to play each other every year. It is unacceptable that we play each other once every four years. Even so, the seeds of a rivalry have been sown. We have heard it is a bit manufactured, but I just don't think it is so. Baltimore fans have a real hatred for Redskins fans. It seems to stem from when they lost their team in 1984. Apparently there was a big push to make Baltimore a Redskins town, and Colts' fans were having NONE of it. It backfired so bad that a resentment was born that has gotten more and more intense as the years have gone by. Having gone to college in Baltimore during the Grey Cup champion Stallions' days, it was crazy that I would regularly have to hear bashing when I sported my Skins jersey on Sundays. I never understood that. And it never left me. I will be at M&T on Sunday. I will be wearing my Skins jersy in Baltimore again, and I expect to hear plenty of bashing.

I hope the rivalry is and will always be cordial, affable, even amiable. No sense being hateful about a football game (don't read last post). But both towns love their teams. Both towns identify with their teams. And let's not gloss over the slightly more blue-collar nature of our kid sister to the north. It will be, and should be, a tough place to walk in as an opposing fan. I expect there to be a lot of tailgates with both teams represented. I expect there to be enough Skins fans to make it loud when the Ravens offense faces 3rd downs. And I expect our offense to come out of their funk against one of the stingiest defenses in the league...in the cold...in the snow.

How We Will Win

The Baltimore offensive line is not much better than ours, if they even are. They have rushed about 100 more times this year than we have, most likely to help their rookie QB stay alive and upright, and are averaging a full yard less per attempt than the Skins. The Redskins give up 90 yds per game on the ground--the Ravens average 145 yds per game on the ground. We hold our side of 100, we win.

The Ravens have FIVE defensive touchdowns this season. Can't allow any of those this week.

The Ravens defense dominates us in turnovers and sacks--shocker. Going into a game like this, you want to say that you don't want ANY turnovers from your offense. But let's face it...the Ravens just seem to get them. Keeping them from being costly and untimely has to be the goal. How about we don't turn it over in the red zone? And we don't fumble while getting sacked? Achievable goals.

Suisham...this game comes down to your foot. If you can make a 46 yarder, ballgame.

Redskins 20
Ravens 18

Ratio of Redskins fans to Ravens fans: 30/70

We're Betting the Lakers Tonight

2008-12-05T05:38:00.001-08:00

So Ahern's undefeated streak of bets (+$500) will be on the line tonight. The Wizards/Lakers line opened -11.5 and already moved to -12. If the line was -10 I would bet the whole kitty, but we're betting $200 tonight. LOCK IT UP. The Wizards against all-star players have never come close to covering (MIA, ORL, HOU). When the Lakers do win tonight, it's not going to be a squeaker. Up 15 seems very logical, especially since the Lakers won in Philly (a much better team) by 12 points...though Elton Brand did get hurt. If I had to pick the final spread, Lakers by 22.

When you look at the Lakers lineup, Kobe, Gasol, Bynum, Odom, Walton...I can't see even a SINGLE matchup the Wiz win. I'd imagine 85% of the Lakers points will be in the paint tonight. Actually, I'm now considering letting it all ride...thoughts? This way I won't have to load up on the Ravens Sunday night. Anyone want to comment HOW the Wiz can possibly cover? Their shooting % in NJ the other night was very impressive, but again, they can't run with the big boys, which means a lot of fouls (Blatche). A recent Lakers loss to Indiana means they are not due for a let-down loss.

Either way, you can party with Kobe and Odom at the after-party at Park tonight.

Update: Ahern has decided to bet the entire house on the Lakers tonight. It's house $ and I plan to cash out and cover all my Xmas gifts with this. In another side note, the Wiz are wearing the Chicago Zephyrs uniforms from 1962/1963 (45th anniversary for the Wiz).

Ravens Fans Suck...Prepare for the Worst

2008-12-04T05:32:00.000-08:00

So Ahern will be headed to M&T Bank Stadium on Sunday for what is sure to be a shit show. We plan on tailgating an estimated 8 and 1/2 hours for this one so surely we will see and hear everything imagineable. I've been to a Ravens game before, and though websites have ranked their fans #1, I can easily agree if you mean #1 Most Pathetic. I plan on capturing as much as I can with my camera, but here is a tidbit of the camo-wearing douches we plan to encounter...and how we plan to heckle back.

Why don't you not buy face paint for a season and fix your damn teeth!!

What's gay about a bunch of grown men dressed in matching purple and makeup?

Seriously, how many times have you met Chris Hansen from Dateline?

You're f'n grown men! Why are you wearing face paint? Is it because you're so ashamed of your team and the fact you live in Dundalk, MD?

It's OK sweetie...at least you have your nice, warm trailer to go back to and a loving husband that beats you.

I don't even need to say anything for this. Disturbing.

How many miles per gallon does your house get?

Nice form jackass. Best. Draft pick. Ever.

6 Ways the Redskins are like an Alcoholic Stepfather

2008-12-02T14:12:00.000-08:00

The Jim Zorn-led Redskins these days remind me of an alcoholic stepfather. He always says he is sorry and things will get better. You even start to believe it. But just when things are going great; he shows up to your birthday party drunk and tries to hump the cake (or a 1st cousin as pictured here).

1. The Honeymoon Period
Just married your mom. Everything is great. You play catch in the yard each night. He helps you with your homework. There is even talk that he might adopt you. You are extremely excited even though you hardly know him.

This is the Skins 4-1 start. Zorn was new and no one had any idea what to expect...

2. Presents
He throws around expensive presents to make you happy and you feel all tingly inside. Paradise!

Sign Jason Taylor to a 2-year deal and we laugh at our only problem being 2 punters vying for the coveted spot.

3. First sign of trouble
He misses picking you up after basketball practice and the coach has to drive you home. Later that night, you hear him stumble, curse at your mother, and pass out on the couch. When you wake up, he's snoring peacefully sprawled on the floor with one hand still wrapped around his Bud Ice and his foot in a bowl of Ramen noodles.

Loss to Rams. Followed by eke it out win over the lowly Browns, which really felt like a loss. The offense sputtered, but the Skins were still 6-2. Why worry?

4. Apologies
He makes up for it by taking you and your mom out for dinner and then buying you ice cream afterward. Things are good again. See, your mom, tells you, he really does care.

Santana Moss on a punt return delivers the Skins from possible trivia question hell and is the gloss on an otherwise extremely unimpressive performance against one of the worst professional football teams ever assembled...

5. Repeated bad behavior
Family hits some rough times and he hits the bottle like it's a month-long Mardi Gras.

Steelers, Cowboys, Seahawks, Giants. Now the team is 7-5 and staring down the barrel of a vicious Ravens D on a Sunday night national TV game. Why were we excited again?

6. Taking full responsbility
"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to. I promise I'll never hit your Mom again. I love you!" - Stepfather

Post-Giants game quotes
"It's unfortunate that it happens so quickly. You've got to show some patience. It's not just one person's fault." - Shawn Springs

"And then that kind of set me off and I just started whining about everything. Believe me. I was on everybody. I was even on myself. We didn’t start out well." - Jim Zorn

"You know what, honestly, I believe each of us has to look ourselves in the mirror and see what’s there. It’s about accountability. We’ve just got to do a better job. Each one of us has to do a better job, plain and simple." - Anthony Montgomery

Who needs Portis?

2008-12-02T10:32:00.000-08:00

Zorn!!! My son says your company stinks!!!

Based on the way our offense has performed this year, it would seem you don't watch much film. So as a loyal Skins fan, let me help educate you.

This was footage from a CFL game between the Winnipeg Blue Bombers and the Saskatchewan Roughriders on October 12, 2002. All these runs by Sellers are consecutive on the same drive. Make sure you catch his last run...it reminds me of when I play tackle football with my nephews who just learned to walk. Mike Sellers as a tailback could be quite exciting and give Washington that Brandon Jacobs style of running we need. God bless everything Portis has done this year, but his banged up body needs a break, and the Ravens game is the perfect game for this, otherwise he'll end up in the Hopkins ICU. Enjoy the footage.

Don't Text Message the Big Screen

2008-12-01T13:20:00.001-08:00

If you have never received a text message from "718-55" then you're a lucky bastard. Busy as all hell at work, my phone has been buzzing all over the place the last thirty minutes. I've received the same text message 3 times asking to buy Wizards tickets for $11 at washingtonwizards.com. Quickly jumping on the Wiz website I see the big media blitz for these ticket prices.

So that leads to my question. How did they get my number and why am I getting the same message 3 times? I replied "stop" as the text message instructed and before I could close my phone, I received a reply that I've been removed. Great, right? Nay-nay. As I was deleting that message I received the same original message AGAIN for the $11 tickets. WTF.

So how did they get my #? I have never bought ANY Wiz tickets via the website. I scalp 100% of the time. My friend asked if I had ever replied to the jumbotron quiz. AHH. Yes, I did once last year. Ugh. Point of the story: never SMS ANYTHING at any sporting events. Dan Snyder will definitely sell your number to anyone and everyone, Abe Pollin will text you to death to help cover Gil's contract, and the Lerners, well, they do it to raise cash for the stadium's electric bill they never plan on paying.

"It Wasn't My Gun"

2008-12-01T12:17:00.000-08:00

The latest development in the Plaxico Burress shooting (of Plaxico Burress) has the legal world reeling.

Talking to reporters for the first time on the subject, a weary Burress stated, "On the night before Thanksgiving, I loaned my pants to my cousin, Dewey. When he gave them back to me, he must have left his gun there. I would not even have thought to look in that pocket as I hardly ever use that pocket."

Dewey Burress could not be reached for comment, but the Burress family did release the following statement, "After Thanksgiving dinner, Dewey borrowed a pair of Plaxico's pants. He then went down the street to play a little basketball, where the pants were left unattended on a bench for a few hours. It was during this period of time when the gun was most likely placed in the pocket of Plaxico's pants. When Dewey put the pants back on, he did not check it for a gun because why would he?"

Undated picture of Dewey Burress in a Manhattan club.

Skins Predictably Lose

2008-12-01T07:51:00.000-08:00

(Pictured above: Redskins line versus Giants line)

So our D and O lines failed us again. The Skins have become very predicatable, as I not so quietly loaded up on the Giants to cover. The spread is not out yet for the Ravens game, but I suspect it will not be good. The Ravens D is going to have a field day on Jason Campbell and Clinton Portis...neither of which I predict will make it through the whole game. If Terrell Suggs gets a clean shot on either one of these guys, he's toast. My friend amusingly, yet correctly compared Jon Jansen to a matador. Why not just sit Jansen and put Sellers in his spot? This current equation is not working.

Predicted spread: Ravens -4 ... over/under 34. (realistically it should be -6.5 with the o/u at 26).

Thanksgiving Parties with the Wiz and Magic

2008-11-26T09:43:00.000-08:00

Couple parties of interest if you're in the DMV this weekend. Dwight Howard and company will be at Park tonight, and Deshawn is hosting a party at 1223 after the Wiz game Thursday night. I think I'd rather lift heavy machinery then party with DeShawn.

RIP - Sean Taylor

2008-11-26T05:34:00.000-08:00

It's one year to the day that Sean was shot. I have been dreading these 2 days for a long time now. It's amazing that my grand-
parents that I cherish more than anything, I cannot remember
the day they passed, yet Sean's passing is as fresh as ever. It
was defintely a JFK moment for me. I was at my desk in Sydney,
Australia when I popped open my laptop and my gmail new mail
window popped open from my friend Paul stating "So Sean Taylor kicked it." My heart sunk. At Skins games I only watched 21...
never the opposing QB. Wherever the play ended Sean was there.
Here's an excellent tribute of his plays. I especially love the licks
on TO, Jermaine Wiggins, and of course the infamous pro-bowl hit
on Moorman. RIP Sean.

>>> The Washington Post has a great photo gallery montage of
Sean.

Eddie Jordan's Replacement

2008-11-25T07:41:00.000-08:00

The Wiz are in disarray and it's clear that interim coach Ed Tapscott's era will be short-lived. Rumors are swirling regarding a replacement (Flip Saunders, Avery Johnson). Ahern has our own ideas:

Interim Coach: Gheorghe Muresan

Hear me out on this. The Wiz are reeling. Putting in an inexperienced interim coach who has no support from the fans or players is not the right move. He's technically not even the assistant coach, he's an extra assistant. Whatever that means. How great would it be seeing Gheorge storm up and down the sideline screaming inaudible sentences like Andre the Giant. We love Gheorghe...give him a shot if the position is a week only deal.

Head coach candidates:

	Gilbert Arenas Let's be real. Gil is not playing anytime soon, and if he does, it won't be for long. He's already got Abe's $120 trillion, we might as well let him coach the team. He takes credit for the Wiz doing well, and refers to the team as "them" when they are doing poorly. Alright Gil, you know whats right for the team...show it.
	Isiah Thomas OK, hear me out again. He buried the Knicks and fell into a drug addiciton. But everyone deserves a 2nd chance, right? We're already capped out so he can't bury us anymore financially. Plus, Blatche needs a new supplier so the two of them can maybe form a new bond. (Can we please get Blatche out of here? Ernie, you split the red sea getting Caron for Kwame...please do what you do again).
	Pat Summitt She has the most career NCAA wins in history, even more than Dean Smith. With Pat Summitt at the helm, I 100% see DeShawn and Blatche responding to her. I look forward to seeing Coach Summitt doing the Soulja Boy deep in the playoffs when we sweep the Cavs. sigh
	Alicia Green She's our favorite Wiz dancer and will certainly bring life to the post-game interviews. She's moved up the ranks fast...give the kid a shot!
	Michael Jordan Kidding. No way I'm going there.

Joking aside, it's a tough call. I wouldn't be opposed to see Doug Collins come back for an interview. Avery Johnson I have no faith in. Players do not mesh well with his strict attitude...though at the same time, I am on the outside of the locker room and do not know much. I ran into Juan Dixon in my building last night and he said the team was really upset about Eddie and how much they loved him. That tells me two things:
1.) The team had been complacent with him, which defintely showed on the court losing how we did.
2.) It will not be an easy transition whoever we bring in

"What? Were the Olsen Twins Busy?"

2008-11-24T11:37:00.000-08:00

Skins vs Seahawks Announcers: Matt Vasgersian/J.C. Pearson

Past games: Minnesota vs KC Chiefs
New Orleans @ San Fran (last year)

For the love of God, when do we get out of the "worst-announcing tandem" jail? I mean, we Skins fans have suffered through some bad announcers in the last decade or so. But we earned every second of any Sunday where we were served up with Sam Rosen, Bill Maas, Bill Macatee, Gus Johnson, Curt Menefee, Tim Green. Curt is now a studio guy doing the network show and is a lot better. Gus Johnson is WAY better on TV doing college basketball. The problem is, they were like interns when they were assigned to call the Redskins games in the 90's. It's 1997 and I can just hear the network execs now deciding on who announces what:
Suit #1--"Hey we got a couple guys who are a little green and need some work before we decide to give them some real games."
Suit #2--"Perfect. Norv Turner and the Redskins are playing the Saints. We're up against a figure skating exhibition on the other network. We'll be lucky to beat it."

But now? How do we end up with this tandem? Sure the Seahawks suck but this was a national game! Even the sideline reporter was a no-name. Good God. I can't be the only one who was watching them cut to coverage of the game and these two jokers while thinking, "Was there a plane crash? A car accident? Where are the real announcers? Why are there college interns running the show?"

Even after they got a chance, how many Spy vs Spy comments did Vasgersian have to make before someone in the truck outside radioed him to stop? These comments were peppered throughout the entire game and he even lost Pearson while rambling on about sticks of dynamite and acts of subterfuge. Then there was the time Matt called Sellers running for a 7 yard play up the middle and it was clearly Betts.

Sonny and Sam on the radio is clearly the way to go, even it comes with the delay that is carefully negated with a deft pausing of the TV. But then pausing and replaying during the game (which is a must) becomes tough.

Silver lining: At least Tony Siragusa was not in our broadcast.

P.S. If you watched last night's NBC broadcast of Football Night in America, you saw Jerome Bettis' uneven hairline. It was amazing. I challenge you to watch it and NOT see it. It was one of those things where it clearly wasn't done on purpose like an old-school Kid-n-Play fade or back-in-the-day BobbY Brown. No, it was obvious from the rest of his entire haircut that a ridiculous amount of time was spent on the lines (the zigzag sideburns making way for the beard). No way I am convinced this was not a botched do. It was as if when he was getting his haircut someone asked him if he liked Kordell Stewart or "like-liked" Kordell Stewart.

Eddie Jordan Canned

2008-11-24T07:24:00.000-08:00

So it's definitely bitter-sweet news hearing Eddie was fired. It's hard to imagine a 1st place Eastern Conference coach can get fired a year later, but so it goes in the NBA. Rick Carlisle got fired and he took his team to the conference finals.

As for the Wizards, it's been a BRUTAL 2 weeks. We're the laughing stock of the NBA (again) and there's simply no way we can continue the year like this. I don't think anyone blames Eddie, but change has to be made. The Gilbert situation is absolutely crushing the Wiz and it's obvious that, along with the Brenda injury, it is too much for any coach to handle. Phil Jackson couldn't even get us out of the gutter. We're the STL Rams of the NBA. It's ineveitable that Antawn Jamison is next to go to get back some cap room. With his prime years all but over, we might as well let him go and get back some value in return. I just pray we can throw DeShawn in the deal and get him out of here too. If I see any of our rookies partying with DeShawn off the court I for sure will be busting through some red rope VIP areas.

Drink This Before Reading

2008-11-21T12:27:00.000-08:00

Our offense is 13th in the league.
Our defense is 4th in the league.

We are 6-4. If the season ended today we would be in the playoffs.

We are playing one of the worst defenses in the NFL this week against the lame duck coach of a team that our current head coach knows better than anyone we have.

The league's 2nd leading rusher is a Redskin and he is playing this week.

We are in control of our own destiny.

We are 3-1 on the road, and we have 3 road games down the stretch where we will be favored.

All that said, here we are, face to face, a couple of sil---wait, here we are facing our first MUST-WIN of the season. Remember last season when we had to go to New York and Minnesota to grab must-wins prior to clinching a playoff berth? This week we get a Seattle team on the road that is in shambles, playing for a coach that is packing up his desk. If we were the Wizards we would lose this game by 20. But I think Zorn is the difference maker this week. I think he has a plan and I think you will see the Redskins make a statement.

We won't go game by game predicting wins and losses. I think we have to look at 2 groups of games from here on out. Seattle, Cincy, and San Fran are one group of games we simply have to win out. NYG, Philly and Baltimore are the second group of games. We need a win out of this group. Should we get back on the winning track here in the next week, the Ginats loom large. If we fail to surprise them the way we did against the Cowgirls and Iggles earlier this season, it becomes a matter of splitting the Philly/B-more games. Are we capable of winning both? You bet. Are we capable of losing both? You bet.

Everyone wants to look at that Rams loss as where our season was lost. I think just the opposite--it stands as a glaring reminder of what is possible in this league as we play in games exactly like this week's game in Seattle. It is a motivational tool that reminds us that we are not the kind of team that can get away with stupid mistakes against even the league's bottom feeders. No loss is a good loss, but our season is not yet lost because of one game.

Weren't we 6-7, and 5-6 prior to making 3 and 5 game runs to clinch playoff spots in two of the last three years? Let's not panic now. For all those people who want to woefully claim this team is no different than the ones Gibbs led down the stretch, here's hoping they embody that one trait Gibbs' teams had--the ability to come down the stretch strong. And we have not even set it up as hard for ourselves as we have in past years.

It is simply too early in the season to get down on these guys. Was it that hard to predict this team would struggle at some point this year? Come on. This isn't a bad team struggling. This isn't Cincy or Detroit playing teams tough but not finding the winning solution. This is a team with a stout defense and a capable offense that is getting in its own way. This is fixable.

Keys to Victory:

Protection. We have less protection than a room full of drunk high school prom-goers. Get it right.

Turnovers: 2 INT's, 1 fumble recovery.

Sacks: 4

Special teams: get DeAngelo Hall back there to return a punt or two.

Play-calling: 55% pass, 44% rush

Redskins Gayfest

2008-11-21T08:57:00.001-08:00

We don't know if homosexuals follow the NFL, or the Redskins for that matter, but if they did, then they certainly would love this clip. This is a behind the scenes shoot for Easterns Motors....jump ahead to the 1:40 mark, which is about where this still-frame of Cooley's legs appear.

Actually, now that I think about it, there are gay fans. Last year I sat in the upper deck at Fedex for the Cowboys game with my friend's Dad. Amazingly, there were 2 gay Cowboys fans sitting directly in front of us (Cowboys jersies and all). They weren't flaming, but it was bad (arms around each other, smiling a lot). My friend's Dad and I absolutely crushed them with insults so mercilessly they had to leave by the 3rd quarter. I don’t remember all the insults but I remember asking the one dude “So if Romo throws a touchdown today, does that mean you get to receive tonight?”

Thursday Night Football - LOCK

2008-11-20T16:31:00.000-08:00

So its 30 minutes to kick-off and Ahern loves the Steelers tonight -11...even before Chad Johnson got suspended. Anytime a bad team goes into PIT (#1 Defense)...they're going to get worked. All the internal drama with Ocho will certainly distract the players' game plans. Easy Money.

Redskins: The Home Stretch

2008-11-20T10:43:00.000-08:00

The Skins have been a lot like the Terps this year, inconsistent. There's nothing worse for a fan where your team shows flashes of brilliance at times, and then completely lays an egg the next week. I am consistently made the fool when talking shit to my friends in Philly and New York. At least with the Nationals we know to focus us all of our energy to having laughs and staring at hotties. Regardless, we have quite an interesting schedule coming up. Several teams seem like slam dunks, but that is far from the truth when the Redskins are involved. The Bengals took both the Eagles and Giants to overtime, so we can't count that as W yet. When talking about the varying range of opponents we have left, we came to the conclusion that they eerily relate to the girls of our past:

11/23 @ Seahawks
Once Hot, Now Fat chick

The Seahawks were once that smoking hot girl who always dick-teased us to all hell. Nothing we could do worked, and we were always made the fool. But now that she's put on some pounds and lost all confidence, we're looking to take her down to put all past hatred to bed. HATE F*CK is a-coming.

11/30 VS Giants -
Hottest Girl in the bar

The Giants game will be our one last ditch effort at the hot chick. We'll be able to hold the conversation, buy her a drink, and wave a nice crisp $20 bill front of her. Then we lower our guard and fumble with the cheese line "Did you fart? Because you just blew me away" at which point the girl leaves us in the dust with 10 minutes before last call.

12/7 @ Ravens -
Hooking up with the awful girl next door

She's not the prettiest girl in the bunch; however; being neighbors we both know each at a certain uncomfortable level. We prefer not to hang out because our social circles and interests are so different, but here we are. It's last call, we're both hammered...so we might as well dance. Three quarters through the season, neither of us are impressive looking, but something has got to give. Whoever is still competing in the 4th wins this game. Have you ever stopped in the middle of hooking up and thought, "Why am I doing this? I'd rather be in my own bed!" This game has the same feeling. Fight through it Skins.

12/14 @ Bengals -
The fat chick

The team has no redeeming qualities and it's emberassing as all hell if you get shot down. The Bengals D has been smothering as of late and despite their 1-8 record, they've taken the Giants and Eagles both to OT. Just like fat chicks, they have an unbridled perseverance. I hate to use the word "penetration" this close to the picture above, but it's what we need. Who-Dey's wide receivers can be lethal so we must attack the QB position. Laron Landry needs to take one for the team.

12/21 VS Eagles-
The Stuck-up Bitch

Fiesty. Physical. And likes to go deep, a lot. No one looks forward to the Eagles game. No matter what their record, they're dangerous. This is our last chance to win a home NFC East game...the Bitch is going down.

12/28 @ 49ers -
I'm getting bored with this game so I'm including a picture of the hottest 49'ers cheerleader

I mean, what is there left to say? By this last game of the season, this is a MUST win and we'll need some help from another team's loss to get into the playoffs. With our wave of injuries and old players, we'll probably have lost another key guy by this point. We're limping into the post-season.

Remembering Sean Taylor

2008-11-19T11:07:00.000-08:00

The ESPN homepage right now is all about Sean Taylor with an article written by Clinton Portis and other players.

Clinton Portis words

How the Skins think and talk about Taylor daily

If We Can't Enjoy the Wiz, We Might as Well Profit Off of Them....

2008-11-18T20:29:00.001-08:00

So we at Ahern consider ourselves gambling sauvvy. We're 2-0 when betting against the Wiz this year. I just watched the Wiz lose to the Heat tonight, and I was in shock to see the Wiz were favored by 2 points. Sure, a lot of people make this kind of revelation after the game was played out, but this is not the case. I know the Wiz's vulnerabilities all too well. We have NOBODY on the defensive side that can cover athletic, all-star point guards, such as Dwayne Wade. He's too good. Our rebounding last I saw was one of the worst 5 in the league. This makes for a very easy bet anytime we go against an athletic center as well (Dwight Howard won me $200 and the Wiz were never in this game). Regardless, we knew to stay off the Utah game, so check back often to help follow our track record througout the season. We will post our predictions only for the games we are sure on. We're not dumb gamblers who bet on games just to bet. One pattern I do follow, if the Wiz are playing back-to-back games and our opponent on the 2nd game is not, there's a very good chance we're pulling the trigger. Also, pretty much every road game we'll be taking a very close look on. Our bench players like to party so Miami, LA, and Atlanta make for game-day hangovers if we fly in the night before. Stay tuned.

Update: The Wiz are in ATL tonight after having played last night. At -10 we like it but not enough to bet. Josh Smith is out until December and Al Horford tweaked his ankle Tuesday night. Those 2 players are huge pieces for a blowout win. Patience, patience.

Eastern Motors Rips Off Ahern Inquirer who Ripped off Eastern Motors

2008-11-18T08:45:00.000-08:00

Well, I guess it was bound to happen, but 14 months since I first had my Sean Taylor Eastern Motors jersey made, Easterns is now selling them through their website ~~at the very cheap rate~~ for $88 a pop (with shipping). I can't really blame them though since sales of their Lamborghinis have probably plummeted. I'm also not sure why the jerseys they have for sale are gold and not yellow.

ps - yes, i realize the wig and glasses look retarded but it seemed like a great idea after 15 games of beruit/beer pong.

Skins have a Formidable Backup for Suisham

2008-11-17T15:10:00.000-08:00

In case Suisham goes down with an injury, it's good to know we can count on Cooley as our kicker for anything inside 30 yards.

What is there to say?

2008-11-17T07:52:00.000-08:00

There's nothing really to say. It was obvious we got crushed on both sides of the line of scrimmage. We cannot pressure any QB. It has to stop. Draft somebody...anybody. All "top" DEs we break the bank on suck. Bruce Smith, Andre Carter, Jason Taylor. Honestly, save the $66 million and put my 140 pound ass out there. Can't get worse. On one passing play I could have swore I saw Tony Romo re-tape his finger while waiting for the WRs to reach their spots. In our previous mid-season posting, I had wrote the Skins were going to lose this game, which the other editor removed (being a Skins fan). Of course it's miserable predicting we'll lose at home to DAL, but we have too many weaknesses. In addition, as my other friend noted, "The Redskins never win big games." Here here. After last night it was crystal clear this team is not at all Super Bowl ready. Hopefully we can trade more draft picks for another "quality" DE.

Redskins: Mid-season report card

2008-11-14T05:19:00.000-08:00

Zorn = A
During the season opener, on the sidelines in the Meadowlands, there was a brief interaction between Zorn and Campbell that made me feel sick. You could just see the shock on Zorn's face and the consternation on JC's face. It was like that scene from "My Cousin Vinny" when Ralph Macchio's friend, who chooses the public defender to defend him, watches in horror as he stutters and spits all over the jury in his opening statement. "That wasn't what we talked about!" he says to the lawyer. Which is pretty much what it looked like Zorn was telling JC. Since then, there has been little evidence that the coach hasn't been getting through to his players. The results have been beyond any expectations we could have had--beyond any expectations we had a right to hold. His play-calling has kept opposing teams guessing. Hell, his play-calling has kept our team guessing. His fresh approach to offense in this town was just what the team and the fans needed after what had become a somewhat stale philosophy. You won't hear any Gibbs-bashing here, but the truth is that the players were in drastic need of a new mindset on offense. The fans could live through a decade or more of Gibbs teams fighting to make the playoffs, but the players just seemed to know--seemed to be resigned to the fact that--what we were doing wasn't going to cut it in this league in the playoffs. The lack of off-field disciplinary problems, the relatively positive vibe from the practice field, locker room, and post-game interviews, the embracing of yet another coaching regime...all of this points to Zorn in my opinion.

Offense = B+
League Rankings: Total Offense (11), Total Points (26), Passing (19), Rushing (4), Time of Possession (6), Turnover Ratio (2), Touchdowns (26)

There is another stat that doesn't get attention paid by many other people except for us here at the Inquirer--KNEEL DOWNS. Victory Formation. Ending the game by taking a knee. I plan to give the defense the lion's share of the credit for where we are right now, but let's not gloss over the accomplishments of an offense working to learn yet another new scheme. We are running the ball not just effectively, but brutally, deliberately, and from all points on the field/situations in the game. We are converting 3rd downs. We are converting 4th downs. We are getting in positions late in the 4th quarter where one play gets us to kneel down territory. Of our 6 wins, I think I count 5 kneel downs. Please correct me if I am wrong (did we kneel out the CLE game?). Again, with all due respect to Gibbs, his gameplan was to get us to the last 30 seconds of a 2 point game and either we kick the game-winning field goal, or we keep the other team from making the game-winning field goal. This year, while the games have continued to be close on the scoreboard, the difference has been the closing of games in Victory Formation. Not to say there haven't been some nail-biter plays in critical situations--there have been a number of them. Our offense has embarked on countless 10+ play drives. We have piled up the 1st downs against our opponents, and we control time of possession masterfully. Jason Campbell is playing confidently and our offensive line is at the very least run-blocking well. We need more production from the rookie receivers, but again, expectations have been exceeded by this unit.

Defense = A-
League Rankings: Points Allowed (7), Yards Allowed (4), Passing (8), Rushing (5), Sacks (24th - 9 total), Turnovers (Bad): 9 total - 3 Fumble Rec, 6 INT

The Redskins are 6-3, in the thick of the playoff hunt and the defense is absolutely leading the charge. Not enough turnovers or sacks to be in the A category you say? That is the minus. To me, 5th in the league against the run is simply MANLY. Run defense is all about heart and will. You have to want to be at the point of attack. You have to want to be in the fire where some of the biggest boys you ever saw are trying to really hurt you. It's guts. It's determination. It separates good from great. It delineates between good on paper and good on the field. Simply put, our team tackles well. We tackle well in the open field (see London Fletcher's game-winning stop against Calvin Johnson, or his big 3rd down tackle of Brian Westbrook late in that game---both plays were one-on-one, open field plays). There have been breakdowns. Laron Landry did get run over by Brandon Jacobs in one of the most vicious collisions if the year. Our offense has contributed by keeping the ball longer than in the past. Keeps our defense fresher. Still, 5th in the league against the rush puts you in A territory. Add to that the top 10 rankings in Pts Allowed, Passing Yds, and Total Yards allowed, and this defensive unit has really built a reputation for itself. We need to see an improved pass rush down the stretch. We need to see our corners capitalize on balls thrown right to them. Greg Blache, in addition to being a great quote, really knows his players on defense and understands how to put them in positions to succeed. Laron Landry, while not the same everpresent force that Sean Taylor was, is still dominating the secondary. He doesn't make it into the picture on EVERY play like Sean did, but watch him if you are at FedEx. Watch him as best you can on TV. I do. His impact pre-snap is sizable, as he is oftentimes moving from front to back to give the opposing QB a little confusion. He is lightning quick to the hole on runs and the side he shades on pass plays is often the side that gets avoided. I happen to think opposing defensive coordinators are rather afraid of Laron Landry. If our D-line could generate just a little more pressure, you might see Laron capable of capitalizing on some quick throws/rushed decisions. Our defense best described in one word--Studly.

Special Teams = C
Suisham is a consistent, serviceable kicker. He has provided some stability where for years there has been none. He brings this grade up. Because our punt unit has been in shambles. We have given up what, 3 punt returns for touchdowns? Unacceptable. We suffered through a rookie punter's learning-on-the-job as long as we could before hitting the street for a replacement. Cartwright continues to be a strong kickoff return guy, but Randle-El has been awful. He just doesn't seem to have the moves. When a guy like Moss comes in and in the course of 2 tries, he worms his way to the end zone, a bell has to go off. Randle-El is a weapon that has a spot on our offense. He belongs in the rotation of punt returners, but he simply can't be called our primary punt returner. I sincerely hope DeAngelo Hall is standing back there this week. Give Devin Thomas some reps. Mix Randle-El in. There will be a game in the near future...either the Eagles game or the Ravens game--maybe both--where our special teams will be in a spot to win the game. And it will probably determine our playoff eligibility as well.

Predictions:
With seven games to go, 10-6 should put us squarely in control of our future. That means we have to beat Seattle, Cincinnati and San Francisco. And then we have to win one against Baltimore, Dallas, Philly or the Giants. Clinton Portis probably can't and probably SHOULDN'T play this week. We need him down the stretch and we need him in the playoffs. Let Ladell get some work. And let's be honest about Shaun Alexander--anything he gives us is gravy because he is done. We need Jason Taylor to show us some Defensive Player of the Year action. We need Carlos Rogers to CATCH the damn ball. And we need Zorn to keep the ship steady, moving, and confident. My pre-season prediction was 10-6, which at the time was, well, probably a little stupid. I am going to upgrade though to 12-4. "Are you feeling stupid honey? I know I am!"

Wins against:

Seattle: Look for Zorn to be the elixir that solves our problems in that god-forsaken city.
Cincy: Can't beat them, don't deserve to make the playoffs.
San Fran: ditto
Baltimore: I predict a 17-16 kind of game that will feel a lot like taking a sledgehammer to the nads.
Dallas: "Close the gate on these F**KHEADS!!" This loss knocks Dallas out of the playoffs.
Philly: They just don't seem as confident of an offense against us as they do just about every other week. Very odd. Tell me if you disagree...

I hate predicting losses, but if we have to take another set of lumps, might as well be the defending Super Bowl champs who serve them up. Let's hope we get a 3rd shot at them---part of my prediction of losing to them is that we see them in the playoffs where it becomes a favorable matchup for us since it is statistically improbable to beat a team THREE times in a single season.

Enough looking backward and ahead....it's Dallas week. We have business to take care of NOW.

Hometown Vollono Returns to DC All Grown-up (Relatively speaking)

2008-11-13T08:45:00.000-08:00

Where Are They Now: James Vollono
If you haven't heard of James Vollono, and you're a female, consider yourself lucky! Longtime family friend of Ahern, James Vollono is returning to DC this weekend. Conceived and raised in Kensington, MD, James attended Holy Redeemer grade school in Kensington, MD and has been involved in football pretty much from the womb. Coach Vollono, pictured above at 12 years old, played football for Maplewood sports association. The highlight being the beltway championship at Byrd stadium, where he will be returning this Saturday as a coach for UNC Chapel Hill. In this legendary Maplewood game, Vollono, the team's center, lined up in an odd formation where he was the last man on the line. James snapped the ball to future Univ of Maryland football star, Scott Mcbrien, who quickly threw the ball back to Vollono for a gain of 8 yards. All 34 people in Byrd stadium (which includes the Byrd stadium cleaning crew) went crazy.

After dominating the QB position at BCC High school and running back position at Catholic Univ, (and excluding a 3 year stint of partying incessantly which even I do not recall), James dived into his passion of coaching. Vollono has coached at Navy sprint football, Annapolis high school, Georgetown University and is currently a special teams grad assistant for the Tarheels. Ahern will be attending the UMD/UNC game and will be setting up an autograph booth near the main entrance for all fans. Welcome back to the DMV, James. See you on Saturday. Go Terps!

If Sarah Palin ran the Redskins

2008-11-13T06:13:00.000-08:00

Amazingly Ahern did not get crucified for posting our thoughts on an Obama-led Redskins era, so as promised, we tried to sit back and think the same if Sarah Palin (God help us) took over control:

- Courtesy binoculars for everyone in the top 15 rows to keep an eye on Russia.

- Free Gun pamplets with the purchase of any beer or size childrens meal.

- Firing of Zorn and hiring of Deborah Harris (voted #1 hockey mom in Wasilla, AK).

- Lie detectors upon entrance to ensure incoming fan does not support health care for same sex couples.

- Green Lots A-C will be closed for 4 years for potential exploration of oil and natural gas.

- Redskins renamed to the Washington Mavericks.

- Neiman Marcus kiosks throughout stadium.

- New rule that no less than 75% of the salary cap must be spent on defense.

- Larry Michael's Redskins Report will be replaced by the "Snowin' High Mobile Report", Todd Palen's new half-hour show dedicated 100% to snow mobile racing as to generate interest across the East coast.

- Similar to how the Philadelphia Eagles show Sylvester Stallone before team intros, the Redskins will bring Joe the Plumber out to rile the crowd up.

- FedEx converts to full energy independence -- Every upper deck (low-income) seat comes equipped with a stationary bicycle apparatus that turns a generator to provide the necessary electricity.

- Moose and Venison burgers to replace hot dogs in all concessions.

Staff changes:
VP of Player Personnel: Vinny Cerrato (OUT), Todd Palin (IN)
Team Chaplain: Billy Graham (IN)
Cheerleaders Coach: herself
PR Director: Bill O'Reilly
Director of Security: PG County Police (OUT), Dick Cheney (IN)

Results: After a dreadful 2 years and 0-32, Redskins fold and Goodell OK's the team to move to Oklahoma City. (And no, the team is not renamed to the Bombers).

DAGGGERRR!!! (1st one of 2008-2009)

2008-11-12T19:49:00.000-08:00

So the Wizards impressively beat Utah on a great effort from Javale and Caron. It took 5 games for something to cheer about, but Steve Buckhantz had his mid-season "Dagger!" ready for fire.

If Obama Ran the Redskins

2008-11-10T17:42:00.000-08:00

So as U.S. begins life with Obama, I couldn't help but think what life would be like as a Redskins fan if Obama took over for Daniel Snyder for 4 years. Like with W., I think lots of changes would come swiftly, including:

- 25% increase in price for club & lower level tickets so that upper deck tickets can be given away to those making under $25,000 per year.

- Special parking lot closer to the stadium for hybrid and alternative-fuel cars. Air hoses will be attached to each light post so that every driver can inflate their tires to get better gas mileage.

- Ban on all charcoal grills.

- Current Guantanomo detainees released and brought up to Fedex to help out with concessions/vending.

- Instead of Rush Limbaugh, Roger Goodell, and Tom Cruise in the owner's booth, look for Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Hugo Chavez, and North Korea's Kim Jong-Il.

- Change in food selection to healthier menu to help fans make better and smarter choices. Free health care available at kiosks throughout stadium.

- Abortion consultations available in all women's restrooms.

- All home games will be day games to save electricity.

- Team's name is changed from the Redskins to the Washington Native Americans (the Washington Hope was a close second).

- Haftime there will be no band and everyone can take a moment to turn and pray to the God of their choice. A special flag will be added at the top of the stadium to highlight which direction is West towards the Mecca.

- Video above all urinals showing looping infomericals of why stem cell research is good.

The following people will be relieved of their duties and replaced by:

President of Operations: Vinny Cerrato (OUT), Nancy Pelosi (IN)
Team Chaplain: Brett Fuller (OUT), Reverend Jeremiah Wright (IN)
Salary Cap Assistant: Matt Jacobson (OUT), Jesse Jackson (IN)
Team Administration: Derrick Crawford (OUT), Oprah Winfrey (IN)
Director of Entertainment & Cheerleading: Donald Wells (OUT), Ted Kennedy (IN)
Director of Security: PG County Police (OUT), Bill Ayers (IN)

PS - Check back later in the week for our take on Sarah Palin's changes as the Redskins owner. We're pretty sure the team would be bankrupt by year two.

Entering the BYE Week

2008-11-06T09:30:00.000-08:00

Entering the BYE week my liver is doing not well. The MNF game absolutely crushed it and after getting bombed in Jacksonville all weekend for the FLA/GA game and getting bombed last night at the Art Monk Charity party....I can say this Bye week is much needed.

Some notes from the Art Monk party last night:

- Doc Walker gave a funny Intro speech before handing the mic off to Art. He mentioned that the "Fun Bunch" had a prior nickname called the "Fun and Naked bunch". I didn't know a black man could blush but Art did and he immediately laughed he was no part of that.

- Gary Clark gave a fantastic intro as well saying coming in as the rookie, "I learned all my moves from Art....and made them better." ha.

- Art thanked the fans as expected and cited 2 times in his career he dropped wide open passes (ala Carlos Rogers style) and the fans still cheered him on.

- The buffet line was quite long and I saw Ken Harvey cut it right in front of me. I immediately said "Excuse me!?! Who do you think are?!" in a pissed off voice. He looked at me stunned and I started laughing which he joined in with and said "OK, I'll go to the back of the line if you can tackle me." Lets just say Harvey won't be cutting anymore lines and I won't be allowed to any more parties.

haha. I didn't tackle him....thankfully for me it was still the pre-shots part of the night.

Redskins fans need to find another way to make some extra $

2008-11-04T11:58:00.000-08:00

So sitting in the upper deck for the 1st quarter of the Redskins/Steelers game, out of my row of 30 seats, 25 were Steelers fans. And that was pretty much par for the stadium. Monday night games are a BIG treat for any true fan, so why would so many Skins "fans" want to sell their tickets? The weather was awesome and the team is competing for first place!! Who are these people?

I did a quick check on ebay to see how many tickets are for sale for the MUCH anticipated Cowboys game this Sunday night. How many pairs of tickets would you guess?

A whopping 300 pairs!!! And that's just the currently active ones. Searching the completed (sold) ones shows 500 pairs!!! So with ebay alone that is an entire section of Fedex. WTF?

So what about the other ticket sites?

Craigslist DC (active only): 290 pairs.
Stubhub (active only): 1498 pairs.
TicketsNow.com (active only): 501 pairs.
GreatSeats.com (active only): 523 pairs.

Total of approx 7,300 tix currently. That's 1/13th of Fedex thats up for grabs right now. And when you tack on all the ticket broker sites I missed, and the ones already sold on CraigsList...we're easily at 1/10th of capacity.

Not only that...LOADS of parking passes as well. As we all know, Snyder signed a deal with Stubhub that made it SUPER easy for Skins fans to sell their tix via that site (and he of course gets a cut off that ticket price too). Having a vehicle that makes it so easy for fans to unload tickets is defintely a problem. As a quick comparison, for the Ravens game in Baltimore, there is only 50 pairs of tickets active on ebay and 105 already purchased. That is a BIG difference.

It's the same story with Wizards and Nationals games as well. But lets be real here, NFL is the ultimate in fan loyalty, and it should never get as bad as it did for the Monday night game. So amongst all this babbling...if you're not going to ever go to the Skins game, give up your season tickets so real fans can go.

I found a forum posting on extremeskins.com from 2006 where people complained about Fedex, the pricing, the fans, etc...and how they'd rather just keep their tix and sell. One poster even called it:

"There a lot of people who have contemplated selling their tickets (if they haven't already). Well, it doesn't matter to Snyder . . . because again, he is getting his money. Snyder is testing the loyalty of Redskins fans...He is in a bet that he knows he can win, because people (regardless of what uniform they wear) will still show up to games. But sooner or later, this will catch up to him...And I would not be surprised to see many of our 'fans' turn to Baltimore in a few years."

I have always been vocal to how Synder puts money above everything, and the fans notice it and feel it. Why not get some of the money back scalping? Well, the reason is by doing that you ruin it for all the fans who do care.

Are You Serious Peter King

2008-10-30T11:51:00.000-07:00

Holy crap...it seems that whenever Peter King--who we despise on this blog--picks against the Skins, we win. Plus I hate when he picks the Skins just because I don't want to be on the same side as him. Sure he gets great access, and he text messages with Brett Favre, but the guy is a zero. Sorry.

So I tune in to read his picks (yeah, I get the irony that I despise the dude and read his picks, let's move beyond that) and he has picked the Skins to win. D'oh! Doesn't mean we lose, just means we don't get the Peter King Sucks Scrotum love from the football gods. Then I read his reasons for picking us. Chief among them is to try and give the same Peter King Sucks Scrotum love to the freaking Steelers! Are you for real? It's not bad enough you may actually be such a loser your picks are somehow variables in the great divine equation used to determine winners and losers on Sundays such that those you pick to lose stand a better than even chance to win. You seem to know it. And you are choosing to wield that power demonically for someone named Lou.

Until next week's Monday Morning Quarterback, we are done Peter King. By the way, when a receiver has a day like Santana Moss, how does he not make it into your 5 page epic novel of a column that is supposed to hit on exactly such things? How does he merit NO mention? You sit in a network studio and see it ALL. And Donnie Avery, a rookie who catches some decent passes in a loss gets props over Santana!!!???

Keys to Victory

We don't do like Vinny Cerrato here and say, "Sack the QB, run the ball, stop the run, create a big play...." Good God man, these must be his keys to life:

Breathe, pump blood from the heart, eat some food.

This is how we'll win:

4 sacks: We will get to Ben. Oh yes we will get there. What we do when we get there is a big mystery. Big Ben is a monster. I can just see Smoot hanging on to his legs like Jeff Van Gundy while Ben searches for a receiver.

2 INT's. Carlos Rogers has been instructed not to try and catch the ball but to tip it to the closest Redskin. He missed his calling as a women's volleyball player.

27 pts. 3 TD's, 2 FG's, we kneel down at the end to preserve our win, 27-20.

Campbell will hit Devin Thomas from about 40 out for a big TD.

Beer Pong/Beruit Tournament for MNF Game

2008-10-28T07:41:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the 1st Annual Mike Wiggins Invitational. This is a 16-team tournament taking place at Orange F32 for the Monday Night Football game against the Steelers. We'll have 2 beruit tables (brackets) and seedings will be random. Please add a comment to this blog to register your team name and players. We have about 6 spots left...winner gets the trophy pictured above. There is no entrance fee but there will be lots of side gambling and bets per game (if you choose). Best of luck...you'll need it coming onto our tables.

We play simple rules:
- Rerack at 3.
- Losing team always gets both balls back..shoot til you miss.
- Double-backs ... team gets 1 ball back.

Ahern Inquirer 2008 Charity Auction

2008-10-27T10:43:00.000-07:00

Item #278--A game of catch with Carlos Rogers.

You and a friend are invited to participate in an afternoon of hilarity. The winning bidder will bring a guest and toss the ol' pigskin back and forth with Carlos Rogers. While scheduled for only 45 minutes, there is a 50 catch minimum per participant (including Carlos). Conceivably, this means that you could be there for days.

Fedex Field Post Game - Section 111

2008-10-21T08:29:00.000-07:00

For those that don't know already, in the portal where the band stands in Section 111, after every game, the band flows into the concourse, forms a square, and gets REAL loose w/ the drums....battling back and forth. Everyone throws in wrinkled up dollars bills (ala Good Guys style)....and the 15 minute experience is by far my favorite part of the day. This video doesn't do justice b/c my camera got cut off.

Dan Snyder shirts!!

2008-10-09T21:08:00.000-07:00

Sold Out

Wizards 2008-2009 Roster

2008-10-08T05:50:00.000-07:00

So after 1 pre-season game down, $161 million worth of our roster is injured. There's no way we'll be able to hang with the Cavaliers this year, but I think we could give this Cavs team (pic above) a run for their money. Now, I know I said the Skins had ZERO chance of doing anything good this year, but I think the Wiz are different. The Skins at least had a healthy set of veterans and stars. The Wiz have nothing but optimistic potential. Blatche seems to be stepping up, but I still don't see any threats on our team but Caron. Time will tell. Ahern prediction for Wiz are 35-47 (and I'm being nice here).

Fire up the Bandwagon!

2008-10-05T21:14:00.001-07:00

So another huge win on the road. Almost everyone on the team (Reed Doughty excluded) contributed to yesterday's win. Suisham (aka Shizaam) was spot-on, the solid D, and no turnovers on offense. It's getting to the point where we're getting really nitpicky to find things that went wrong. Certainly Randle El's 3 dropped passes and Devin Thomas' continual bad penalties standout...but even still those aren't much. The way the coaches make adjustments and how the players respond is what really is great to see. On that gutsy 4th and 1 call with 2 minutes left, Portis went up to Zorn and said "Give me the ball". Talk about great players. And here's your Dan Snyder victory moment from yesteday:

YEAH! Four and one!! In Philly!! In Dallas!! YEAH! YEAH Redskins!

Just Stay Medium Baby!

2008-10-03T09:19:00.000-07:00

Kind of a weird week. You look at all the major sports sites, and you see that pretty much everyone has the Skins in the top 5 of their respective Power Rankings. The Eagles are ranked lower in all of them as well. Yet I have not heard any of the talking heads give us a chance in this game. NFL Network, ESPN, even our own Steve Czaban have all declared the Eagles the team that will win this week.
And that is awesome. I was really worried all the hype would come falling down on us all at once, all in one week, all before one game. Sure, people have to give us our due because we beat Dallas, have rallied from a woeful performance in week 1, and seem to really be showing signs of life after years of no pulse at all. (OK, having Gibbs back and making the playoffs 2 of the last 3 years was fun. It was even a pleasant departure from where we were prior to his return, but this feels a lot different right?)
The best we could have hoped for 2 weeks ago was a split on this 2 week road trip. We have locked that in. Now we are looking for some gravy. And all the pressure seems to be falling squarely on the Eagles. Last I checked, we were 5-6 point underdogs. The money has yet to hold any respect for the Redskins. For one more week, that is the most we could hope for.
Regardless of what happens this week, when the Rams come to town in 2 weeks, all the pressure will be on the Skins. Rams, Browns, Lions in a 3 week span should give our record a nice little kick. In fact, if we are worse than 2-1 in that span, we most likely will be back to the bottom of the middle of the pack again. Even 2-1 will be disappointing.
But back to this week:

*Once again, 1st downs are the key to this game. Keep McNabb off the field. He has made a career of making us look like retards on defense.

*Tight End screens...Cooley, Yoder and Davis all need to run this play well, especially between the 40's where the battle of field position will be decided.

*Contain...I would love to say "Bring Donovan down", but we have never shown a propensity to get that done. How about not letting him drop 100 yds rushing on us?

*Punch DeSean Jackson in the Face. Does anyone remember when Sean Taylor punched T.O. in the face during a game I believe during his rookie year? It was amazing. It cost us 15 yards, and it was deemed a stupid play, but after that, T.O. NEVER had a good day against us as an Eagle again (coincidentally, as a Cowboy, his highlight reel game last season came while Sean was injured, prior to his untimely death). If anyone deserves a punch in the jaw, helmet or not, it is DeSean Jackson. Listen, 15 yards is a lot to give a team like the Eagles, but this is something I believe in. I nominate Reed Doughty to be the puncher. It would be the best play he has made all season. And it would be the best hit he put on someone all season.

*Goes without saying....stay on the right side of the turnover margin. Protect the ball on offense, take advantage of your opportunities on defense.

Final Score: Redskins 34, Eagles 26

That's right, take the Skins and the over.

Big Win for Galludet

2008-10-02T05:30:00.000-07:00

It is no big secret that I am not a fan of Dan Snyder. I buy all my Skins gear on Ebay and for the most part try to bring airplane bottles into the game as to give him as little of my $$ as possible. So when something comes up in the news regarding his money-sucking ways, I am quick to pounce. However, in this latest lawsuit against Snyder and the Skins, I am taking his side.

In short, three longtime Washington Redskins deaf fans filed a suit against WFI Inc. and Pro Football Inc., (the stadium’s owner and operators) that the facility is not "equally" built to cater for the deaf as it is for the rest of us. "Among other things, the plaintiffs want all announcements, advertising, song lyrics and video replays captioned within sight of the JumboTron displays at either end of FedEx Field."

This to me is a bit ridiculous. Why would you want to see more advertising than is already there? As I said to my friend, "Fedex is a vomitorium of advertisements." The former Jack Kent Cooke Stadium also has one of the worst and smallest scoreboards in the league. Having to add closed captioning for every thing is absurd.

I think the key thing to keep in mind is that this stadium was built before everyone was mindful about those with disabilities. It is definitely not too much to ask to add captioning on the banner screens for first downs and all stadium announcements, but advertisements and song lyrics?!? Are you kidding me? What? Are you going to sing along?! How about we get mimes on the field to act out the song too.

The plaintiff first brought this up in 2003, so the stadium has been pretty much ignoring their requests….sounds about right. In related news, parking will be increased $10 per game next year to pay for the lyrics of "Who let the dogs out" to be captioned on the scoreboard.

Full article is here: http://www.mddailyrecord.com/article.cfm?id=8720&type=UTTM

Get to know your neighbor...

2008-10-01T05:10:00.000-07:00

The Minnesota newspaper posted a fantastically awful article this morning regarding Smoot and his living conditions during his 2-year stay in one of Minnesota's wealthiest (aka 'whitest') neighborhoods. The quick synopsis is play with neighborhood kids: NEVER...party with naked women: ALWAYS.

Former Viking Fred Smoot continues to terrorize neighborhood: The skipper of the Love Boat isn't keeping up his Eden Prairie home
http://www.citypages.com/2008-10-01/news/former-viking-fred-smoot-continues-to-terrorize-neighborhood/

38:09

2008-09-29T19:46:00.000-07:00

How do you keep an opponent's prolific offense from scoring on you all day long? Keep them off the field. At just about a two-to-one advantage over the Cowgirls, the Redskins' time of possession was truly the decisive stat of the game. The first down stats are misleading. In the 2 end of half drives, Dallas got almost half of their 21 first downs. Washington spread their 22 first downs a bit more expeditiously. Despite being outscored in the second half 14-9, the Redskins rode Clinton Portis to some huge first downs that kept the clock ticking in their favor and kept the Cowgirls' offense on the sidelines.
It was a win to feel good about for all the reasons you would expect to feel good after beating the Cowboys:
-in their house
-they were undefeated
-they thought they were unbeatable
-Jerry Jones was on the sidelines EARLY (and got a firsthand account of that ass-whooping)
-all those egos, all those personalities, all those prima donnas....SUCK IT!

But this win was missing something many recent wins in recent years have had...that sick feeling in your stomach after the last whistle blew. You know the feeling--an opponent's kicker misses a game-tying or even game-winning field goal; a penalty adds time onto the end of the game and we kick a game-winning field goal; an overtime win against a team that would go on to win ONE game all season over the Ravens, etc. etc. The last few seasons have given us some great wins, but Joe Gibbs liked to play them close. It allowed for a lot of things to happen in the last 30 seconds of any given game, and it allowed for it to go either way. I have walked out of FedEx so many times over the last few years with that feeling that I just got away with something...like when the Wizards traded Kwame Brown to the Lakers for Caron Butler. Or when Adam Duritz got both Courtney Cox AND Jennifer Aniston.

This win had none of that. From the outset, it was clear the Redskins belonged in that game (a fact disputed by gamblers the world over, as evidenced by the ridiculous line), and it was clear the Redskins beat their opponent. It got tight at the end, which is merely proof that we weren't playing a bunch of pushovers, but the score was not indicative of what occurred from beginning to end. If you didn't watch the whole game, you wouldn't know that, so don't say it could have gone either way because you watched a few plays or you saw the Cowgirls' first drive of the second half.

It was all the things we did right that kept the Cowgirls' offense grounded. And it was because of our success at grounding their offense, that they abandoned the ground game. And that will set us up nicely for this week in Philly. We know they like to throw the ball, and Brian Westbrook is still banged up (unfortunately for us, McNabb has made a career of dropping 75, 85, 100 yds rushing on us himself).

Until next Sunday, Redskins fans deserve to think their team is pretty damn good. Three straight wins, three straight weeks of improvement, three straight weeks of solid coaching and solid quarterbacking.

It is amazing what can happen in thirty-eight minutes.

Hail to the Redskins!

2008-09-29T05:17:00.000-07:00

What a win! I went into this weekend thinking if we lose these two weeks to Dallas and Philly, we still have a good chance of making a wild card run. Throw that out the window. Browsing the Dallas News headlines, Jason Garrett is getting absolutely blasted by the Dallas writers, mostly about abandoning the run, a very fair criticism. Garrett claims because Dallas was trailing and the Skins stacked the box, it made them change their plan to throw:

- "There's no excuse for Barber carrying the ball three times in the second half of a close game."

- "After T.O.'s early second-half touchdown, the Cowboys didn't trail by more than six points until the final few minutes of the game. If that constitutes being too far behind to use Jones, then why even have the first-round pick on the roster?"

And here's what happened with Dallas' 12 men on the field penalty:

"I can't understand how two players playing the same position could be standing out there," Wade Phillips said, clearly flustered. "I can't fathom that. They were standing right next to each other."

Hey, Patrick Watkins: Did it seem odd to you?

"I was talking with one of my teammates, and I thought the play was set, but apparently it was changed," he gamely confessed. "It was on me."

HAHA....suckers. We all know Dallas's D was suspect, well, it's out now and Dallas reporters are firing away:

"A great defense doesn't let Clinton Portis run through it for 121 yards on 5.8 yards per carry. A great defense doesn't let Santana Moss catch eight passes for 145 yards, an 18.1-yard average."

"A great defense doesn't let Moss get behind it when it's in a three-deep zone."

"A great defense isn't tied with the likes of Detroit for last place in interceptions."

"A great defense forces more than two turnovers in four games."

"Never mind that one of the NFL's most celebrated secondaries has gone four games without an interception, and for once we can't even blame it on Roy Williams. "

The only negative thing Ahern can say about yesterday is Reed Doughtry needs to be outed. He personally screwed up that one passing touchdown running in late to cover the WR, and well, this pic says it all about his tackling abilities.

Rankings: Hottest NFL Cheerleaders by Team (2008-9)

2008-09-28T06:38:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year, and after the success of our last year's rankings, we've combed through all the team's sites again and pulled out the best looking ones. Enjoy.

32-26.) Browns, Steelers, Giants, Bears, Lions, Packers - Teams don't have cheerleader squads. WTF.

25.) Atlanta Falcons - No roster pictures.

24.) NY Jets - No good pictures so I'm including their sideline reporter Jenn Sterger. She should be easy top 3 but she's not a cheerleader.

23.) Buffalo Bills - Jenica. Yet another year the Bills cheerleaders greatly disappoint.

22.) Jacksonville Jaguars - Kayla

21.) Kansas City Chiefs - Liz

20.) Minnesota Vikings - Lily

19.) Tennessee Titans - Melanie

18.) San Diego Chargers - Ashley

17.) Arizona Cardinals - Alix

16.) St. Louis Rams - Hailee/Kate (tie)

15.) Seattle Seahawks - Melanie

14.) New England Patriots - Alyssa

13.) Cincinnati Bengals - Tiffany

12.) Oakland Raiders - Mandy

11.) Carolina Panthers - Christy

10.) Denver Broncos - Jesse

9.) Houston Texans - Erica

8.) Philadelphia Eagles - Rachel

7.) Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Jennifer Summers

6.) Miami Dolphins - Alexis

5.)New Orleans Saints - Randi

4.) San Francisco 49ers - Amber

3.) Dallas Cowboys - Abigail
(click for full swimsuit galley)

2.) Washington Redskins - Buffy/Tamesha (tie)

1.) Baltimore Ravens - Lauren

----======= Additional Notes =======-----

Best Team Photos: (Honestly, make sure to click the first 2 links)
http://www.bengals.com/cheerleaders/index.asp
http://www.buccaneers.com/cheerleaders/teamphoto.aspx
http://www.miamidolphins.com/newsite/cheerleaders/2008squad/2008squad.asp
http://www.dallascowboyscheerleaders.com/images/squad2008.jpg
http://www.philadelphiaeagles.com/cheerleaders/Squad.asp

Best cross-eyed pic:
http://www.chargers.com/charger_girls/2008-2009-squad/tonya.htm

Best Asian:
http://www.chargers.com/charger_girls/2008-2009-squad/constance.htm

Best Transvestite:
http://www.raiders.com/uploadedImages/Raiderettes/2008-Erica-K.jpg

Heavist Girl:
http://www.buffalojills.net/bios/kristina.html

Worst Names:
http://www.raiders.com/Raiderettes/CheerleaderBio.aspx?id=43394
http://www.chargers.com/charger_girls/2008-2009-squad/katrina.htm

Unsexiest pic:
http://www.buffalojills.net/bios/jamie.html

Redskins win again! (sigh)

2008-09-22T07:37:00.000-07:00

(Durant Brooks)
So the Skins pulled out another win. It was good to see Campbell seeing the field better. Also, I noticed that when it is and 3rd and whatever, I have a comfortable feeling we'll pick up the first. A feeling I haven't had since probably Mark Rypien.

Not sure if you saw but Durant Brooks got verbally raped on the sidelines after that missed field goal (and perfect snap/hold). The problem was Brooks was calling for the ball while the ref was over the ball still, which can ice the kicker on its' own. Either way, our team does not at all look like a playoff team. Bad penalties and missed cues. That kind of sloppiness has to get taken care of. It's not realistic to fix in 4 weeks when dealing with an entire new playbook and coaching staff, we just need to do the best we can. Having said that, and Jason Campbell has no pickles, I like our chances of putting up a respectable match in Dallas On Sunday. However, winning in Big D will require a major Romo meltdown. Jason Taylor....you hearing this? He may not need to, check out what JT said regarding the Dallas game yesterday (courtesy of Steinberg):

Jason Taylor, on Dallas week: I've heard enough about it. And I'm not a big Cowboys fan anyway, so this is right up my alley. Just never been. I grew up a Pittsburgh Steeler fan, and we don't like the Cowboys, period. And there are other reasons I don't need to talk about. I'm a Redskin now, so I definitely don't like them even more.

UPDATE: So Jason Taylor is out. Wonderful. He can dance with a sprained toe in the 'Dancing with the Stars' finale, but he can't play in the biggest game of our season with a calf injury.

Gilbert...

2008-09-17T21:00:00.000-07:00

Well, it sucks. Once again we look stupid. Signing a player to a max contract with 2 knee injuries (presuming health) and he's out until January (yes, it got pushed back further). My biggest problem that my friend Casey pointed out is that the deadline to hand in your money for Wiz season tix was September 15...interesting timing given NOTHING was mentioned of this 'routine' operation prior to this deadline date.

There is a LOT that stinks about Gil's knee cleaning. According to the Washington Post, "Arenas and Wizards officials told me today that the team was aware of the possibility he would have to undergo the procedure long before he signed his new contract." Now, I don't know about you, but if I own a team or GM one, I'm not signing a player to a max deal if he's not going to play the first couple months. Max contract = max health. So, now that we know what everything, my prediction is Gil will never play another game for the Wiz. Dramatic? Perhaps. If he does play, here's how I see his knee progressing over the 6-year $111 million deal:

Gil in March 2009:

Gil in December 2009 (opts for prosthetic knee):

Gil in November 2010:

Own a piece of USA Men's basketball

2008-09-17T05:09:00.000-07:00

The US is auctioning off game-worn jerseys from the USA team against Australia. I know, I know, everyone wants the Jason Kidd jersey. Kobe one is already through the roof.

http://auctions.nba.com/

2-1 Is In the Cards

2008-09-16T19:03:00.000-07:00

There are many rites of fall. The leaves change colors, the air turns brisk, and Redskins fans get bent over by Daniel Snyder. The only people left defending that a-hole from verbal attacks from fans around the league are the ones who actually enjoy the regular ass-invasions by that tiny little man and the maniacal laugh that accompanies said butt-rapings. This year, he decided to stick it to the tailgaters who get there the earliest. So when the parking lot opened at 9 AM this past Sunday, and the steady stream of early arrivers filled into the spots they have been used to tailgating in for years, a generally nice, if not overly smarmy and weasel-like lackey of Dan Snyder rode around in a golf cart and began requesting that folks refrain from the age-old practice of utilizing open space in the parking lot for tailgating. This was equal parts asinine and pointless.

Seconds after he targeted the people who got there at 9 AM exactly, a whole new wave arrived at 9:10, and then every minute thereafter, all of whom engaged in exactly the activity we were busted for doing ourselves. The real kicker is that the open space this guy was protecting remained open not just until noon, not just until kickoff, but WAS NEVER OCCUPIED BY ANY CAR FOR THE ENTIRE DAY. So infuriating.

OK, onto things that Snyder could not ruin...the game itself. Our offense found a rhythm, our defense made some enormous plays, and we overcame a late deficit to win against a team I thought was pretty damn good coming into the season. Maybe the Saints aren't as good as we thought, maybe the Saints not having Marques Colston was a bigger deal than we thought, but winning an NFC game at home following a tough opening loss is a pretty big deal for these Redskins.
Clinton Portis ran tough for the second straight game.
We got pressure on the other team's quarterback.
Our defense capitalized on turnover opportunities.
Jason Campbell looked like he did the first two weeks of the preseason.

We only punted twice, and no it wasn't pretty either time (Derrick Frost cost his team a safety this past weekend when he missed the snap in his own end zone, so the Brooks/Frost debate is not resolved simply because Brooks had 2 bad punts....and one awful hold).

We get the Cards this week and while they are 2-0, they have yet to play anyone better than the Dolphins and 49ers. Kurt Warner has the ability to tear us apart, and I have stood witness to some pretty stupid games between the Redskins and Cardinals. I think our defense is good enough to keep their running game from getting started, and hopefully by making them one-dimensional, they will have to rely on Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan...Boldin...crap...they already are one-dimensional and they are pretty freaking good at it.

Here's hoping the momentum we created on the 4th down pass to Santana Moss at the end of the Saints game continues into this week.
Keys to this week's win:
1)Steady stream of 1st downs.
2)Portis all day.
3)Cooley and Davis in the red zone.
4)Landry will need to have his best effort of the season so far. A big play by him seals the victory.

Cheerleader Rankings in Progress...

2008-09-10T05:11:00.000-07:00

So it's that time of year again, no, not football, the annual ranking of NFL Cheerleaders. Ahern has begun the ranking process and will have the final tally posted next week. By early looks, Tampa is again the front runner. Most of last year's girls didn't make the cut on their squad this year...spring chickens! Here's a taste for you to hold you over. I'd like the fans to vote as well...so in the Comments, vote in your favorite Tampa girl:

http://www.buccaneers.com/cheerleaders/teamphoto.aspx

Under the Radar

2008-09-04T06:14:00.001-07:00

So we've all heard Andray Blatche busted his ass all off-season...which is great news...BUT, I didn't know getting arrested for a 3rd time counts as a good off-season (granted, it was only for wreckless driving on a suspended license). NONE of the news outlets covered it, however party-girl DCFab (Dc socialite) did...and she's been blogging his huge run of club hopping the past 2 months. Kwame 2 anyone?

Full details:
http://dcfab.blogspot.com/2008/06/not-fab-andray-blatche-arrested-again.html

Free Tickets for Gil & Magic Johnson Charity Game

2008-08-26T08:40:00.000-07:00

See Magic Johnson, Gilbert Arenas and dozens of other celebrities at Freddie Mac's Hoops for the Homeless!

Benefiting six nonprofit organizations throughout the national capital region, Freddie Mac's Hoops for the Homeless offers fun for the entire family. The event features celebrity sightings and signings – including Earvin "Magic" Johnson (10 am to 1 pm) and Wizards' All-Star Gilbert Arenas – plus children's activities, entertainment and more.

September 13, 2008
9 am to 3 pm
Verizon Center
Washington, DC

For free individual or group tickets, simply:

* Go online to http://www.hoopsforthehomeless.org/event/ticketsrequest.html
* Complete the ticket request form
* Insert the promotional code of hoopsfreetix, and click on "Submit Form."

The order deadline is Tuesday, September 2. Ahern plans to be there as we have locked up 4 tix.

Brazilia Wins Gold with Hottest Atheletes

2008-08-19T05:06:00.001-07:00

If you haven't heard of Bia and Branca Feres, then you owe me a personal thank you next time you see me. They are Brazilian twins and compete on the synchronized swimming team for Brazilia. Enjoy...

http://www.asylum.com/2008/08/08/bia-and-branca-feres-make-synchronized-swimming-hot/

ps - The video at the bottom of that link is recommended.

Olympics Cheerleaders

2008-08-17T19:46:00.000-07:00

If you've missed the beach volleyball cheerleaders...alas, here's some video for you.

http://www.nbcolympics.com/video/player.html?assetid=0815_bvbgirls_ja228&channelcode=sportbv&adv=greatamericanmoments

DeShawn Gets His Miley Cyrus on...

2008-08-14T10:04:00.000-07:00

Blogging videos of yourself singing pop chart hits I thought was resticted for girls under the age 13...guess not.

Deshawn Stevenson & Richard Millsap

Hall of Fame Weekend

2008-08-04T20:10:00.001-07:00

Wow. What an amazing weekend. The 4-minute ovation for Monk, the tailgating with all the Skins fans pre-ceremony, the actual hall of fame...all worth the 6.5 hour drive each way from DC. Getting to meet Gary Clark and Ricky Sanders was great. Charles Mann, Bobby Mitchell, Ken Harvey, Ray Brown, and Don Warren came out for a quick few minutes to speak on Doc Walker's show but largely avoided the crowds of autograph seekers. Gary Clark must have signed one for all 18K fans. I also briefly got to talk/meet Eric Dickerson, Mike Wise, Kelli Johnson, and Chick Hernandez. You know that first weekend of summer at the beach when everyone you talk to is in a great mood and really polite? That's exactly how it was in Canton this weekend. Met a lot of great people/fans. The partying brought a lot of great stories which unfortunately can't be repeated here due to the varying ages of our reader base. Catch me at any home game at Fedex if you want those.

Here are the relevant stats for the Skins speeches:

Darrell Green - Number of times he said or thanked:
"Jesus": 6
"the Lord": 3
"God": 10

Art Monk - Number of times he said or thanked:
"Jesus": 2
"the Lord": 4
"God": 6

Me singing the Easterns Motors song with Chief Zee...

Other pics...
This awful Cowboys fans asked for Doc Walker's autograph...

This is how doc signed it...

In one part of the Hall, in the team exhibit area, each team is represented and they get to choose what player appears on the mural. Much respect. (Note, the Falcons have Deangelo Hall as theirs...he's been a Raider for how long now?)

The 2nd worst Skins jersey I saw all weekend...luckily I saw ZERO Trotter jersies.

The worst Skins jersey I saw all weekend...

My friend sticking his ass in Michael Irvin's bust...

Andy Pollin, Doc Walker, Ricky Sanders

Hoops for the Homeless: Gil and Magic

2008-07-31T06:22:00.001-07:00

Tickets ($5) are now on sale for Saturday, Sept 13th where Gilbert Arenas, Magic Johnson and other celebrities will be playing a game at the Verizon Center to help raise money for the local homeless. It would be great if Street Sense fielded a team and put on an And-1 type show, but I doubt that happens. I wonder if they serve alcohol at a homeless fundraiser event?

http://www.hoopsforthehomeless.org/

Roger Mason Jr Charity Event

2008-07-30T04:34:00.000-07:00

Not sure where to start on this. Oh, I know. The guest list. The website conveniently changed. When I bought my ticket..this was the guest list:
Wizards players
Brendan Haywood, Etan Thomas, DeShawn Stevenson, Gil, and Twan

Current and former NBA players
Carmelo Anthony, Allen Iverson, Vince Carter, Kevin Durant, Bobby Simmons, Robert Horry, Sean Singletary, Tony Massenburg and Chris Bosh

Craig Littlepage, Athletic Director from the University of Virginia (Roger's alma mater)

Other invited guests include
Alonzo Mourning and Jalen Rose

DC Mayor
Adrian Fenty

OK...trivia...who didn't show? If you answered EVERYBODY...then you were correct. Carmelo has been in Beijing for a week. I am still baffled to how Mayor Fenty no-showed...he must have been hanging with Marion Barry. Brendan Haywood? Come on. You should be in town practicing.

SO...the entire guest party was: Etan Thomas, Andray Blatche, Lavar Arrington, Javale McGee, and Roger Mason Jr.

I asked Etan if he received the massive "Get Well" cards that the Wiz put out on the concourse last year for all the fans to sign. He laughed and said he did. I mentioned if he remembered my note where I wrote (to my defense I was hammered and it was early in the season) "Get well soon...please don't leave us with just Brenda." He laughed. I asked him his thoughts on how JaVale McGee was coming along and he had nothing but amazing things to say. Of course he's going to give a positive response but he truly seemed sincere the kid has skills.

I talked to Blatche for a bit. I mentioned being disappointed the Wiz didn't make a run at Elton Brand and he quickly replied "That means I'm out of a job." Fair enough...but make a damn a 5 footer! I asked AB if Nick and Dom were still living with Gil and he mentioned Dom is living near him and that it's just Nick with Gil. That's definitely a good thing considering all of their maturity levels.

With the party being at Lucky Strike, I got to bowl with Blatche and Lavar. As Blatche and I were eyeing each other about to roll...I said "$100 a pin right". which I thought was creative...and he replied, "Already heard that." Dammit. I bowled the ball between my legs and landed about 7 pins daring him to match...he tried to match my between the leg bowl but it was not good. Yeah, I'm a rockstar.

Talking with Roger, he plans to stay in DC during the offseason and holidays. I asked him if I could rent his house while he was in San Antonio, but no dice on that one. I could have really taken advantage of that rap studio in there.

Andray Blatche has nice form...throws a strike...

Andray vs Lavar Arrington...

WNBA Brawl (aka CAT FIGHT!!!)

2008-07-23T11:01:00.001-07:00

So a full-blown brawl between the Detroit Shock and LA Sparks, in all places The Palace at Aunurn Hills, is causing quite a storm. Several news sources are stating the cause as a hard foul that snowballed into a skirmish. Ahern happened to have an intern at the game and after some post-game interviews, we have a stat NOT in the box score, which we see as the real cause as the fight:

* 22 out of the 24 players (and 1 ref) admitted they were PMS'ing.

18 Reasons to Watch the LPGA Religiously

2008-07-14T19:49:00.000-07:00

The LPGA has quite a few hotties now, and like the tennis female stars, they're now modeling in bikinis. Check out the link below for all the fantastic pics, including Kim Hall who is pictured above.

http://www.golf.com/golf/gallery/article/0,28242,1818267,00.html

Bloody Marys...Rankings

2008-07-10T08:57:00.000-07:00

So the Washingtonian came out with a list of the best bloody mary bars in DC. I love when prominent magazines hire schmucks to do what could be amazing articles. I have found that bloody mary quality is actually an objective thing. You taste a good one, every one agrees. The only curve ball are the people that somehow prefer Clamato juice...I like to call them novices.

Now, my problem with the Washingtonian is that they ranked Clyde's rather 'so-so'. I am fine with that for their average bloody, but how did this guy not hear/try/see the Bloody Maryland?! It's loaded with extra goodies including Old Bay around the rim and a jumbo shrimp on the side. A picture of the Bloody Maryland was actually my cell phone wallpaper...before I smashed it against an alley wall in San Diego (different story). How many bloodies have you had where your brain sent a message "Take a picture of this!". I'm guessing ZERO.

I digress. This Washingtonian piece reminds me of that one prominent newspaper that had their writer (71 year old Jewish man who wrote about politics) travel the country ranking America's best ballparks. He constantly degraded the stadiums that were too rowdy. Pathetic. Anyway, the point of this story is get your ass to Clyde's and have a Bloody Maryland.

Note: The bloody pictured has bacon it which I regrettably have not tried but am curious to.

Four Score and a Thousand Years ago...Abe Was in High School

2008-07-03T08:19:00.000-07:00

I was given a lead by a faithful reader: "Abe Pollin's best and worst trait: Loyalty". He let Wes Unseld sit in the GM chair way too long. He held onto Susan O'Malley in the front office WAY too long. He refused to recognize the statehood of Wyoming in 1890, claiming, "Anything over 43 states is too many," adding, "Dividing the Dakota Territory in '89 was a huge mistake...splitting it in two was like splitting my heart in two."

Abe may be loyal to a fault and it could be at play in the dealings with Gilbert. We at the Inquirer still think the Wiz need Gilbert back--but not at $125 million. God, would he be a dick if he took all that money. We would NEVER be a contender while he was here if he was eating up that kind of cap space. Until proven otherwise, we will have to hope and pray that Gilbert intends to carve out some space for the franchise to make this team into a genuine contender in the next 2-3 years. Add to that the increasing age of ol' Abe--seriously, he has to just say "F' it, let's blow through the luxury tax threshold" one of these years right? I mean, what is he saving his money for at this point?

Flavor of the day: Josh Smith. He will cost us. We would have to work the sign and trade with Atlanta most likely. Josh Smith is 6'9", 22 yrs old, and he is the youngest player to 500 blocks. If we had him, Caron could move to the 2, and Smith and Twan could work the 3 and 4. Deshawn and Blatche would work off the bench. Check out these plays by Josh.

If we didn't make any move other than signing Gilbert, here is the starting 5 we should go with:

1 Gil
2 Caron
3 Twan
4 Blatche
5 Brenda

Deshawn and Nick Young first off the bench, with Etan backing up the big man, and Dom Corleone polishing the glass for 3 and 4 minute stretches. However, we all know Eddie hates playing 2 bigs so DeShawn would start for Blatche.

Any chance Gilbert is doing some recruiting? Maybe offering to share his pie with a baller out there looking to come to DC and put something together? Probably not if he's knee-deep in rice patties in the Phillipines.

Great Party...Great Cause

2008-07-03T07:14:00.000-07:00

Anyone interested in going to this? Click the image for the details, but in short, it's at Lucky Strike in Chinatown, Tuesday, July 29th. $150 which includes drinks and food. Proceeds are going to the National Kidney Foundation. Guest list includes:

# Wizards players Brendan Haywood and DeShawn Stevenson
# NBA players Carmelo Anthony, Allen Iverson, Vince Carter, Kevin Durant, and Chris Bosh

Gil, Twan, Jason Campbell, Moss and Portis are expected to show up as well. Silent auction will be going on as well, and I'd imagine it would be a nice spread of stuff for the average sports fan given the guest list. Some of the kidney patients (children) that this charity helps will also be there.

UPDATE: I just bought my ticket.

Vote for Chief Zee

2008-07-02T06:32:00.000-07:00

So Chief Zee beat out the Vikings mascot barely and now is somehow getting pummeled by the awful Ravens one. Vote now! Use 2 browser windows to vote (IE and Firefox) as well. You can clear your cookies and keep voting but that's going a bit overboard.

Click the image to vote.

Help the Wizards Help You...

2008-07-01T11:29:00.000-07:00

So the new Wiz dance team was selected and by the looks of it, when Ahern does our our NBA Dance Team rankings, the Wiz will easily be in the bottom 5. But ALAS, the Wizards are allowing the fans to vote for the last spot, and one of the 2 is a super hottie. So get your votes in for Alicia Green now. Click the image above for the details or text "WG1" to 91270. No charges apply for this.

Contest ends July 3rd....and you can vote once a day!! As my friend Casey pointed out, if we lock in Gil for $124MM AND have a horrible dance team...our season will be miserable all around. We NEED Alicia to save us!! A-L-I-C-I-A!

Excuse Me Brenda...You're Standing In JaVale's Spot

2008-06-26T19:22:00.000-07:00

Time: After the second "Two and a Half Men" rerun, but before the first "South Park" rerun ("It's Something You Do With Your Finger") JaVale McGee. Here's what I know. Both of his names have two capital letters. TWO. He has a 7'6" wingspan and according to the Wizards Insider at the Post, he has some thoughts on his ratings in upcoming video games. I don't want to say the pick surprised people, but when they announced it, BOTH of Stuart Scott's eyes popped open. That's right.

We could not afford to take an undersized forward--which is why I guess we stayed away from Darrell Arthur. Dom Corleone, a.k.a. The Godfather of Hustle is all the undersized forward we need. The draft is still going on--can someone please explain to me how the NFL draft can go on for 48 hours and be 10 times more exciting than the NBA draft?

Time: about 5 hours past my bedtime. Well, we went ahead and picked up another undersized forward. Bill Walker. When I heard the name I wondered if we were drafting accountants or basketball players. "Wizards Accounts Payable, Bill speaking....JUST a moment."

Last thought, how did Adam Silver get to be the deputy commissioner of the NBA? He looks like the evil Nazi antagonist from "Raiders of the Lost Ark"--he looks like that guy did AS he was being melted. Scary. My diaper was clean before he took the stage. Not anymore.

Nothing Secret about Gilbert Coming Back

2008-06-24T06:43:00.000-07:00

Of course Gilbert is coming back to the Wizards. Nobody can offer him what the Wizards can: the most money, the most freedom, the most love. We love him for who he is and ignore the blaringly obvious deficiencies/abnormalities in his game (lack of defense, ball dominance, shoot-first point guard). He is free to dominate the ball on offense but with the emergence of Caron Butler as the heart and soul of the Wizards, an evolution will need to occur in Gilbert's game and I don't think there is any reason to expect he won't accept it. Just as Tiger Woods will need to at least consider changing his style somewhat before returning next season to preserve his body, legacy, and longevity in the game of golf, Gilbert Arenas will need to at least consider adopting a varying style in his own game to preserve not only his own longevity and legacy in The Phone Booth, but to transform the Wizards from a perennial threat to almost win a playoff series to a perennial threat to make it to the conference finals. The pairing of a healthy Gilbert and a healthy Caron is enough to inspire that kind of threat. The role players surrounding the two of them should be able to pitch in what is necessary to win a game here and there -- Nick Young is capable of dropping in 25-30 points in one night, Andray Blatche is capable of 15 pts, 10 rebounds in one night, and Dom Corleone (the Godfather of Hustle) and Darius Songaila are capable of polishing enough offensive and defensive glass in one night to secure a win. These things don't have to happen in the same game...but they will need to happen with enough frequency that all the pressure doesn't continue to fall on Caron and Gilbert every single night.

"What about Twan," you must be thinking? Am I the only one who has this sinking feeling he ain't coming back? Do we want him back, even need him back? Yeah, we do. Even if he starts to dip from a production standpoint, his leadership in the locker room and maturity on the court are needed more now than ever as we try and bring along the likes of Blatche, Young, and Maguire. I am not sure if Butler can fill that role, or even if he wants to fill that role but he may have to, since I am sure Gilbert neither wants to nor has the current maturity to fill that role.

When Gilbert said he would take less money to stay with the Wiz as long as they took care of Twan first, it was a classy move on Gil's part. Acting as his own agent, he offered a team-first attitude with regard to his contract that was at least on its face rather refreshing. And it is not like Twan doesn't want to come back or that we won't make him a fair and reasonable offer to stay. But we know he is interested in retiring down in the Carolina area, and he has stated his desire to finish his basketball-playing days down there. This may very well not be the contract he retires on, so we may get lucky and land him here for 2-3 years before he puts in a 1-2 year stint on the Bobcats' roster. In the back of my mind though, I envision Jamison telling Gilbert to play in DC without him, to take over this team with Caron and get to the next level. In a sign-and-trade, we could get a pretty solid player from Carolina's stocked roster to build on. Throw in Stevenson and make a run at Okafor. Throw in Pecherov too if it helped. One hang-up of course would be that the Bobcats are run by a certain former Wizard who may be unwilling to do anything to help out our franchise -- Michael Jordan. On the other hand, he has a history of making moves for Tar Heels, and Jamison is a stud Tar Heel that would not only put fans in the stands, but produce on the court.

Whether we already have a secret deal with Gilbert in place doesn't matter. His future is inextricably tied to the Wizards' franchise. He became an elite NBA player here. He became an elite NBA personality here. He accomplished both by embracing the fan base here and using it to catapult him into the hearts of NBA fans everywhere. Some players feed on hate to bring out their best. Gilbert feeds on love...he needed to be loved the way we love him in DC to be successful. Even if certain few cities' fans around the country don't follow his every move with the same adoration as we do, his identity on the NBA landscape is very much equated with the way his fans love him, not the way a select few fans hate on him. Add to that the European tour the Wizards embark on next year and the NBA's willingness to make him top billing and there is simply nothing secret about him coming back.

The NBA draft is Thursday night. Any ideas on what Ernie Grunfeld is going to do?